Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. So, I wanted to record this little intro because today I'm having my amazing client, Annie Levitt, on the show. We've been working together on and off for many years. She's been on the podcast before. But I wanted to bring her on because she has this new thought, leadership, framework, concepts around being a wife. And so I wanted to give you a little disclaimer.
This episode is, I would say, for women who are married to men or even in a relationship with a man. So women who are in a relationship with men, that's kind of who we... Imagine we created this episode, I would also say that is primarily who Annie works with. So I wanted to front load you because some of you this might not be relevant for. It's also kind of spicy, not like inappropriate spicy, but it's confronting because the work that Annie does as a coach is confronting.
And so we share concepts and ideas around specifically the marriage relationship. This is not about entrepreneurship. And that's one of the things that you'll hear me say in our interview is like, the way that I work on my relationship with my husband is not like the way that I work on my relationship with business or money. And there's a lot of reasons behind that, which we kind of get into in this interview. And so it might feel different.
It might feel different than my normal episode, which, like I said, I just want to give you the chance to skip this episode if it doesn't resonate. But if you'd feel called to it, I know it'll be really useful because the wife work that Annie talks about, wife work that I've done, there's a book that I read many years ago called Powerful and Feminine by, I think it's Rachel Groover.
Anyway, masculine and feminine energetics has helped me in business, but the masculine and feminine energetics in my marriage is a little different. And you're going to hear us talk about that. You're going to hear what it means to like detach and to transform your thinking and really like alchemize patterns in your marriage. And so I'm excited.
Like, for those of you who feel drawn to it, I'm really excited for you to dive into this episode. But I also wanted to kind of give you out that if you're like a normal listener, and usually you listen because we're talking about money or entrepreneurship or, you know, business model stuff or energetics or quantum field stuff, right? Like this might not be your episode.
I also think there's a lot of gold in it for people who are in relationships with men and want help understanding what's not working and how to transform that, because Annie does an amazing job with that. And it is hard work. It is ego killing work. And Annie kind of mentions that throughout the episode, like, you have to drop your ego and it's hard. It's hard. So I wanted to front load you so you know what you're getting into.
It's amazing. Like I said, it's not the norm, but I'm really excited to share this episode with you because Annie is brilliant. She helps women do the hard work of dropping your ego of surrendering not in like a 1950s housewife style, but like, really surrendering like the power struggle that I think some men and women get into. And so yeah, I'm really excited for you to listen to this episode.
Listen with an open heart and an open mind. Annie is one of my clients. So I am not in her group, but I love what she does in her group. The work that I did really started many years ago, understanding masculine and feminine energetics, reading the book, Powerful and Feminine and applying it to my life. And she shares some resources, including her own groups and books and things that you can take the work deeper.
But this work really transformed my life. The work that I help my clients do on their relationships is related to this. I've always cared about holistic success, which is why I feel comfortable sharing this episode on my podcast, because I care about your marriages. I care about like, this sounds funny, but like I care about your sex life. I care about your happiness levels. I care about your fulfillment.
I care about your communication with the people who matter most. And so it feels like a comprehensive way to support many of my listeners by including this conversation, even though I'm a quote unquote business coach, right? Many of my private clients can attest like we do a lot more than business coaching in our one on one work together because I coach the human behind the business. And so your marriage is part of that.
And so I'm excited to share this gift with my conversation with Annie Levitt with you. And if you're ready, what an intro, right? You're like, okay, what am I getting into? Yeah, like have fun. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it inspires you. I hope it lets you imagine and vision a relationship that's passionate and loving and flirtatious and fun and sexy and amazing and supportive, right? That's my intention.
It's like, you'll hear me talk a little bit about my marriage with Wesley. Like I think I even posted this on Instagram a long time ago. My marriage with Wesley really is my biggest flux in life. And I don't have a marriage podcast. I talk about business, but I feel like the foundation that I have in my marriage is integral to the success that I feel in my life. And I want that for you. And so I hope this episode supports you in that.
If you have any questions, you can either reach out to me or Annie. All of those links are shared at the end of this episode. But I'm really excited for you guys. So without further ado, let's jump into my conversation with Annie Levitt about Hot and Unbothered.
Amber: Okay, welcome to the podcast, Annie. Thank you. Excited. I'm so excited to have you. So we're going to jump right into it. You know, I will have just given the intro.
What does Hot and Unbothered mean to you?
Annie: I love this question, because it means a lot of different things to the ladies in our Hot and Unbothered group. For me, what it means, it was the key to me living life as me. And that is as beautiful as I am, that God made me.
And so taking care of Annie and having her be as magnificent and gorgeous and hot and unbothered is, for me, the first commandment, which is just loving life, loving what is here, loving even if I'm upset. That's the unbothered part, which we can get into later. But it's as being as fabulous and happy as possible through being what you already are, which is a woman.
