Amber: Okay, welcome to the podcast, Kolette.
Kolette: So great to be here with my favorite person.
Amber: I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you said yes. So I know that a lot of people will know you in my listenership just because it's kind of a small community. But for people who don't know you, I would love for you to share your story from your perspective because you've lived a very interesting, noteworthy life. So I'd love to hear your story.
Kolette: Thank you. Thank you for that. Okay. Well, I have to say first that I probably could have birthed you. So for anyone who needs to know about how old I am, I'm almost double Amber's age. But I think mentorship is very interesting because really you just want to be around somebody who is kind of ahead of you in some way.
And that's what I feel like you are for me. You're just ahead of me in certain principles and certain understandings. And I really, really love learning in your wake. So I think it's kind of fun to recognize that I have more life experience than you. Yes, that's true. And so I will say what some of that life experience is, but how important it is for us to find people that can be ahead of us in some way and learn from them. And so thank you for being one of those people for me.
I was married for 27 years to a wonderful man, Jason, and he was a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. We met after he had broken his neck. He broke his neck when he was 15 years old, and we met at Brigham Young University and got married.
That definitely set me up for a different life than maybe I was expecting or thinking I was going to have when I was younger, but it was a very clear decision for me. That's probably something about me that is interesting. I know how to make decisions for myself, and I know how to act on those decisions.
And so marrying Jason was one of those decisions, and it was really easy to fall in love with him. He's a really personable, charming, go-getting kind of guy. And so that was really easy and we had a lot of struggles physically. Like he had many, many struggles physically, including he was in a car accident when we were 26 years old. We were very young, and he was in the hospital for 13 months. Over the course of about ten years, 50 surgeries and really a long haul getting back to any kind of life that he wanted to have. Because of that, we had to do in vitro to have children. And that was kind of put on hold for a very long time. And so we actually got a miracle baby, literally a miracle baby through in vitro.
And we had been married for 16 years by that time. And so understanding what it's like when things don't really go the way that we want them to are extremely delayed, extremely delayed in the plan that you think you have and want, then, you know, we understood that. So he ended up passing away when our son Coleman was 10 years old, unexpectedly in the middle of the night.
It was a very quick experience, about eight hours at the hospital, and it really did kind of come out of the blue, even though his physical health wasn't all that great. It's not like we thought he was going to live to be 100 or anything like that, but we certainly did not expect him to die in this way and at the young age of 48. So I am now a single mother, and I was a school teacher in my first career, then I owned a scrapbook company with one of my brothers, and became a licensed designer in the craft industry. And did that for a very long time, about 15 years.
Then Jason passed, and I knew I wanted to do something different. He had been a motivational speaker. We were very much in like the world of positive thinking and stuff like that. It was very much how we rolled, and I decided to learn how to be a coach just for my own enjoyment and learning.
Amber: Can we talk about that a little bit, maybe? For most people that is not why they become a coach. I know some people want the skills or whatever, but you just were curious. How did you first hear about it, coaching?
Kolette: Okay, so after Jason died, I had one goal. Well, I guess I had two goals. One goal was to care for my son and be his driver and make sure he had food and things like that. That was a goal, of course. But then I really only had one goal of achievement, and that was to walk 15,000 steps a day.
Amber: Wow.
Kolette: Yeah. Like that was my goal. I got an Apple Watch. I didn't have an Apple Watch before that. So I got an Apple watch so I could track 15,000 steps a day. I literally walked my neighborhood. I walked everywhere and people would say, “Oh, I saw you three times past my house.” I was walking everywhere. And, there's like a Kolette sighting everywhere. It takes hours to walk 15,000 steps a day. Hours. So I'm walking everywhere at 15,000 steps a day, and I had two people that told me in the same week, they said, “You should listen to this certain podcast because you sound like her. Like the thoughts that she has, the things that she's teaching.” Well, that person was Jody Moore.
Amber: Wow.
Kolette: Yeah. And I never heard of her. I wasn't really a podcast listener, I'll be honest. So, here I am walking my 15,000 steps and I have all these hours, and I started to kind of binge Jody Moore's podcast. She's a coach.
At the time she was doing a program where she was, I don't know what she called it, it was like you could become certified in faith-based coaching. She said, “Okay, in order to do this, you have to be certified from the life coach school first.” I know nothing about any school, anything, whatever. And I'm like, oh, well if you have to do life coach school to do the faith-based thing, then I'll do the life coach school. It very much was, “Well Jody says.”
Amber: Yeah.
