Hey, hey, hey, welcome back to the podcast. This is actually take two. I recorded this whole episode about the Elevate Retreat and my reflections yesterday, and I literally woke up in the middle of the night was like, that's not it. That is not it. And I'm here recording it again from a very different place, which I think will be more useful because like the way that I recorded it yesterday was like, very linear.
I literally like opened my journal and just like shared the things that I wrote down and I missed the spirit of the whole thing. Like I really did. And so I'm rerecording it and I want to infuse the spirit of the week, the vibration of the week, the frequency of the week, and the upgrades and the revelations and the reflections between the lines.
Because like yesterday when I recorded the episode, it was like the lines, what I wrote down, the aha that like I literally transcribed in my journal and that like would totally do you a disservice and me of like what the week was for me and like beyond. Not just being in Florida with the mastermind, but literally like what I've been going through for six months to a year.
In fact, once I got home from the retreat, like I was looking around my house and just feeling not angst, that's not the right word, but like an intolerance around things that aren't a vibrational match for me. So I was like looking at my bookshelf and feeling this like cringy, tight, constricted feeling when I was looking at the books on my bookshelf that I've had on my bookshelf for years. And I have this like weird emotional attachment to my books that I've read.
You know, the books on my bookshelf are all books that I've actually read. Some of them more meaningful than others. But coming back from the retreat with my coach Amber and my incredible mastermind and all the women that she brought in to support us and her family, like I'm like a different human. And that's like we're going to talk about like the upgrades from the week. I literally feel like an intolerance to things.
And I'm going to talk about what this means for my business to intolerance to things that like and this isn't a judgment at all. Like it's not like good and bad. It's more of like what I want to be doing with my life. In fact, I got this email, I think yesterday from Rich Litvin, who has been one of my mentors for a long time. Like I read his book, The Prosperous Coach, in 2018, I think, and it truly changed my whole business.
Anyway, so I really enjoy his emails and his thought leadership. And I got this email from him and he shared this quote. He said in life, the challenge is not so much to figure out how best to play the game. The challenge is to figure out what game you're playing. And I feel like coming home from the retreat and the upgrades and the experience that I had in the ahas, epiphanies, clarity. It's like, yeah, I want to be so clear about the game that I'm playing.
And honestly, you know, starting my business eight years ago now, I've gotten a lot of clarity through experimentation, through trial and error. And I looked at my bookshelf and was like, I'm grateful for those books. And they aren't necessarily useful for me today. The version of me that exists today, which that's my big aha from the retreat.
Like I said yesterday, I recorded this like 45 minute episode about the linear nature, but my work with my clients, but also like my own journey in business with my mentors and coaches is not linear at all. At all. And so I almost like woke up in the middle of the night, not like in a cold sweat, but like a, that's not it. That's not the episode. Because I shared it so linearly. Like on day one, we went to the beach and did a meditation.
On day two, we did foundational scripts. On day three, we did biochemistry of belief, which those things are true. But the way that it cracked me open, the things that I'm contemplating, the things that shifted inside of me were all nonlinear. And so I wanted to come back and rerecord and share the nonlinear perspective in, obviously you don't know what the other episode was, but I do. And so I wanted to share it from a different place.
Even like the energy of my voice is different today because I'm a nonlinear person. I taught a program called Kairos that is like literally about timing and nonlinear time. And that's literally how I live my life. That's how my work is. That's how my insights are. It's beyond time. And I had this moment on the beach in Florida. So we all met in Blue Mountain Beach in Florida. It was stunning and such a vibe and transformational, just like walking on the beach, at least for me.
I took a lot of solo walks, just integrate. One day between sessions, I went to the beach, I found a dune and I just sat there and watched the waves. And like I had this little portal moment where like, it's hard to explain, like some of the things that I'm going to share are pretty mystical in nature. So I'm trying to put words to things that are beyond words. Eckhart Tolle says words can point to the truth, but they're not the truth. That's what I'm going to attempt to do.
But from a place of like, I am not the same human that I was when I went to Florida. And I've had moments like this where I'm like, literally not the same. And I love trying to capture it here on the podcast, both for me, but also in hopes that it's helpful to you. So anyway, I'm sitting on this dune overlooking the beach. It's just me and my thoughts. And I'm watching the waves and like, I literally go beyond time.