Amber: Mm-hmm. How did you get there? Because, like, what an intro. That's great, Annie. Like, you're hot and unbothered. I'm going to call this episode Hot and Unbothered, and it's going to probably ruffle some feathers or confuse people because that's not typically, like, the energetics that, like, I use, but I love the words because of what it represents.
We're going to talk about in the context of marriage, but I feel like it applies to literally, like, how do you be hot and unbothered in life, you know? So walk us through, like, I know that hasn't always been the story for you. So, like, how did you land on Hot and Unbothered? Like, how did you get there?
Annie: Yeah, that is quite the journey because I went from running a dance studio, having a wonderful, gorgeous husband, four beautiful, intelligent, smart kids, beautiful, and the life that I loved, and I was absolutely miserable. And that brought me to the mindfulness work. It brought me to meditation because my whole life was falling apart, even though it was perfect.
It brought me to the hundreds of self-help books. So I shut down my studio and started sharing mindfulness, meditation, breath work, all of this mindfulness stuff that helped me be unmiserable. But what I have experienced with my clients and myself is that you do all of that work does not necessarily mean you have the marriage and home life that you want.Yes, you are more peaceful.
Yes, you have all of these tools, but you don't have a fantastic, incredible marriage. And what I looked around and saw was a lot of these women are becoming mindful and peaceful and changing their lives with a lot of bodies on the ground, with having to leave your marriage and…
Amber: Real.
Annie: Real. And I didn't want that. And I'm a pattern recognizer.
Amber: You get paid very well to be a pattern recognizer.
Annie: Well, I'm a pattern recognizer and I am a BS truffle pig. And I'm going, what is the point of being mindful if I don't have an incredible marriage?
Amber: What I saw, which we talked about this before, which is why I wanted you on the podcast, because it's so relevant. And I coach women, too, even though I'm not a marriage coach per se. It's like we watch these people who I'm not going to name because it doesn't matter, but these famous people, famous women, famous in the industry or whatever, that get divorced, but they had it all on paper.
They had the business and the success and the finances and the books and everything.
And then they get divorced and it's like, am I going to have to sacrifice my marriage for my dreams and my ambitions and my career aspirations? That's the pattern.
Annie: And I went, well, I know that I am in a quantum reality and what's another option. And my coach at the time, Judy Price, recommended a book called What Really Works with Men. It's out of print by Justin Sterling. I didn't read it for six months. I reached the point in my marriage, nothing to do with my husband. My husband had not changed. He still was an incredible guy that I chose because I'm not dumb. I had changed.
I was miserable, read this book in one night, had no idea how men operated for all the books and all the stuff, had no idea. And I was willing to try something different. If I had read that book a year earlier, a month earlier, I would have thrown up and thrown it out the window. But I was desperate and willing to try something. And I realized men and women are different species. They're not different genders. They're different species. And we operate completely different and we need different things.
I was raised in a house with four older brothers and two older sisters. And my dad raised us in a competitive house where you wanted to be the best at everything. And I was, I was really good at a lot of things and I had no idea that we can go over the basic principles. But what that book did was open up and I saw how I'd been doing everything wrong. And I was willing to try it differently and stop competing with my husband. Say that again. I was willing to stop competing with my husband.
Amber: Yeah. That's so big. Competing on what? Do you mind giving us a little peek?
Annie: So men are competitive and rational. And that is how their biology works. If you go to the caveman theory of we're in a cave and it's men's job to keep us alive. They're rational, but women are intuitive and relational. And it's women's job to how everyone's feeling and what's needed. Our desires as a woman are really important, but for a man they're competitive and they're competitive with everything.
And I had no idea, no idea that I was competing and I was competing in everything. I know more, I can do more. You know, I was raised with She-Ra, He-Man and She-Ra. She-Ra is the princess of power and she can do everything. He-Man can do, if not better and hotter. And then no idea that there was absolutely no polarity in my marriage. I was zapping it because I was living like a man. My hormones were out of whack.
My body was out of whack. I was peaceful and mindful, but it was not what I wanted. And the physical changes I've experienced, mental, emotional, from me learning how to be a woman and not be in competition. Women are not physically or mentally built to be in competition with anyone other than themselves. And coming as an athlete and as a pre-professional dancer, that was tough because you're used to looking around and competing against other people.
But when I'm just competitive with myself, not women, there's not a turn off more than when you're competitive with other women and not men. And let my husband be the leader in our home. I don't even want to say let him, but just get out of the way of him being how men operate and learning. I literally had no idea how to be a woman. I just didn't. I was a woman trying to be a man.