Kolette: So then I started looking into life coach school and I'm like, this sounds cool. It’s the way that I have lived my life and the way that Jason lived his life, but we didn't necessarily have a system for explaining it. And it all made very good sense to me.
So I was like, okay, I'm going to just do that because I have no interest in running a business again. I had no interest in any of that. I just wanted to learn. So I basically applied. Well, I don't know. Do you apply for life coach school? I can't even remember, but I basically got in. Started on the certification process and that's why.
Amber: Amazing. I will say I've noticed like even in our work together, sometimes you're like, “You know, I've heard this before,” or like, “I've said this before.” Concepts that maybe you didn't know like the academia of coaching. You know what I mean?
Like the language or the vocabulary or like the principles that other coaches teach. But you had your own way of seeing it without any training. I've noticed that a lot where you're like, I've learned this before, or I've taught Coleman this before. I'm not surprised that you found coaching because your friend said, “You kind of sound like her.” You already had kind of the thought process behind it. It's super cool.
Kolette: Yeah. I do think it's interesting that we talk about why I became an actual coach.
Amber: Yeah. Let's talk about it.
Kolette: Cause I think that that will lead us where we want to go with this. So it was sort of the beginning of the year, Jason had been writing a book as a motivational speaker.
He had been working on a book for 25 years. Finally had an editor that was helping him with the process and things like that. And he died, in kind of the beginning stages of really getting it done. I finished the book and in the process of finishing the book, I added my own story.
So it became our story instead of just his story and the principles that we use to create success in our lives and things like that. So I had this book and in just the next few months, I knew it was going to be published.
I was like, okay, I know I don't want to do the bookkeeping myself, so I'm going to hire somebody to help me with bookkeeping and whatever. And so I talked to Mark Butler about that because he has a service.
Amber: Yes, a bookkeeping service
Kolette: For coaches or whatever. And at the time, I had a goal where I was doing a hundred free coaching sessions during certification. So all of this was happening at the same time. So I'm in my certification and I'm doing 100 free coaching sessions, so that I can just practice and get better at it and figure out what I'm talking about and all that.
I had this talk with Mark and I was like, “Oh yeah, I just don't want to run a business. I need some help to make sure the book sales, all of that is taken care of. I just want to be in life coach school because I want to be a good person and have the skills or whatever.”
And he looked at me through the screen. We were on a Zoom call. He looks at me through the screen and he says, “Well, you know you're going to make more money as a coach than with your book.” I know, I know, I know, but I just really am not interested in starting. And I said I don't want the hustle.
That was my experience. When you run a business, when you own a business, you have to hustle, you have to grind it out. You have to do all that. And he said, what if it's not a hustle? And honestly, that conversation changed everything.
Amber: I totally see that. He created a new possibility for you.
Kolette: I had no idea that you don't have to hustle. No idea. I started considering it. And as I was doing my hundred sessions, that week, I had a gal that hopped on. I didn't know her very well, but she had scheduled an appointment from Facebook, like she was a friend of a friend or something like that.
And at the end of the coaching session, she said, “Okay, where do we go from here?” And normally I would have said, just sign up for another free session. Hop on the calendar again. In that moment, I remembered what Mark was saying. And I said I'm a hundred dollars a session. Would you like four or eight?
And she was like, “Yeah, I'll do eight.” So then I freak out. Because I don't know what I'm doing, you know, to put it out there. And I'm like writing down her credit card number. I had no way of being paid at all. I'm like, what's the expiration date and your zip code. I'm thinking I probably need to know, but I don't know.
And then I was like, “Oh my gosh, I can't charge 800 dollars.” Then I'm like giving her all this free stuff. So by the time all was said and done, she paid like 700 bucks for ten sessions or something like that. And I got off that, and I called my assistant and I was like, we got to figure out how to charge her. And I also decided, okay, I'm never going to do that again. I'm going to be ready.
Amber: You're going to be ready.
Kolette: With what my offer is. And that's how I became a paid coach.
Amber: So amazing. Our stories are so similar. I told you, I tried to coach a hundred people for free as well. That's where all my first paying clients came from.
I charged 50 a session and I had people venmo me. I mean, that is literally how I started. I did not have a business account. I just made money through my personal Venmo. Like, if you Venmo me, we will coach. And if you don't Venmo me, I'll just consider you don't want to coach anymore.
And that's how I got started. So, this is what's interesting, I feel like that's a huge pattern for your life since I've known you, which is like creating a new possibility. And then you just dive right in. You just go for it.