I know it sounds weird, but I have no concept of how long it's been, what a minute feels like. I really like am so present with myself. I stop thinking. There weren't thoughts happening in my mind. It was just a level of presence, of beingness. And I've taught this through years like we do have. But what my coach Amber does such an amazing job of is really pointing you back to yourself. So when I got on the plane, see, I told you this is gonna be like a very nonlinear description of what happened. When I got on the plane to go home.
I took this video, some of you follow me on Instagram. And I took a video out the plane window where I could see the clouds. And I wrote homeward because I was heading home. But throughout the week, homeward has such a different feeling for me. And like Amber's podcast is literally called homeward. She was on the podcast talking about money codes a few weeks ago. So hopefully you've been introduced. She's amazing.
But homeward to me, it was like me sitting on the beach and meeting myself, not for what I think, not for how I intellectualize things, not for what I know. It can make me cry. Not for all the wisdom that I've even like bring out in sessions like just me. And it's hard to put words to that experience because it wasn't something that had words attached to it. It was like an experience.
Beyond time, beyond the thoughts that I have about myself, beyond the labels that I've developed, like I'm an Enneagram nine, I'm an INFP, I'm a Gemini, I'm a manifesting generator, right? Like beyond all those words, there was just me on the beach. And I met myself and like that was the theme of the week, right? Like I met different versions of me and had to confront different paradigms and patterns and stories that I've held inside.
And I think that's what's powerful about an immersive experience like this was. And like what's cool about immersive experiences, you don't have to go to the beach to have these kinds of things. And yet I think it's really powerful to put yourself in new physical locations, seeing new scenery. One of the advantages I think that I had is like, I've never been to that beach before. It was new.
So it allowed myself to meet new versions of me, but not really new, just versions of me that I haven't been with. Not the mom version of me, which is like the dominant version of me in my life, right? Like you guys might not see that in this podcast because this podcast is a lot about my work, but like day in, day out, 95% of my life is being mom. And that's great. And I love that version of me.
And I have this ocean of depth and things that I think about and my many existential graces and putting patterns together and connecting the dots and the rabbit holes in my own emotional well of experiences and the way that I see the world and perspectives that I gave her room to breathe. And I met her. And to me, that's what homeward really means. And that was just like one little, I don't even know.
I think it ended up being like an hour on the beach, but honestly, like it did not feel like an hour. It felt like a week. It felt like five minutes, right? If you've had a mystical experience like that, you know what I'm talking about. Like it was like beyond time. So when I looked at my phone later, right, I was like, oh, it's been about an hour, but it could have been a week long. It could have been five minutes. I'm not sure. I was experiencing that. But like I met myself in just presence.
So that was one moment. Like I said, I'm going to share this nonlinearly. Another thing that we did, we met on the beach twice as a group formally. I went to the beach every day, multiple times a day. But we met as a group twice formally at the very beginning, the night that we all arrived under the moonlight. And we kind of set some intentions.
When she asked us what word came forward from the meditation, the word that I shared was unfolding, right? To like allow the unfolding. And that was my commitment. When I was flying there, I was like, I'm going to play full out. And I often don't. In fact, one of my early podcast episodes, and this seems to resonate with my people from the beginning, very, very beginning of my podcast, I have this thing that shows up in my life, which honestly has been a recurring theme, which is like I give 85% or 90%. And this started with playing sports.
So like in basketball, I would like give 90% effort as a defense mechanism, because I was terrified of giving my all and it not being enough. So if I give 90%, even if we lost, at least the ego deep inside of me could be like, yeah, but I had more to give and I didn't give it. And I do this in relationships where like I give 90%. And I hold a little bit back in case they can't meet me at my depth. That could make me cry. I give 90% in my business in case it doesn't go well.
I can have that assurance deep inside that my ego is protected. And that's been a pattern in my life for sure. And it is absolutely self-protection. There's a lot of reasons for it, which I'm not going to get into, but I committed flying there. I was like, I'm going to see what playing full out really feels like. And like there's times where I didn't, but a lot of times I allowed myself to go there.
And so one of those moments on the last night of the formal retreat, we all went to the beach again. That morning there was like the blood moon eclipse. So like I had woken up early that morning with a few other ladies. I call them my blood moon sisters, where we watched the eclipse over the beach and it was like red and beautiful. And because it was darker than usual, like we could also see the stars. Me and my friend Darcy saw a shooting star over the ocean.
