Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. I sat at my desk today, two different times, trying to record this. And it's not a tech thing, it was like an awareness thing. It's like the words didn't come. And I'm pretty committed and dedicated to creating this podcast for us. For me, and for you, and for us. And came back tonight, after a full, beautiful day. And I still don't have the words, but I just hit record and I'm going to trust.
And I have a passage that I want to read. I have some reflections that I've been thinking about because this is my birthday week. My personal new year is this Saturday, May 23rd. And I'm recording this after I put my kids to bed, after a full, beautiful day coaching and teaching and Voxing and writing emails and being with my kids and lots of driving. We're still in that driving season where I'm commuting my kids to school.
But this Friday, they're done with school. So I'm counting down the days. And honestly, it's funny because the light at the end of the tunnel is so close. I'm enjoying the drive. I'm trying to listen to music and vox my people, send voice notes to friends, call my mom, things like that.
And I've been thinking a lot about my personal new year and what that means and the chance that I have to reflect on lessons and what this year held for me and what the new year is going to hold for me. And the word that came to me was beauty. And that might surprise you, not in the traditional sense of like the word beauty, but a deeper meaning.
And I actually wanted to read, this is from David Whyte, his book, Consolations, his chapter called Beauty. And I think it'll set the tone for us. He says, beauty is the harvest of presence, the evanescent moment of seeing or hearing on the outside what already lives far inside us.
The eyes, the ears, or the imagination suddenly become a bridge between the here and the there, between then and now, between the inside and the outside. Beauty is the conversation between what we think is happening outside in the world and what is just about to occur far inside us. Beauty is an achieved state of both deep attention and self-forgetting.
The self-forgetting of seeing, hearing, smelling, or touching that erases our separation, our distance, our fear of the other. Beauty invites us through entrancement to that fearful frontier between what we think makes us and what we think makes the world. Beauty is almost always found in symmetries and intriguing asymmetries.
The symmetries and asymmetries seen on creation, the wings of the moth, the airy sky and the solid earth, the restful focused eyes of a loving face in which we see our own self reflected. The symmetry also therefore of bringing together inner and outer recognitions, the far horizon of otherness, seen in that face joined to the deep inner horizon of our own being. Beauty is an inner and an outer complexion living in one face.
Beauty especially occurs in the meeting of time with the timeless, the passing moment framed by what has happened and what is about to occur, the scattering of the first spring apple blossom, the turning spiraling flight of a curled leaf in the falling light, the smoothing of white sun-filled sheets by careful hands setting them to air on a line, the broad expanse of cotton filled by the breeze only for a moment, the sheets sailing on into dryness billowing toward a future that is always beckoning, always just beyond us.
Beauty is the harvest of presence. That's just what I feel. Isn't that beautiful? I really liked that passage and it's just what I feel about my life. My life is beautiful. My business is beautiful. I feel like I'm in a season of harvesting presents. It's funny, I was like looking at myself in the mirror as we do when I was younger. I still remember the first time I dissociated when I looked in the mirror.
I was like 14 and I looked in the mirror and it was like it wasn't me looking back. It was like I was watching myself watch myself. I don't know if you've had a moment like that and there's a lot of reasons I would dissociate as a kid. Not gonna get into that. Kind of one of those weird experiences but now I'm able to like stay in my body and many of you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Where I'm able to like really be with myself when I look in the mirror and it's funny I've had this conversation with a few clients about like physical beauty but like a beautiful life you know and so I really like that passage because it kind of points to all of that like the harvest of presence like looking in the mirror being with yourself and I'm looking at my aging you know and I'm turning 33.
I know I'm young in many ways but I actually just wrote a Substack so if you don't follow me on Substack you can go find it but I labeled it or named it my biggest insecurity in business and it was basically this is real for me. I'm always like afraid of people finding out my age and as I get older that's less and less but especially when I got started you know I started my business when I was 25.