Kolette: I think that's true.
Amber: So bridge the gap from that first paid client to now. What did you do? What did you learn? Catch us up or catch the audience up at least? Since I know. So you don't charge a hundred dollars a session anymore and you're not hustling. But you are coaching.
Kolette: Correct. I am coaching. Yes. I coach high achievers, help them create balance in their lives. And I also help coaches with any kind of curriculum they need and figuring out what their intellectual property is and making a program. Can help people with that. That speaks to my education experience, and I'm pretty good at that. I think what happened, first of all, that's really significant is I hired a coach.
Amber: When you're doing the free coaching, you were just in the life coach school getting certified?
Kolette: Yeah. I think we could get coached to be in Scholars, and so I was getting coached in that program, but…
Amber: It's different than hiring your own one-on-one coach though.
Kolette: Yeah. I recognized the value of putting my own money up for like specific coaching. Someone that could kind of see me through, experience, and we could grow together. And so the first coach I hired, I just really resonated with her. I had heard her in another program and she told me how much she charged.
I had no idea. It wasn't on the website. It wasn’t anywhere. And so, she told me it was six months, kind of weekly sessions, and it was 8,000 dollars. In that moment, I choked. I'll be honest. And my next thought was, oh, is this what we charge? Is this what we get paid?
Amber: Yeah. You were working on your own identity as a coach.
Kolette: Correct. So I think I have always been drawn to coaches and other people who help me think beyond what I'm thinking and give me a possibility that I did not know existed because have learned to use those possibilities as my strategy for growth. As soon as a new possibility arises, that becomes sort of the next benchmark or something like it. And so I tend to use my coaches and the people around me to help me push what a possibility is.
Amber: People who believe in bigger things than you do.
Kolette: Correct.
Amber: Mark did that for you with you didn't have to hustle. Now you do that for your clients in big ways too. It's like there's a different way of thinking about this. A whole new way of thinking about this. Okay. So you worked with your first coach.
Kolette: I worked with my first coach, and I changed my prices. The next two clients that I had were not 700 dollars for however much time I was working with her. I came up with like a package. I think it was four months for like 2,800 dollars or something. And so that felt like a big leap for me. I was really upping it. After those two clients, or during that time, I remember I was done with life coach school and I thought, what if I just jump to what I believe I am, as a coach, and I believe with my life experience with the things that I have to offer.
What if I just jump and I don't go up incrementally? Does that make sense? I just started entertaining that idea. And I have a really good friend who is a counselor, a therapist, and she offered that for me too. She said you have 50 years of experience.
Amber: Yes. One of the things I told you when I told you I wanted to interview you is you've lived an uncommon life. You have uncommon beliefs. You can help people see a new possibility for their life. Not just because of your training as a coach, but your life with Jason, all the stuff you two went through, and the new beliefs you guys had to create.
You didn't even talk about some of the stories that I've heard you talk about before of the things that you've created. She left a lot out folks of amazing things that you've done because you had a belief.
One story that comes to mind, and you can go into this or not, either way, you created a significant amount of money for a down payment on the house, not knowing how you would do that.
Kolette: Very true.
Amber: You got through being a new mom, being very sick. You didn't talk about that either, but you had a belief that many people don't have. And so to me, you get to bring all of those stories and your self-concept and the experience into your coaching, not just from coach training, but like your way of seeing the world, your way of believing new things.
Kolette: Yeah, I think that time period was a transformation for me of leaning into that idea that the 50 years that I have lived an uncommon life. Even believe that right there and not just discounting you that “Oh, no, lots of people have hard things or lots of people, do whatever.” It's like what if I really believe that my life has been uncommon and that I have chosen an uncommon life? How does that affect me living right now, and being right now and my sense of identity right now?
So, I think that that transformation started happening right after life coach school of “No, I have something to offer in an uncommon way.” And so what if I just leaped the line almost of you have to increase your prices incrementally and as soon as you're full. There's certain rules almost like quote, unquote rules that are good practices.
They're fine to follow. But what if I didn't follow those rules? I didn't have a full practice necessarily, and I still raised my prices significantly. So that's the work that I did personally. A few months later with my next client, I was at six months for 10,000 dollars. So that was a significant jump.
Amber: That’s a significant jump, yeah.
Kolette: And getting my mentality to the place that I want it to be, where I believe that I was that coach, that was my work to do. That was just as vital as anything I learned at life coach school or any book I read or whatever. It was just vital for me to get myself into that sense of identity.