I mean, it was just like such a vibe. It was crazy. And then we came back later and watched the sunrise on the other side of the beach. And it was like orange and glowy and just breathtaking. The whole experience was life changing. And then that night we come back and we do another meditation on the beach under the full moon with the moon shining down on us, reflecting on the white sand coming up at us. Like it was such a portal.
And Amber led us through a meditation where I had another like timeless, that's too hard to put to words, like very mystical, deep, very hard to describe. But it was about different frequencies that I could see. And I was a part of it. I don't even know. But I was changed on that beach. After the meditation, she has this like dancing with our shadow selves, with our inner children. We're all just like letting it rip on the beach. We're just full send dancing to the music.
It must have looked crazy from the outside, but like it was so healing for everyone. We're all really bonded after that experience because it's like we're all grown women dancing our hearts out on this beach, you know. And that's actually like a moment that I'll never forget. And I think everyone who was there would agree. And that was another upgrade for me, like cellular. It's hard to describe, but the person who went onto the beach is not the same person who walked off the beach.
And so what's interesting about these things is like I didn't share any of this in the episode that I talked about yesterday because I went to my journal and shared the linear experience. But right now I'm just sharing what's present for me from that cellular version of me that was upgraded. And so I am a student advocate lover of the Gene Keys.
And when I think about a lot of the things that happened, it was definitely like moving from shadow to gift and in some cases gift to city, which is like really hard to put words to about presence for me, which is my life's work in the Gene Keys. My radiance is freedom, which I absolutely felt freedom to be me. And so after we did our moon dance, we all met back in the circle and we kind of went around and like shared what was present for me.
And a lot of people shared beautiful words, but the word that I shared was, I feel like me in totality. And it was almost like all these different fractals of myself, the mom version, the wife version, the writer version, the coach version, the deep thinker, old soul version, the friend, the daughter, the client, the coach, all these fractals of me came into wholeness, came homeward into one culminating moment.
And like, again, I'm trying to put words to something that is very hard to describe. I felt like me. And I think for so many of us, like that's why we set off on the self-help journey in the first place is we want to feel alive as ourselves. We don't want to necessarily change who we're being.
I think that's like the great myth of self-help is like we need to change ourselves. And it's like, no, we don't. We need to unlearn.
The big word that I've been thinking about is more of like a remember version. It's not about knowing something. And actually, that's something that I shared with Amber when I got there. You know, I was joking with Wesley before I left because he kind of was like, what do you think you're going to learn? And I was like, I don't think I'm going to learn anything. And it was like a really big moment for me to realize that. Like, I don't get coaching.
I don't get mentorship. Not that I don't have things to learn. Of course I do. But I'm not trying to get knowledge. I'm not trying to absorb data. I'm not trying to learn processes and frameworks the same way that I once was. I'm really at the phase where I want to respond to life. I want to have such a deep trust in life that life brings me things to respond to, to play with. I want to be present to the ideas. And it's not like, oh, I'm too good to learn.
Hopefully that's not what you're getting. It's just like, I'm not here to get something that I lack. I'm here to extract something that's already inside. Which Amber does a masterful job at that for me personally. And all the ladies in the room. Like, we were so cohesive that way. Like, I felt like every woman that I talked to in Elevate would help me pull out something from the well inside of me.
Not necessarily giving me something that I lacked, but reflected back something or invited me to see something different or to remember or even just witness something in me that was there all along. And that's what transformed inside of my psyche, inside of my being, my soul, was like, it's me. And like I said, it's hard to put that experience to words. And I'm attempting to do so.
And then of course, there's this whole other part of the retreat Amber brought in her friends, Rachel Canfield and Leah Pickard. And they shared some very insightful processes. So it's not that processes aren't useful. They absolutely are. I teach with processes. I teach with frameworks. But to think the framework is the silver bullet is a myth and a distraction and an illusion. What I loved about the frameworks that these ladies shared was like it pointed us back to ourselves, which I think is the point of all frameworks.
And you might learn something like Leah taught the biochemistry of belief on one of the days and I loved it. The version of me that went to college and got a degree in psychology like neurotransmitters and neurons and neural pathways, like all that stuff. I'm a nerd for and I love learning stuff. So it's not that I'm done learning stuff. It's just I'm not going to put learning on the altar of success. I don't think accumulating more knowledge is the key.