Yeah 25 and I coached people in their 50s and 60s pretty early on in my business and I used to be like really afraid as if they like didn't know. It's so funny. Of or they just like weren't paying attention. It didn't matter. My people are so amazing like you guys don't care how old I am but like this is like my own stuff right. My own thoughts. My own fears.
My own insecurities and so I write this Substack about my biggest insecurity in business is basically about people finding out my age and leaving me. I've always wanted to be older than I am. That thought can make me cry. I don't know where that's coming from but as a young kid I always wanted to be older than I was. I always took the perspective of being older than I was.
I've always gravitated towards people who are older than me as friends as mentors as peers. I always wanted to sit at the adult table as a child. I am drawn to wise old women to learn from and men. I like reading books from older men too. Just like people who are aged like I love the perspective. I love the groundedness. I love the wisdom. So my fear is always like people are going to find out my age and leave me.
They're going to find out my age and not want to be my friend. They're going to find out my age and not want to hire me. They're going to find out my age and kind of like dismiss my body of work. It's just like this humming fear. It's not super loud. It feels more like an echo now. So it's interesting as I'm like gearing up for my personal new year as I'm thinking about turning 33. I'm watching my children grow up.
Today my daughter lost her tooth and she's my baby. It brought up a lot of stuff for me. Bittersweet. Totally bittersweet. Really grateful to be present for her. To celebrate her milestones. It's like oh my gosh. How are we here? Beauty. That passage has a lot of meaning to me because of that word. I guess that phrase harvesting presents. Can I capture beauty in my life? That's my whole main premise.
I also wrote in my Substack about this feeling of settling into my business which I kind of talked about on the podcast. But I'm just so grateful for it. As I've been experimenting so much in my business it feels really good. And if you're a student of human design which I always say I cherry pick. I cherry pick from Gene Keys. I cherry pick from human design. I cherry pick from the Enneagram. I cherry pick from the MBTI or whatever.
I just take what lands. But one of the things that does resonate for me is I'm at line six in human design which if you're not familiar it basically talks about like these three phases of life. Like the first 30 years, the second 30 years, and like the final years. And so the second 30 years which is what I'm kind of entering into is kind of like moving to the roof and observing. And that's kind of what I feel.
So for you human design nerds like send me a message. I'd love to hear what you think about this. But I feel that. I feel a settled in feeling with my business. Not that I don't want it to grow. Not that I'm not ambitious. I totally am. I always like growth and evolution. But the way that I'm fueling it what drives me is like this deep presence in my life that like I just want more of what I already have.
And I know that that line I feel like I'm so grateful that I can say that at 32 almost 33. Like I know that that's a gift. And I coach a lot of women who I kind of talk about this in Substack too. But I coach a lot of women who are empty nesters. Who have adult children. Some of them it becomes kind of like a joke. Like they're like I could be your mom. And I'm like oh hopefully that's okay.
Because I coach them on all sorts of stuff and I'm not gonna go too deep into that. But it's just kind of funny based on what I shared about my insecurity about my age. But in real talk when I coach them one of the things that I witness is this figuring out what they want later in life. And we look for this golden thread of desire that many women that I coach whether that was because of the way that they were taught as a child in church with their parents. It wasn't modeled to them by their own mothers right.
For a lot of us women like we were not taught how to know and to get what we want. And so so much of my work with private clients especially is like getting clarity and detangling basically like untangling all these thoughts around wanting what we want and getting what we want. Even like intimacy with what we want. For a lot of my clients they've spent years being mothers which is like absolutely incredible.
And then they enter the world of entrepreneurship because they want to but their relationship with their desires is kind of wonky. And so a lot of our work is like peeling back the layers of trusting themselves. Of allowing. Of receiving. Of clarity. Of decision making. Of boundaries. Of communication. Of moving through people pleasing. Of reclaiming sovereignty.