Amber: I think one of the things that you do well, and I'd love to dig into this process, is you choose something that you want from possibility. Never been done before. And then you back it up with beliefs and actions. So it's not like, I don't know if this is going to work. We'll see; I can change my mind.
It's like, no, I want this and I'm going to do the belief work and then take the action as if it's happening. And then it does.
Kolette: I'm definitely putting that to the test and getting more and more evidence that it's true, that that's how it works. And so I've decided to lean into that pretty heavily.
I mean, I remember the first time I learned from you. Somebody had sent me you doing some Facebook live or whatever, and I'm listening to your Facebook live, and it sounded like word salad to me. I'll be honest. Like, I have no clue what she's talking about. Then I came back to it, maybe six months later you were having some sort of Voxer event or whatever, and it was Quantum Play. If you're thinking about getting in the Conscious Coach Academy, is that what you're calling it now, the CCA?
Amber: Yeah.
Kolette: And isn't Quantum Play in there?
Amber: Quantum Play is in the Conscious Coach Academy, yeah.
Kolette: This was crazy to me, in such a good way. So I start participating in Quantum Play, and you're teaching us about this principle of possibility.
And possibility is actually kind of the middle ground between potentiality and predictability. The way that I describe it for myself and understand it for myself is potentiality is everything that basically is available, but like, I don't even know what it is.
Amber: It's unknown.
Kolette: But that's where I think God lives. And that's where, you know, it's so vast and it's infinite. All the things that are unknown. And then something can be pulled from potentiality into possibility. So when I become aware of it, I've pulled it into...
Amber: Yes.
Kolette: I think of it as almost like this journey from potentiality into possibility. The possibility could be like, no, I don't believe it at all, but I know it's possible because now I'm aware of it.
Amber: You're aware of it. Yes.
Kolette: I'm aware of it. And so it might be like the very edge of possibility. Because I really don't believe it or I really don't think it's true or whatever, but I know it's in possibility. And then my job is to work to move it into predictability closer and closer. I know it's vast, but it's almost linear to me.
Amber: It is once you describe it that way.
Kolette: So it's like, oh, here's just the next thing that I've pulled into possibility. And I'm just going to keep moving it along the path, more and more belief, so that it becomes predictable. And so all these different things that are available are just somewhere on this journey between predictability and potentiality.
And it's like, where do they land on the journey? And which one do I want to kind of pay attention to to move along a little bit more? And so I use possibility as a strategy. It's like, oh, you just told me something that I've never thought of before. I've never heard of before. I just heard this over here. I've never thought of it. I never heard of it. It's now in possibility. Do I want to do something with that?
Amber: Yes. I think what you're saying is very profound, but people might miss it. What I think how most people live their life is they decide what's possible or not possible based on what they've done in the past.
What you're describing is something that was formerly unknown. Maybe formerly only other people can do that, or maybe they don't even know people are doing that. I remember I went to school thinking I could become a therapist not knowing that there was a coaching industry.
So it wasn't even a possibility that was in potentiality for me. And then once I became aware of it, it became possible. But that means that all you have to do is become aware of new things, new ideas, imagination, and then you make it a possibility for yourself and you're committed that anything that you can think of becomes a possibility for you.
Kolette: Yeah, and some things are for sure harder.
Amber: Oh, yeah.
Kolette: But I've now come to learn that if I think it's a possibility, like if I give it credit for being a possibility, even if it's way, way, way on the edge, and I'm having a really hard time believing it and I give it a chance, I can move that.
Amber: Yeah.
Kolette: So it's very systematic to me. I'm a pretty systems-based person and I'm pretty logical. I like to break things down very simply. This has become just a little system. It's like, oh, it's not a problem, I've just pulled it into the possibility. This is amazing. Now I can do something with it.
Amber: And I want to kind of talk about that too because I think you do this really well. When you take something from potential and bring it into possibility, there's two things that you do that I'd love to hear you talk about.
One is that you cultivate new beliefs. You're like, I'm willing to expand that belief, work on it, practice it, rehearse it until it becomes just how I see the world. And the other thing you do is you weed out thoughts that are counter to the things that you want. Can you talk about those two things?
Kolette: Yeah, I think that working on our beliefs, both of those things that you just said, is the greatest action that paves the way for every other action coming behind it. And so I spend time on the task on the action of belief.
Amber: So good.
Kolette: It's part of my to-do list. It's how I spend my day. I have lots of strategies of how I do it, and kind of whatever's resonating with me at the time, but I use it as an action. I don't discount it. I don't just say, oh, it's something I do on the side over here while I'm actually getting the stuff done that I'm supposed to be doing.