Amber: Yeah. So I know your story, and I know you also coach a lot of women on this. What might that look like? Because I could hear some people's mind being like, okay, I'm not in competition with my husband. They don't know that they are, or they don't know that their behavior is actually in the way of their husband doing what the husband needs to do or whatever. So knowing what you know about your story, but also how you've coached, give us some symptoms. What does this look like?
Annie: Yeah, it's so subtle, right? It's hard to get into in a small podcast. But when I teach this to women, I go, okay, men are so competitive. My husband is colorblind, legit colorblind. And he will say, oh, look at that gray truck. And I'll say, that's purple.
Amber: Oh my gosh, me and my husband do this. He's like, it's gray. And I was like, it's blue.
Annie: And this is how competitive they are, because I know your husband and mine, they're kind guys. They are really good. Will he just argue with you till the cows come home that it was gray?bBecause if they're not winning in everything, that means if an invader comes into the cave, they can't protect you. If he goes, oh, the gas at that place is cheaper. And you go, actually, I know it's cheaper at the other place.
If you and I were having a conversation, that's not competition. That's just, I'd be like, oh, yeah, you're sure it's on sale now. And you're like, sweet, I'll get more to a man. That means he didn't know. And that's competitive. Now, I don't care if you're listening to this and you're like, this is hogwash. I don't want to leave it. That's fine. I also know I don't want your marriage.
When people argue with me with this, like, listen, this work is not for everyone. Four years ago, I wasn't ready for this work. When you're at a certain place and you're ready to love God and love that he made men and he made women and they're different. Yeah. Yes, there's special circumstances, everything. Yes, there's hypotheticals. Yes, they're unique. I'm just saying I'm a woman.
I learned how to be a woman, be intelligent, know what I know, be powerful and smart enough to give space for my man to be the man. And it is changing so many lives. We have so many women. They're like, I had no idea how competitive I was. Even talking about the past, when your husband's like, whoa, don't you remember that happened? And you don't have to point out that it was different unless it's really, really important.
You just let him have it like it doesn't matter, need it. Not that they're less than us. I don't want that coming across as that. But I had done the finances for 21 years and I knew everything about the finances. And one of the big key points is people will argue with me on that. I don't care if you are with me is letting him be in charge of the finances totally and completely. And there's so many other ways.
Maybe you need to ask me because I'm in it right now. Like we just had mastermind today. And this is all these moms where we are realizing we didn't know how to be a wife. No matter your religion, your tax bracket, your sexuality, every woman wants to be treasured. Every woman wants to be spoiled and taken care of and treasured. I don't care who you are. You do. And so what we're all committed to is becoming that wife of this legacy. We want to pass down to our kids where my husband's polarity is so strong.
I can feel his love for me right now when he's at work and he's an hour and a half away. I can feel his love for me when we're in the middle of an emergency. He can feel my trust and respect in him, which he never could because my husband would come home ready to argue with me, ready to defend himself, ready to answer my berating questions. Did you take out the trash? Have you paid that thing? Do you know? Now when he comes home, there's none of that.
Amber: Yeah, it's so good because I feel like in self-help, there's that question of like, would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Would you rather be right or would you rather be rich? And what's funny is like you got happier and richer when you did this work because I think it's like an energetics thing.
Like now you're actually working together in harmony, like in a harmonics energetics situation versus like spending all the energy fighting or trying to be right or trying to prove or protect yourself or your position, you know? Now you're on the same team.
Annie: Yeah, we had a mom in New York. So one of the first homework assignments we give is because they are competitive, you drop all criticism. And what criticism is to a man is different than a woman. And criticism to a man is correcting, arguing, nagging, suggesting, helping is criticism to a man. And so she tried it and it was so good. Three weeks in, she said, I knew it couldn't be this.
I knew it wasn't me not criticizing. It had to be something else. It was so good. She tested it and her husband said something and she disagreed with him. And she said, I could not believe the shift. It's like pointing out water to a goldfish that a man has to compete and he has to win. And men will win or get even. It's a subconscious drive.
And when women don't believe me, I go, okay, tell me a trip that you went on that your husband didn't want to go on and you made sure it happened. Did he get sick? Did he have diarrhea? Did he have a migraine? Did he have a work call? How did he sabotage that trip? Or did he complain the whole time?
Amber: Or did he even go? Because he didn't go.
Annie: But I'm like, you can act like a man and get what you want, but it's not fulfilling. And I tell people now, so we have some new moms to this work that haven't done mindfulness work. And when they came to the retreat and we did some basics of the mindfulness that I teach, they're like, oh my goodness, I can see how I already was doing these things through the white work.