Of truly having their own back with what they want in life and in business. And kind of introducing a new way of being to their family and their loved ones because it's new right. Like they spent most of their lives not doing that. And so now all of a sudden they're doing that and it brings stuff up in their marriage with their adult kids. And so this is real. This is like half of the coaching that I do.
And if you're a client listening to this I love you and I love this work and it's hard. It brings up a lot of stuff which is why I coach. So as I share all of this like I recognize what a gift it is to know what I want. Not always. Sometimes I have to move through the dark. You know contrast creates clarity. Sometimes I'm crashing out and trying to figure it out. But I reset and I recalibrate. And I do the work to get in tune with what I want.
And I've said this in many different ways but I honestly think it's the hardest thing is like keeping up with ourselves and our own energy. And the changing dynamics and the changing rapid evolution that so many of us experience. We were not taught to keep up with ourselves. I was taught to pick something and stick with it which like I get why I was taught that. That was like a value that worked in the old paradigm.
But it doesn't work in the new paradigm where like the internet and AI and social media and careers that like literally didn't exist when I was a child you know. We move so fast. And so a lot of the thinking a lot of the beliefs that many of us grew up with are no longer useful. Like pick a thing and stick with it right. On top of that being a manifesting generator that just doesn't work for me.
But what I found is this healthy balance and that's something that I want to celebrate and honor in myself I guess. Sounds kind of weird to say that but here we are. I've found a balance of a business model that can hold me and hold my clients that feels steady. That feels like lighthouse energy. For me right now that's House of Abundance which is my year-long group coaching program.
The Miracle Mind which is my hybrid mastermind program in one-on-one coaching. Things that are steadfast and rolling. And then I get to play. Like I'm wrapping up Quantum Play this week. I did Business Synergetics which was a one-on-one Genki's experience. I'm doing How to Love Money this summer. I'm doing the summer sessions which is a one-on-one experience.
Like all these things that are short-term and not evergreen and have like a shell fly where they're not gonna be around forever. And so I get the best of both worlds. And that's coming from a lot of experiments. A lot of failures. A lot of me processing and being honest about what I want. But this all ties into the theme of like keeping up with yourself. And that's like the big thing that I'm looking at in my personal new year.
It's like I want that to be the beauty that I bring in to this next year which is how do I keep up with myself and how quickly I evolve. I joke that like I'm literally not the same person that I was like six hours ago, days ago. Definitely not the same person I was a few months ago. And so my biggest challenge and for a lot of my clients this is true. Keeping up with what I want now. What I'm clear about. What I'm available for.
The money that I'm calling in. The frequency that I bring to my life. The things I want with my kids. And like it's not like I'm bipolar. Changing my mind so extreme. But my energy shifts. I get clarity. I move. I have ideas. I'm getting rapid clarity about things that I want. The way that I sign clients. The way that I call in money. The way that I sell and market and create content. The way that I teach.
And so keeping up with myself and harvesting presence feels like a beautiful business to me. And I'm really grateful that I'm on this right because now I just get to build my body of work. Now I just get to keep doing client work that I love. I think there's this quote by Naval Ravikant and he said play long term games with long term people. And I just feel like that's the season I'm in. Not that I'm against shorter term stuff. I do that too.
But what I'm really interested in is the depth. And I think as a coach as a mentor as a guide and if you're one of those listening to this like that's the future. AI, the internet, quick solutions and quick answers are available for free or for like $19.99 a month right through our AI tools. Your clients don't need quick answers from you. My clients want depth. They want to be witnessed. I know that. They want nuance.
They want the long answer. They want time. They want presence. Which is why I do retreats. Which is why I do one-on-one coaching. Which is why I do Voxer. Which is why I'm not in the business of like quick solutions. Like I don't do a lot of how-to content if you've noticed. You're here so you're noticing. On Instagram I don't do how-to content. On Substack I don't do how-to content. It's not that I'm against it.