It's like, no, I do that first. And even to the point where I was in another coaching program, it was for selling coaching and they had us write down our marketing plan for the next six months, and they said, okay, do the top three things that you're going to do leaving this event, marketing-wise.
That's your marketing plan and report in our small group what the plan was. And I wrote down one thing. I said believe. Believe that my warm audience is enough. It was a very specific belief. Recognized, oh, I'm thinking that my warm audience is not enough to build my business.
What if I thought that they were? And so my marketing plan was believe my warm audience is enough, knowing what I was going to do to pursue that.
Amber: And then tell them what happened after you really decided to believe that. Didn't you sign like three clients?
Kolette: I think so.
Amber: From your warm audience.
Kolette: Yeah. From my warm audience.
Amber: People that you didn't expect, maybe? Which is interesting and noteworthy. Because I think before you believed that your warm audience wasn't enough. So you couldn't even create those kinds of clients, but the moment, not the moment, you know, but pretty quickly after you're like, I believe my warm audience is enough.
You start creating different relationships where they were ready to be coached by you, and they wanted to pay you because of change.
Kolette: Yeah. And so the way that I changed my belief was, I have a couple of strategies. I use the reminders on my phone and they pop up either hourly, daily, weekly, wherever my belief is.
And so with this particular one hourly, I had this reminder that said, my warm audience is enough. And instead of just like looking at it and thinking “No, they're not,” which is kind of what we do. We discount whatever the thing is that we're trying to believe, oftentimes. I really tried to feel it in my body.
Like, what if this is true? What if my warm audience is actually enough? What would that feel like? What would that be like? What would I be doing if that's true? Then I did make a few adjustments to kind of our calls to action and the ways that I was speaking to...
Amber: Right.
Kolette: We nixed the call to action to sign up for a consult call. And because I was like, well if it's my warm audience, they’re are people that I know, they are people that know me. What would I say to them next? I would not say sign up for a consult call. I would not say that to them. I would say, “Hey, text me,” or “Message me and we'll talk about it.” So my call to action changed.
But for the most part, it was my attitude within myself that my warm audience is enough. They are right here. Of course, I want to talk to them. What do I want to share with my warm audience? What do I want to share with these people that are my friends? That all changed within me.
I think it's important to recognize that believing, it's one thing to just say it, which I think it's powerful to say things, but the gap between just saying it and believing it, I think is feeling it.
Amber: Is that how you know you're in full belief? How you feel?
Kolette: If I don't really think about it anymore, then I know I'm in full belief.
Amber: It just is like your operating system.
Kolette: Part of me. So if I practice the feeling of believing it or giving it a chance, like I feel it in my body, then that helps me get to belief because my mind is like, oh, this is what we're believing because your body's telling me that this is what we believe. So that's how I do it.
Amber: So good. I would like to hear some of your other like tips and tricks, to label it that way. I think you do some things like the phone alarms. What else do you do to believe something new?
Kolette: So sometimes I'll just have a post-it note, and stick it on my fridge. So like that's one I'm actually working on. You’ve been telling me this for quite a while that I never have to believe X, Y, Z again, and you never have to believe that again.
Amber: Yeah.
Kolette: It was very recent, like the last week where I was like, what if I don't have to believe that again? And it kind of settled in like I understood what you were saying, finally. It's taken quite a while.
Amber: Yeah. For the audience, the example that I would use is I remember the first time that I realized that money didn't have to be a struggle. I didn't have to believe that anymore. So that's what she means, a belief that's not serving you, you don't have to believe it ever again.
Kolette: Yeah, instead of trying to manhandle my beliefs all the time and work on them so hard. It was like, well, you know, you don't have to believe that again. I was like what? I did not understand what you were saying. I mean, I understood what you were saying in a logical level, but not in a practical sense. I didn’t understand what that felt like, or looked like really about certain things, usually with money. And finally, it clicked for me, like a puzzle piece fell into place just recently. And so I made a post-it note and I stuck it on my fridge that says, “You never have to believe that again.”
Amber: So good.
Kolette: And then I also use my document strategy that you taught us at our most recent retreat and that was pretty powerful for me. It was like taking all of my reminders and putting them into one place of belief and creating a list of present tense “I am” statements of who I feel like I already am.
This is the way that I use it, and you can tell me what you think about this, but I use it as kind of like three different categories of statements. So I have things I already believe 100%, and then I have things that are kind of iffy. I still believe them, but they're just slightly iffy, and then there's things that I don't believe yet.