And I can also see applying the lens from this, how much I didn't have to do because I was just honoring how God made him and me. So much self-help work you don't even have to do because the stuff doesn't even come up and it's hard to believe for people. And so I'm not here to convince anyone. I'm here to say, you can have it all. You can be mindful. You can have work. You can be a coach.
You can do what you're doing and have a fabulous marriage. One of the grooming things is where they say, well, you meet where you are and then you transcend and it's time to meet a transcendent person. I'm like, that's literally just grooming. I don't care if you hook up with someone else, but I didn't want to. I wanted it to work and I was willing.
Amber: Yeah, I think that that's fair to say. Like this episode, I would say, is for the woman who wants to be married and wants to stay married and wants to make it work, which like a lot of my clients do, a lot of your clients do, because the skills that I've learned for myself, I was doing this work, but I didn't have the word for it. Like when you sent me your hot and unbothered, like original, almost like a manifesto, what did you call it? Is it the manifesto?
Annie: Yeah, it's our principles.
Amber: I was like, oh my gosh, like I do this. I just didn't have the words, right? Like I don't criticize my husband and like people sometimes are shocked because they're like, but don't you want to like show him the truth or like invite him into the work that I do? And I'm like, no. And it works for us. Like you said, like we're different species and like you're putting words to something that like I live, like I have a fantastic marriage and I don't do the work that I do with clients with my husband.
It's a completely different relationship. I don't do the work that I do for myself. I don't encourage him to do the work with me the same way, you know, but it's hard for women who are like having these expansive conversations and like they're reading the books and they want to like, did you like want Ty to read? But I can't remember this and I remember this, right?
Annie: I made him agree. I gave him an ultimatum and made him agree to read a self-help book before he read stuff that he wanted because I was wanting to change him. I wanted to change him and he was of course doing it, but that's a very masculine way to make something happen and trying to control with our hot and unbothered principles are first of all, you're hot like your self-care is number one and you're unbothered so you're mindful.
You're beautiful inside and out, right? You're a being of faith. We're consistent with our care and joy. We're loyal to God and loyal to our man in that order. We're united with other women, never in competition and we're being of service. We're receptive and respectful. A woman is built to be receptive and when we get into our masculine and we're doing and making, and this is in the home, in my business, I'm the boss in my business.
Now he's a part of it and it's fun and he's a creator in it, but it's not his work so he's not competitive, but this work works with women who are in the same line of work as that or work with them. It works with women who are the only producers of money. It works with trust funds because what we experience is people don't have that polarity when that's happening and this work brings it back.
No matter if he's not earning, if you're the only earner, if you will always earn more, like I said, no matter your tax bracket, no matter what, and we've seen this working with infidelity. We've seen this working with substance abuse. We've seen this working with women who were on the edge of divorce and really you have to be willing to try this because it's against everything I grew up being told.
Yeah, well you start mothering your husband. And you're not a roommate anymore, so we either are mothering or we become a roommate and we're just kind of going through the motions and in your 30s and 20s and even 40s it kind of works. But as the pattern recognizer, I'm looking no man in his 80s is going, thank goodness my wife managed everything. Thank goodness she was in charge. No, it's emasculating and I don't want to do it all. I don't want to. It's a lot of work being a woman taking care of myself.
Amber: Yeah, well and okay maybe you could speak to this because I talk to a lot of women about like the load, but then they're not willing to like give it up, which is just I've been there. I read a really great book called Powerful and Feminine. What's her name?
Something Groover. I can't remember, but similar right where it was like how to be a powerful and feminine woman and a lot of it is like giving up control that you don't even want to allow him to do his part, like get out of the way of his part, but you have to like release control. You have to really can be challenging.
Annie: Let's say it's very new and we saw this in the 50s. We saw this post-World War II where women are like and men literally saved the world and women are like men are stronger, they're better and it's that housewife thing where the man comes home. Here's your stove, your pipe and here's your paper and I honor and respect you because I'm nothing.
That was the paradigm fold, but we were sold it and this is the thing is can you be enlightened enough? Can you be educated enough? Can you be smart enough to know what you know as a woman? Know what you're capable of and still surrender to the fact that you're feminine and yeah deep down you want to be. That's the thing.
Every woman, I don't care who you are, even a UFC fighter, she has a deep down desire to be taken care of and honestly I tell women especially mid-40s and above, I'm like you ready for your hormones to balance themselves out because I've never slept better because men are built for stress and they are built for hard decisions and they are built to carry a lot more and a lot of us are trying to protect our men and it's really easy in your 20s and 30s to do that because you don't want them to be cranky.
You don't want to deal with the masculine anger of a normal man so you're doing everything and people-pleasing and you're in that illusion of control versus getting out of his business. His relationship with God and the world is his business. Your relationship with God is your business and you're letting go of micromanaging and receiving. It could be better than you ever imagined and you didn't do it. Like you don't get the credit.