It's just you can use your AI bot for that. You can use Google for that. You don't need me for how-to content. My clients want me for something different. And these last two days I'm holding with clients in seasons that are difficult. I actually sent a message to my Miracle Mind ladies. For those Miracle Mind ladies listening they're laughing because like all of them were kind of just like in a place and like that's okay.
So I sent them all a Voxer and was like hey it sounds like we're all going through a low vibe. A low frequency. We're holding things that feel hard. And for a variety of reasons. Right? Personal relationships. Business stuff. Complex ideas that things are rippling out in their business. In their personal life. Travel. Parenting. Money stuff. Business stuff. Like all of it. And that's human nature. Actually I shared this in Quantum Play today too.
Like just because we're conscious creators and this was really the theme of last week's podcast. Just because we're conscious creators does not mean we don't have the human experience. And so that's why I read Beauty. The human experience is about harvesting presence. That doesn't mean you just harvest presence when like it's an Instagrammable life where it's like the perfect picturesque moment in time.
It means crying in your bathtub. It means journaling and like being with the angst. It means sending the message asking for help. It means feeling confused. It means feeling sad and frustrated. Sometimes. Not all the time. But meeting the human experience. You know it's why I'm drawn to like the passage that I read from David Whyte. I really like him as a writer. He's like kind of like the person I'm going to.
It's also why I'm drawn to the Gene Keys. Even the framework of the Gene Keys is something that just so deeply resonates with me, like the shadows and the gifts and the siddhis. And there's this line in the Gene Keys, which I've quoted this before, but I think it's so relevant to this conversation about beauty and about just like the reality of being a human, building businesses, and also studying conscious creation, right?
So in the back of the book, with a spectrum of consciousness, and you can see all of the gifts, the shadows, and the siddhis. At the bottom it says, embrace the shadow, release the gift, embody the siddhi. S-I-D-D-H-I if you haven't looked at the Gene Keys. Siddhi as in like a spiritual embodiment. Embrace the shadow, release the gift, embody the siddhi. And I just feel like that's the work that I want to be doing with people.
Like I want to be with people in the frequencies, in the hard times. I think that's what I'm witnessing in my clients who are so brave and amazing and incredible and self-aware and conscious and do the work. They're so incredible. It's like doing shadow work, being honest about how we're feeling, being honest when we're not doing well, being honest when we're frustrated, when things didn't go as planned, you know?
And I don't say that to be a downer. I just say that to be real, like a real human over here doing real human things. And just because we create our own reality doesn't mean that there's not shadows to work through. Doesn't mean there's not lower vibrations to transmute. Doesn't mean there's not human experiences where we would choose to feel pain, sadness, anger, frustration, powerlessness, despair, depression, anxiety.
And so I think it's just about being honest and telling the truth. And I think gone are the days of the guru on the pedestal who pretends that it's all high vibe. From some perspectives, I can see why people teach that. But from the human perspective, from my, from Amber Lee Smith, my perspective, I am very human.
And so me looking at my clients, me being honest about where I'm at, me doing the work, me contemplating my personal new year and what I really wanted to be. I wanted to be about beauty, the kind of beauty that I read in that passage about harvesting presence, not about gaslighting myself, not about pretending, not about doing the smoke and mirror show online, but like genuine, real, human, full spectrum human work.
The work that I do with my clients were like, sometimes it's really hard and they're so brave and they bring it to the session and they do the work on it and they're vulnerable and they're coachable and they get feedback and they say the real thing and I hold with them and I witness them and we coach and there's guidance.
And a lot of times it's just reflecting back, but I'm with them in a very real way, a way that like your chat with AI cannot be. Your AI might tell you stuff, it can spew out answers, but I think the future is like a guidance business where mentors and coaches really see their people and they hold with their people and they witness their people, like that's what I'm experiencing this week. I'm grateful that I have a coach that does that for me.
I'm grateful that I have friends who do that with me, parents, thanks mom, who can offer that in their own way, my sisters who can offer that in their own way, like we want real humans. And so my encouragement for you, especially for those coaches, mentors, content creators who are listening is like be with the shadow, be with the gift and be with the siddhi. When you're doing well, be honest about that.