I mix them all up into my document. And what I have noticed when I read or I record it in an audio file. And I listen to it as like a meditation when I go to sleep, I listen to it in the morning, and I change it all the time.
It's a very living, breathing document for me. What I have noticed is by having those different categories of beliefs, the things that I do believe shore up the things that I don't believe yet. I envision it almost like this whole unit where the things I don't believe or I'm trying to believe more are getting absorbed into the things that I believe.
They are becoming one unit. And so that I have found is very fascinating and a different way to go about belief work than just the reminders as like these individual ideas and beliefs that are hanging out there in the world and in my space. And my document is all of them together becoming one unit called me.
I feel like those are my main strategies. But I will be honest, going back to a coach or somebody giving us something to believe that maybe we've never believed before. So at the same retreat, we're doing my document and all of that. Each of us were doing our own and you were like, yeah, Steve Hardison has, am I saying this right? Steve Hardison has one client.
Amber: I saw that he had like a lifetime agreement with Steve Chandler, yeah.
Kolette: You just like threw that out into the room. I don't think it was that intentional. You were just like…
Amber: No, I don't even know why I said it. I can't remember why it came out.
Kolette: Oh, isn't it cool that Hardison has a lifetime client. And in that moment, something went from potentiality into possibility for me, where I had never heard of that idea. I had no clue that that was even a thing to have a lifetime client.
And my mind starts kind of thinking like, hmm that’s interesting. I wonder what that would be like. I wonder what that would look like. And so I'm kind of pondering it over the next day or whatever. And then when each of us were masterminding together, it got to my turn the next day and I was like, okay, I want a lifetime client.
Amber: Yeah. You made that decision so fast.
Kolette: I was like, how do I do that? Cause I knew that it was something beyond what I thought was possible. And so what if I create the thing that is beyond what I thought is possible?
Amber: Yes. I love that.
Kolette: And so what I ended up with was, I actually don't want a lifetime client. That sounds terrible to me.
Amber: Yeah, but it gave you a new idea.
Kolette: But I was like, what do I want? And I ended up creating an offer for a client who was renewing, that is a three-year coaching relationship for 140,000 dollars total. She said yes.
Amber: Side note, she was very happy about this offer. I think people might hear that number and be like 140 grand. What the bleep. You know what I mean. But the kind of client that you created, the kind of relationship that you created with her, she's excited about this relationship with you.
Kolette: She loves the personal growth. She loves the chance to just keep moving forward. And so I think it's really interesting when we give ourselves a chance to consider what's possible. And as soon as we bump up against something where it's like no, not for me, not my client, that is the moment we say, “What if I don't believe that?” And then you just consider not believing it and use your resources around you, the people around you, whatever it is, your coach to help you believe something different.
Amber: And I think another way I would articulate that is like you suspend disbelief. Not only do you believe in something new, you also suspend the disbelief. Cause like, I don't even have that kind of offer. I mean, I wasn't like saying it like everyone should have this kind of offer.
Kolette, you need this kind of offer. That's not how I said it. But when you heard it, you're like, what if I could do that? What if that was a possibility for me? You suspended your disbelief long enough to be like what would that look like for me? Most people would hear something like that and completely dismiss it.
I think one of the things that makes you an uncommon person is you have uncommon beliefs. And one of the things that you've talked about, even in our conversation today, is that you plug into beliefs over and over and over again that are very different than what most people believe. And that's why you create things that are very different than what most people create.
You protect your beliefs. You insulate them from disbelief and from people who believe what most people believe in. Like most people don't believe they can sign out 140,000 dollar client and so they don't because they don't believe it.
Kolette: Yeah and I think a key part of that is being really gentle with yourself when you don't believe the thing. For myself, I just talked to myself and say I know, brain. I know. We used to believe that. We used to think that, but we're thinking something else now.
We're believing something else now. It's okay. And so I really try hard not to get mad at myself, for not believing the thing that I want to be believing and just be gentle. And I feel like that changes the belief faster as well. Not angry or frustrated or doubtful because I can't get there a hundred percent.
Amber: Yes. The other thing that I'm going to add that you do more of like a tactical thing of like the tips and tricks of how to believe something is that you teach it, you teach it to your son. When we refer to the treat like I saw you teaching concepts that you were practicing, you know what I mean?
I think a lot of coaches, it's like input and then it just stays with them, but you input and express. So when you teach something, you take your understanding to a next level of mastery. I would say.