Amber: Right. All of our work, both you and I and most of my clients, it's about transcending victim consciousness and I feel like that is what hot and unbothered means. It means you give up being the victim in your marriage which is very confronting for every person. You know what I mean? You have to like give that role up.
Annie: It is a sacred work and it is a higher spiritual work because it has nothing to do with your husband. This is about what you believe about God and yourself and your husband is shown and when you're willing to look at your husband and see him as God sees him, his flaws, his anger, his disappointment, his strengths, that everything he is exactly as he should be and you honor him that way, you're giving that gift to yourself.
He's gonna show you all the deep stuff you don't want to see and he gives you that gift of loving it. And then what's funny, I just got this text from a mom and she's like, I am just amazed at how talented and smart and capable he is. I had no idea and I'm like, what if even more than you, which I know I'll make a lot of women upset with that, but like what if that's a possibility?
What they're saying, all these husbands in our group are going, gosh, hon, are you, have you noticed how nice things are? Like just how and it takes everything in them because one of our rules is you don't talk about it to go, yeah, it's because I'm doing all this work and our marriage is better because what is more demeaning to a man is that he's failed in his marriage. And so we don't bring it up and go, everything's horrible.
Because they want to know they chose the right wife and the biggest world cup, Stanley cup world series award for a man is a happy wife. Yeah. That he is capable of pleasing, but men are rational and they go, no matter what I do, she complains. Why would I step it up? Why would I surprise her with a trip if she's going to poop all over it and complain? Why would I buy her things when she tells me I could have gotten a better price? Why they're just rational.
Amber: Yeah. So what would you say to someone who, whether consciously or unconsciously is trying to change their husband because they're right and like they actually might be right, right? Like their husband might be being dumb or making decisions that like are quote unquote, not good. Right.
And they're trying to change with like emotional manipulation or ultimatums or read this book. I can say this because like, this is real, but like how scary it is to go from like trying to change them to not you almost like hands off the wheel, you know, what do you say?
Annie: I say, this is the quantum work is that you've created him to be dumb. You've created him to be stupid. You've created him to do all those things because that's you judging you. You don't have to know why and do all that you can if you want. But this is like, who would you be that he was a provider? Who would you be that you could trust him? How would you act? How would you text him? How would you respect him? And you become that version of you and just buckle up through the miracles.
Amber: Can you tell a story about driving? I just feel like that's such a good micro example. Oh, so you used to drive.
Annie: I used to drive on car trips, especially in California because my husband is not like, no offense, my lovely California friends. He doesn't like the way you drive. I didn't want to listen to it. So I would just every car trip, especially in California, I would at least drive half of the way. It's not all and everything in this is an experiment. You don't have to believe me. Just try respecting him. Try not criticizing or hinting or helping or complaining or suggesting. So I started not driving.
I didn't offer to drive and I waited for him to ask and he wasn't asking. And I just let him drive. And I had no idea how much nicer it was. Even if the kids aren't in the car, let's say it's just him and me on a vacation. I love just being next to him. I don't even look at the road. Like I'm not worried about his driving. I'll read his book to him. And I know he knows I trust him. I'm not flinching. I'm not making noises.
And my energy, the energy that I have when we get there to the location, to be present, to take care of the kids, to be creative, to just be happy. And I'm like, wow, no idea how much energy driving takes. And he wanted to take it on for you. He loves it. He drives. I will rub his back or rub his hands or read to him or whatever, just be there. And I know that sounds so old-fashioned, but I love it.
And he's willing to drive because I'm not telling him he's wrong anymore. I would tell him where to park. I would tell him which way was faster. And they're rational. They're like, why would I do all this work? I'll just sleep. She can drive and I'll sleep. That's very rational. I'm not here to sell it to anyone, but you can just feel it. And people around me can feel it. I have people that have known my husband longer than me.
And they're like, wow. And he was an incredible guy before, but they're like, it's just so neat to be around you guys and how in love we are. And honestly, with our daughter's wedding, I don't know how we would have survived that without this work because it's a lot of decisions. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of stress. And we're so glad it's over. It was so fun. But now that I get to pour into him and put tension on him and our relationship, it's like dating again. I'd get so excited for him to come home.
I just know the women in our group, until you feel it, until you feel the polarity coming back and you're like, wow, I had no idea where it remains. I had no idea all of his energy was in defending his honor. I had no idea all men want, like they say, an ounce of respect is worth 10 years of Viagra. Like all they want is your respect and trust. When they come in and go, duck! You don't go, what? Why are you late? You duck. Right? That's a biological need.