When you're struggling, be honest about that. You don't have to like air your dirty laundry online, but I think we want real human connection. I watched the Noah Khan documentary and it really struck me like why we are resonating with music the way that we are and like why some music doesn't resonate anymore, at least artists, right? We want artists that are like telling the truth.
We want artists that say the real thing, that write the real poem, that write the real song, that sing from their heart, that share the painting that came from their soul, where the lines are alive. We want aliveness. We don't want a robot. So I got a really beautiful question today on Quantum Play and she said, is the goal always being neutral?
Because we're talking about a tool called duality surfing on Quantum Play, which is something that I use with my clients to neutralize the emotional charge of things. And so she asked like, is neutral the goal? And my answer was like, no, neutral is a tool. Figuring out how to be neutral about something is a tool, but like, I don't think we came for the human experience to feel neutral all the time.
We actually want the full spectrum, including the shadows. I'm looking at this like 64 gene Some of the shadows are like chaos, impatience, conflict, vanity, discord, superficiality, control, complexity, constriction, selfishness, desire, which is interesting. Other shadows, forgetting, turbulence, weakness, struggle, exhaustion, deafness, dominance, seriousness, inadequacy, agitation, stress, right? Like I can keep going.
We came for that too. We came to move through it, which means we have to feel it. The way through is through. As my friend Bree told me on Instagram from Bridget Dodson, which I still so appreciate. The way through is through. And I think that's the work. That's the work that I want to do. That's the work I'm doing. Literally like embrace the shadow, release the gift, embody the siddhi.
I don't understand how people can separate a spiritual life from business. And I don't mean spiritual life in terms of religion. I think to me it's like spiritual life is in your higher purpose here. Understanding how reality really works. Your one precious life. The body that you have, the age that you are, the kids or the non-kids or the relationships that you have. This time period will never come again. It is such a gift.
But you came for the full experience of being human. I know that's been my work, is like really letting that be okay. I'm a deep feeler. I'm super existential. So like if you're familiar with astrology, like I have a Cancer Moon and a Scorpio rising. I'm a Gemini, but I have this like deep dark side to me too. And I used to like be confused by that. But now I see it as like what makes me a multi-dimensional human being just like you.
We are not one-sided beings. We are not one-sided creatures. We have depth. There's a multitude of things that are real for you. High highs and low lows are a part of the experience. Love, joy, bliss is part of the human experience. And so are all the other things. So like I read some of the shadows. Here's some of the gifts. Patience, guidance, determination, discernment, magnetism, integrity, sensitivity, lightness, leadership, artfulness, freedom, intuition, vitality, intimacy.
And then some of the siddhis, which are just beautiful. Tenderness, liberation, divine will, ecstasy, freedom, transparency, justice, sanctity, truth, illumination, grace, universal love, devotion, virtue, peace, timelessness, forgiveness, unity, beauty. Beautiful words to contemplate. I ended on beauty, which is very synchronistic. I didn't mean to, but that's kind of how I started this. And that's what I'm here for.
That's what I'm thinking about. That's what feels true for me today. I don't have a lot of business advice, even though it's so funny. I hesitate to use the word business coach, even though that's why a lot of people work with me. But I just feel like the higher purpose is so far beyond business.
It's about you being you and all of you and walking the path of your becoming, walking the path of possibility, seeing what you can do with your gifts, seeing how you transmute your fears, how you elevate out of victim consciousness into creator consciousness, how you use your gifts to serve others, how you bring more love into the world. That's what this is all about. How you bring more beauty into the world by harvesting presence.
Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank you for walking the path with me. I appreciate you all. I genuinely, genuinely do. Like, I really do. I love hearing from you and your thoughts about the podcast, your questions, your contemplations, your unique perspective that you bring. I appreciate it all. Thanks for walking with me. I'll see you next week. Bye.