Kolette: I think you're right about that. I use teaching as a tool for sure.
Amber: Yeah, because I mean, you teach Coleman. You teach your coach friends. Like, I know that's something that you do, and I know it makes you stronger in your beliefs and practice.
Kolette: Yeah, I mean, I serve in my religious community, and for the last three months I have been making the circuit around our area teaching the principle of my document.
Amber: I love that. Yes, so good.
Kolette: If we have time, I'd love to talk about creating material things versus creating identity.
Amber: Let's talk about it.
Kolette: Okay. I think it's a lot easier for me to create identity, like who I believe I am. But creating material resources, or things seems harder to me, and I don't know if there's other people in your community.
Amber: I'm sure. I should rephrase that. I know. I know there are people who resonate with that.
Kolette: Yeah. I have found that very interesting. I've been thinking a lot about that recently and how to create more material things because I can see that that is a limitation that I'm putting on myself. I'm pretty good at believing something about myself, but then when it comes to. So here's the example, I don't know, six months ago or whatever, when we were talking about creating money, stuff like that. You said something about like figure out how you were going to spend it.
Amber: Yeah. Where is it going to go?
Kolette: Where is it going to go? Yeah. And that was really hard for me to start making a list of where my money was going to go. There were a couple of things that made the list first, a summer cottage in North Carolina, like there were a couple of things like that sounds amazing, but I had a really hard time identifying exactly how I would spend the money.
So there was that. I worked on that. But one of the things I came up with was I was like, okay, I'm going to have to get a new car soon because my son is turning 16 in, well, like 10 months from now.
Amber: Yeah, it's coming up.
Kolette: Yeah, and he's going to take over my car, and so I need a new car. And you were like, what would be cool? Like, what would be interesting to drive? And I had a really hard time even thinking of something that was next level. And all of the thoughts I had about that were like, oh, well I don't know if I need that, or if I can actually have that, like other people can. And so it was a very good exercise for me to really go through that.
Anyway, I create what I want. I decide, okay I want a sporty SUV. I want it to be luxury. That would be cool. Like I've never had a luxury vehicle before. And so that would be amazing, but I would want to kind of different than what other people have. I haven't gone driving any cars. I have no clue what I like, but it seems like a Range Rover would be kind of cool.
Amber: Yeah, I remember you asked me, “Is it okay if I pick a Range Rover, even if I don't know that's what I want?” I was like, yes, more than okay. We're just believing in a new possibility.
Kolette: I even looked on the specs, you know, online or whatever. I'm like building this car I printed out. And then I put a post-it note in my car that said, imagine the car in the garage. You had like told us to imagine the car in the garage, and I'm like, okay, I've never done this before. I'm going to do this little post-it note sitting there. It's been there for months. And it's interesting because as time has gotten kind of closer to this decision where I'm going to start looking at cars, I have noticed that it's like, well, I can't get a luxury SUV.
Like I don't necessarily have enough cash, and you said to me, well, what if you can? I'm like, oh, I don't know.
Amber: Yeah. I'm always putting you back into possibility.
Kolette: Exactly. And so I find it really interesting because as I was doubting my ability to create that, I noticed shame coming up. I noticed embarrassment coming up. I had put it out there that I was going to get a luxury SUV and I didn't think it was going to happen. And so I felt embarrassed about that. I felt shame about that. And just what was it like a week ago? I woke up and I thought, okay, I'm gonna let go of this shame.
I'm gonna let go of this embarrassment. I really wanna just ask my brother to help me learn how to do a lease cause he's really into cars and stuff. And so I feel shame and embarrassment and so I don't wanna ask him for help getting a lease or learning how to get a lease, like, I wanted him to teach me how to get a car, you know, this next round. And I was like, oh, I'm feeling shame and embarrassment. I don't want to ask him to go with me to like learn about a lease.
And I'm like, okay, what if I decided to face the shame and embarrassment? What if I brought it out of the shadows and I let it go? And I asked my brother, “Hey, can you help me figure out how to do a lease because I don't even know how to do it?” Maybe you want to test drive some cars with me like that conversation.
I think it's really important when we are trying to believe something. And when we are trying to create something that we bring out from the shadows whatever it is that’s holding us back.
Amber: And they are in the shadows. You don't want to look at them. Usually, the stuff that's there, we don't want to look at, but when you do what happens?