Amber: All the other stuff kind of goes away and won't last. It does. I had to learn this the hard way. I'm laughing because when you said, when they say duck, it's true. They want you to duck because they only want to keep you safe, protect you. You're like their stewardship. But when I was newlywed, there was like a mouse in our closet and I was scared. I look at this like energetically now. I was fighting him.
I was being competitive with him because I didn't want him to kill the mouse in our apartment. And so he was like, hand me the tennis racket. And I was like, no! Right? And he was so mad at me. And it took a lot of conversations for him to even articulate why, because he was like, I want you to be able to trust me, to respect me. And I was like, basically defying him. I had no idea. I had no idea what I was doing.
It's still a funny conversation. Because like now, if he's like, hand me this, I would. Right? Because we have the kind of marriage, we have an amazing, like you said, the people who push back on this, you probably wouldn't trade places with them. And so this is spicy. I know it's spicy. There's a reason I brought you on the podcast, though, because this is a spicy conversation and a lot of women need to hear it who are in a marriage where they're like, this isn't working anymore.
It's like, yeah, if it's not working, it's time to try something radically different. And it might sound old. I don't think it's old fashioned. I actually think it's like high level of energy, like Frederick Dodson's levels of energy. Like, I actually think it's pretty high on the scale because you're doing it consciously. This is not a reaction. This is not submission because you're weak. Yeah.
Annie: And I tell people, I can teach you what this stuff is, but you have to promise not to use it to hurt men. Because once you know they're competitive men, you can cut them to the quick. Why is the suicide rate for men six times higher than women? Because they will win or get even. And they know they can't win at home and they can't win at work.
My husband knows if he comes home and he's lost the job and we've lost all the money and we lose the home, it doesn't matter. We have each other. We have this strong foundation. I know he can do anything. He knows that. And I was just about to tell you about this one wife that said they went on a Universal Studios tour and they saw the homes that are in all these movies and see all the time, Back to the Future and Beaver.
She said, I had no idea they were facades. It's not a real house. And she said, I realized in that moment, that's my marriage. My marriage is amazing. And people think so much amazing things is happening because of how it looks. There's nothing there. It's flimsy cardboard. And she joined our group and I'm like, are you ready? Yeah. And luckily most of us are at this point where we are ready to go. Maybe I've been wrong.
Maybe I could just try this out. And then you start to feel how amazing it is and you're not manipulating and you're not needy and you're not pushing, but it is very vulnerable because our job is to know what we want and why, and to express those desires vulnerably, honestly, not weak, but just, oh man, I would love to do that. No pressure. Or attachment. Or attachment.
And totally okay if it doesn't happen or not, your job is to be that and express it. And the miracles these women are having, they're like, he's booking the perfect restaurant, the one I've always wanted. I didn't have to do it. They're planning vacations. And I just say, you don't have to do this work, but walk around Disneyland or the airport and watch the couples and wives are doing everything. And then how many supplements they're on, trying to take care of their health.
How much money do we spend on liver pills and red light therapy and all this stuff? And I'm like, you could just like, and let your husband be in charge and see how good you feel and be held in the sacrifice. And I believe that the spiritual, believe you reach a certain level of spiritual progression. And this is Carl Jung talks about this, that either you're going to be alone or monogamous. There's no bouncing around because it's a deeper mirror into your belief about God and who you are.
Amber: Richard Redd, author of The Gene Keys, said something. He's like, I always recommend long-term relationships whenever possible. He's like, because nothing will be a mirror like that. Nothing offers the same level of growth, spiritual. Even like if you think about like if enlightenment is your goal and that's what kind of what he was saying in the context of like, if you want to be enlightened, stay in a committed relationship, it will do that for you. If you do the work.
Annie: Yeah. Well, and you want to be enlightened, just live on a normal life and be willing to receive having a fabulous, normal life. That's the secret. It's just like, what is that book where he, you know, he goes on the journey and finds out he's sitting on the treasure of the whole. The Alchemist. The Alchemist. It's so good. Literally that. Oh my goodness. My husband was the key to everything and he is willing to be everything for me. Yeah. But I can do so much. The hardest part for me is to see how good it's getting.
Amber: Yeah, I know. I know. We've been talking about this.
Annie: It's getting really good. And am I willing to have it be this good and desire it even better? Yeah. That's really risky. Not socially acceptable. Unrelatable. Unrelatable. And I don't care because I'm watching these miracles in these ways. It doesn't matter where you live, what your religion is, it's working. And the way I've done it is I've brought in, you know, what really works with men. And then I love Laura Doyle. Laura Doyle, I hope you hear this. You have saved my life.
Because she gave these principles a way to actually live them, that men are different rations. She actually doesn't talk about that much, but how to actually apply it. And then there's so many other authors and it's kind of become this beautiful amalgamation. Because I think without understanding what really works with men, it kind of sounds like, well, it's just a different way to get what I want.