Kolette: So I coached with you that day. And I was like, okay, I'm bringing it out of the shadows and you helped me. And we worked through it. We talked about it. And, you had been teaching me over the last few months of things can come from any way possible, and in my head, it's like, no I have to earn X amount of money to get the thing that I want.
Amber: And you had a belief that it had to come somewhere different. And one of the things that I helped you, almost like the warm audience, it can come through your family. It can come through places known and unknown if you're open to it. Instead of being like, it has to come because of this thing that I did, a very specific thing.
Kolette: I have to create it by earning money from a client.
Amber: And I challenged that.
Kolette: Yes.
Amber: And I was like it can come from lots of different places. At the end of the call, we were like, by the end of the year, you'll have a new car. Let's play with that possibility.
Kolette: Yeah, and you were telling me like just go look at your options.
Amber: Yeah.
Kolette: Just go test.
Amber: Go have fun.
Kolette: Figure out what the lease options are. And all of that was just kind of mind-blowing to me. And so I was like, okay, that's what I'm doing. So anyway, the next day was my birthday, and my brother and sister-in-law were calling me and I was like, “Hey, Corey. Can you go with me to test drive some cars and to help me figure out what a lease looks like?”
And my sister-in-law, they're both on the phone, and she says, “Actually we were just talking the other day, we'd like to give you my car.”
Amber: I love this story so much.
Kolette: I'd like to give you my car. And they like really nice cars and it's a luxury SUV.
Amber: Yep. For people who missed what you just said, you created a luxury SUV that they wanted to give you.
Kolette: Yes.
Amber: You could not have predicted that.
Kolette: No.
Amber: It was not predictable. And yet you created it. So cool.
Kolette: Yeah it's amazing. And so I think, even something I've learned since that moment is I kind of discounted the creation of it. Well, I didn't really create it. It's because my brother and sister-in-law are so generous and they created it. And I think something that has really helped me a lot with the creation process is believing that I am a co-creator with God.
That we are in this together, that God wants what I want, and we're creating all kinds of things together. I was still kind of trying to reconcile this idea of I created the car when my brother and sister-in-law are so generous and it's like, well, no, like they gave it to me because of their generosity. And just this morning I had an aha. You're going to hear it here first.
Amber: Okay.
Kolette: I feel like the co-creation is actually much wider and expansive than me and God. The co-creation is me and God and my brother and sister-in-law, and everything that created the car in the first place to them. However they received it. If I'm imagining that the creation process happens with more people involved, more things at work than just me, that feels extremely beautiful, expansive, and completely possible.
Amber: One of the things that I think about co-creation because when I ask myself, like, well, how does God answer prayers? The answer is always through other people. So it's like, yeah, co-creation is with God and other people.
Kolette: Right, we’re all creating it together.
Amber: And when you opened yourself to a possibility that you couldn't control, you believed it could happen, but you weren't trying to control how it happened.
Kolette: Once I loosened that grip on it…
Amber: You let them take part in the co-creation process.
Kolette: Yeah, in the way that they want to.
Amber: And that they were already wanting to give it to you. Yeah. So good.
Kolette: Lots of things are possible.
Amber: Yes.
Kolette: I'm learning more and more, you know. Not only is belief important in creating our identity, but how does it actually work to create resources, material things? I feel like I'm getting a masterclass this week on that. And it's pretty exciting.
Amber: It's exciting. Thank you for sharing your stories and hopefully painting a new possibility for someone listening cause that's the whole point. More is possible than you think. And when you have the awareness of it, you can move it, like you said, from potentiality to possibility to predictability because of your beliefs. It's so powerful.
Kolette: Thank you.
Amber: No, thank you, Kolette. Okay. I want to give you a second to tell people where they can find you and hang out with you. If they are going to go look for you, where can they find you?
Kolette: So you can find me on Instagram at Kolette Hall. We also have our book.
Amber: Yes.
Kolette: Which is sold on Amazon. It is called “Messy Victories.”
Amber: I highly recommend it for everyone, cause I have some non coaches who listened to this podcast. It's not just a coach book. It is if you want to be inspired and I feel like you share some amazing tactical ideas as well in the book.
Kolette: Well, I wrote it before I ever became a coach.
Amber: Yeah.
Kolette: For sure is not a coach book.
Amber: Yes. So coaches can benefit too, but also if you're not a coach, you should still check it out. Messy Victories. So good.
Kolette: Yes. It's written by Kolette and Jason Hall. And, those are the best ways.
Amber: Perfect. I will also put those in the show notes for people so that they can just click. Thank you, Kolette. I'll talk to you soon.