Instead of what she talks about surrendering, it just means for me, the first commandment, I'm loving God with all of my heart, my mind and strength, which means I'm loving how I'm made and how he's made and that I can do less and accomplish way more. And it helps me love. Yeah. It helps me respect all men. I wish I would have known this work when I had some leadership.
Amber: But yeah, LOL. But you have the contrast of experience to know why this work matters. And like, yeah, you're not selling people on it, but I kind of am. You might not be selling it. I am because I just know how important it is. And like the work matters because there are so many people quietly. It's like the house thing that you're it looks fine on the outside and it's not okay.
And it's because of this real work. It's like, are you willing to see this course in miracles shift in perception? Are you willing to see yourself differently? Are you willing to see your man differently? Are you willing to see your relationship differently? And if you are, which is what you're inviting them to do, miracle after miracle after miracle.
Annie: Yeah.
Amber: Are you ready?
Annie: Are you ready to receive that much amazingness? Because that's all your husband wants. He wants you happy, unbothered and very, very hot. And this has nothing to do with your looks. You are very hot to them when you respect them and love them. And you're not worried when you're worried about finances.
And you say that out loud. That is a that is criticizing them unconsciously because it means they're not providing enough. It means you don't trust them. Oh, don't complain about their family, girl. Do not complain about his parents. Do not complain about other people because he's rational and that he's going to save his energy to defend his honor. And gosh, I could just talk about this.
Amber: I know, which is why I could talk to you and this could be like a whole series. But where do you recommend people start besides like joining your group or getting coaching with you? Like we can talk about that, too. But what's like the first step if they feel caught to this word, if they know that like it's time to put the armor down and do this work and like not manage everything? What do they do now?
Annie: Well, if it's after August 3rd, get my book because it will be on Amazon. If it's before August 3rd, honestly, it's just the willingness like the Sedona method. Can you have a fabulous marriage? Is that possible? Have people change their marriages? Yeah. Yes. Are you willing to have a fabulous marriage without it making your parents' marriage wrong or anyone else wrong or anyone right? And then when are you willing?
And now and I think the answers will come to you. Obviously, I love books and I love people's stories. So I say look up Laura Doyle right now. Don't be put off by the titles of her books. They're incredible. The only difference is she doesn't have kids. And so that's why I have my group of moms because the work is a little different when you have a family with kids and what really works with men with Justin Sterling.
And then honestly, there are many paths to enlightenment. It's just the willingness and the answer will come to you. That's how simple it is. I'm willing to be wrong and I tell people everyone wants a romance novel marriage. They really do. It's why you got married. It was like the original intent. Yeah. And when the romance novel industry is a trillion dollar industry because it's what women want. Yeah. And that you can actually have it in real life even better.
Amber: Even better. Yeah, it's even better because me and Annie both have this kind of marriage, which it's uncomfortable to talk about because it's become normalized for women to complain about their man. And I never have. And it's always bothered me because I'm like, what if? I don't know. I just like I just don't do it, you know. But there are real people who have this like it is not too good to be true.
And we're not just like blowing smoke like this is our real lived experience. It is the best part of my life. I know it's the best part of yours. And it's like the centerpiece where it's like it enhances everything. Right. Like I love working. I love motherhood. I love my time alone. I love my time with Wesley.
Like it changes so much because like you said, like you take all the supplements and you like heal like it's crazy. It's crazy. So it's worth doing the work. How do they do the work with you? Because I feel like of those options of I mean, yes, read the books. Yes. Be willing. But also, like, Annie, I think that what you're doing is very rare. So how do they get to be familiar with what you do in your coaching work?
Annie: Yeah, I've got my YouTube channel. I have some things posted you can already look at. My Tuesday women's class is free. And that starts in September. So you can just dip in and start free. It's free. It's free. I know. But my Thursday one is invitation only.
So if you want to be invited to that, just email me. [email protected] and let me know what's going on. All you need is the willingness. That's it. It's hard to keep up with how amazing it is. And a lot of these women were brave and stayed with me because we started way different work. Yeah, you did.
Amber: Years ago, six years ago, this would look way different.
Annie: And the ones that were brave and stuck in there are like, nothing has changed my life as much as this.
Amber: So good.
Annie: All that other stuff, like no offense. It was important. It was important steps for us. But now I'm like, dude, just be smart. Skip all the steps. I can't share it enough. What's beautiful is you just get an even bigger faith in God. He knew what he was doing. He made a man and he made a woman and he knew it comes into more faith things.
But I'm just like, I won't yuck your yum. And there's a lot of people who love blaming their husband for everything. I was one of them. Right. It's really nice racket. And I'm like, if you're ready to have it be phenomenal, reach out. And I'm here. I do take a few one on ones. That's a big, big commitment. But our group is awesome. My Tuesday class is free.
Amber: You know, your book is coming.
Annie: And my book, because I want that to be there for everyone. I want that to just always be there for people because stories are powerful.
Amber: Yeah. And I've been through a lot and I share a lot more. And you've seen miracles and you're facilitating them, watching your clients create them. It's so fun.
Annie: It is so fun. You know, I hear all these horror stories about weddings. And now I know because without my husband's support and without our clarity, it would have been a nightmare. It was hard, but it was so wonderful and such a gift. Just like, how can you not have a fabulous life? I'm here for it. It's awesome. I was grateful you asked me to speak about it because my number one job is mom. I love being here for my kids.
I love the foundation and legacy we're giving to our kids of this being in love and this family foundation we're building. And so my work is just a plus plus. My work is just a bonus that I get to share. So I love that I get an opportunity like this because you have listeners and readers that are like, oh, my goodness, you can change your life without burning it to the ground. I literally read an Instagram post where she's like, when you have that urge to burn it all to the ground, don't doubt it.
Go for it. And I'm like, okay, she has to validate her experience. But I'm going to tell you, it is normal on your spiritual progression as a woman for your inner masculine to come out and you to be very angry at everything. That is a normal spiritual step. Please don't burn it all to the ground if you don't want to.
Amber: You don't have to. And you can like the book The Alchemist, like you can be an alchemist, like you can transform your current life without getting rid of it. Absolutely.
Annie: And I'm a testament to that. Now, in our mastermind, we share of like real time, you know, honest, out of respect for my husband. I want to share a lot of that in the book because it's private and it's not appropriate. But like I know Amber knows and she knows because she knows me. She's my coach. Like it's transformative.
And I had mom at the retreat is like, this is better than ayahuasca, like support without diarrhea and throwing up. Right. And, you know, without getting a tick bite in Peru, like this is a big thing.
Amber: So I've seen the change in you. And it's like in every domain, right, like emotionally, physically, financially, in your motherhood, in your marriage, in your work. It transformed you from the inside out. So I'm so glad that you got to come on. I'm so happy for you. And I'm happy for the women who get to do the work with you.
And I think, too, I'll just say this, like based on what I know about your clients is like they know it's for them. It's like something pulls them to do the work. And so if you're listening to this, like you probably know if it's meant for you because, you know, it was meant for you when it found you.
Annie: And I love about podcasts is that I know that that's what resonance is. So if you're hearing my voice right now, I'm not a guru, but the right people come at the right time. And I'm happy to share what worked in order to help.Yeah, that's the beautiful part is our spiritual gifts don't bless ourselves. They bless other people. And I love that I can do that and share that and thinking for giving me the opportunity to reach your audience and share with them and go, there's nothing wrong with you.
Amber: Yes.
Annie: You're just ready for more and even better with less work without the illusion of control, because it's really not.
Amber: And we didn't say this earlier, but I think it's a good way to kind of wrap things up. Like no one taught you this. You don't need to be mad or like down on yourself. Like no one taught you this. Society doesn't teach you this. Like this was not modeled. You're not like messed up because you got it wrong. It's just like lingo for marriage.
Annie: Really look like that. It's like, wow, I just wasn't speaking their language. Right. What if I learn how to just let him be a man? Most of us are trying to manipulate them into a woman. It's not working. And I like seeing the different generations. My generation, mid forties and up was I can do everything a man can do because men are incredible. I'm seeing thirties and below is I can do everything a man can do because he's a piece of crap. Yes. Different conversation, different conversation.
And I look at my boy who's 15 and I look at the world's telling him and guess what these boys are doing. They have all the technology. They have everything. They're building wrestling arenas and boxing each other lifetime to see like they want real competition. They want realness. And I think the world is ready for strong marriages and strong families starts with the women. Every woman, Laura Doyle said this and I hated that she said it, but it's true. Every woman has the marriage. She is true.
Amber: I see.
Annie: And that's a gift. It is a gift.
Amber: Yes, because I have the marriage that I'm choosing and it's fantastic. And so it's like that's the great unlock is it can be great. It can be exceptional. Amazing. The man you're with. With the man you're with, which is the best news. Thank you, Annie, for your wisdom, for the work that you've done to be here and how you're leading the charge and doing really good work with your clients. I appreciate you and your time today. Thank you.
Annie: Thank you for letting me share. And I'm just so excited for the women who are ready.
Amber: Me too. Me too. Go find Annie. I'll make sure everything is linked in the show notes so they can get your book when it's time. Join your email list. Find your writings or your coaching or whatever. But yeah, this is amazing. Thank you.
Annie: Thank you. Bye.