And a lot of you need to hear that because you are knowledge hoarders, right? Like like me, like I read the books. It's not a surprise to me that I'm shedding books out of my life, shedding old program materials because the frequency that those books were at was mostly about force, like me trying to force something and using knowledge as a way to force things to work. And I know that knowledge itself isn't the key that unlocks what I want.
And so if you know me, you know, I love my books. I quote books. I love books. I love learning. What's interesting, ever since I got back from the retreat and like I'm almost a week post retreat now. And when I got home, usually like I'm listening to a podcast or I'm reading a book, anything that's like knowledge based where it's like, here, I'm going to teach you something just like doesn't resonate right now.
I need almost wisdom teachings where it's just like an invitational experience to contemplate something on the inside. Teachers that reflect me back to myself, teachers that don't see themselves as these teachers, but more like a fellow traveler. It's actually why the Gene Keys resonate so much for me and Richard resonate and Amber resonate so deeply.
And Michael Neal, some of these people that I'm interested in learning from is they're not trying to like impart their knowledge to me. They share their own reflections and invite me to share in those reflections. They hold up the mirror. They're a fellow traveler. There's no hierarchy, which is kind of what I talked about in the last episode, not hierarchy, synarchy or synergy or another word that he says in the Gene Keys is heterarchy, right? To get nerdy.
But it's more of like an invitation to think about something within, to walk with a concept, an idea and see how it lands in your system, in your body, in your mind, in your heart and soul. And that was another big aha for me was like taking my awareness down from like, I think a lot with my like forehead or like even like above my forehead, right? If I had to imagine like where my thinking is coming from, it's just above my head. If you can imagine that energetically, right?
Like I'm thinking here, but what happened in the retreat is like the awareness kind of dropped into my heart, into my solar plexus where I'm thinking from a deeper place. I know it sounds kind of weird, but I can feel that some of you are really going to land with that. I'm not thinking from my head. I can go to the mind. I can extract like what's 11 plus six. Oh, it's 17.
Like I go to my head for that. But when I'm thinking about my business model, when I'm thinking about money, when I'm thinking about what would best serve you guys, when I'm thinking about what's next, I drop into my heart, into my solar plexus. Like I'm thinking from a different part of me. And that feels really exciting. It feels really resonant.
You know, one of the things that's interesting is like when I think of the word resonate, I almost always feel it in my chest or in my gut. Resonance doesn't happen at an intellectual place or level. Resonance happens in our body. And that was another big aha for me is like when I started my business, I thought I needed to make my brain very valuable. I actually think I used to teach that, right? Like make your mind very valuable. And like part of that is true, right?
Like a lot of truths are half truths. So it's not that we don't want to make our mind valuable. I know mine is, right? Like I've accumulated a lot of business knowledge, but when people hire me, it's not necessarily because of that. They're not like, oh yeah, your brain is so valuable. It's like there's a resonance that happens between us.
And one of my favorite teachings in the gene cues is this idea of fractal lines, that there's like people that we're meant to do life and business with. And that resonance doesn't happen at an intellectual level. It happens at a deeper core level, happens in your heart, happens in your solar plexus, a little deeper. And so I've been thinking about that a lot about what I want my business to be, how I want to work with clients, what I want my work to resonate at.
And it is not at the knowledge accumulative, like things that I know level, it's like at a deeper level. And so this retreat just like really cracked me open, this experience cracked me open to meet people who like instantly just resonated. We could just go right into the ocean of my inner world. Like it's so good.
Sometimes, you know, what's interesting about people like you and me is the way that we contemplate the world makes us very alone in our normal life because most people don't think like us. Most people don't operate at the level of consciousness that we do in our homes, with our families, in the world. But to be in a room where most people, almost everyone in the room is living this way was so nice.
Like we could just dive right into the depths, catch each other's eye and just know we're on the same page. Say a word and know what that word means because it's like beyond the words we could even communicate with language, there's like an understanding, a knowing between us was really cool. And like I have that with my clients. It was fun to be in the room as a client and to be reflected that back too.
Because one of the things that I joke with Amber is like she does for me what I do for my clients and it's nice to have it done for me. To be a mess, to be held and supported just like I hold and support my clients. It was nice. And honestly, like as I've been cleaning out my office, told you this episode is going to be very non-linear.
As I've been cleaning out my office and donating the books and throwing away stuff, I found this whole pile of like old program materials from coaches and mentors that I deeply appreciate. And I'm grateful for the things that they taught me, the things that they helped me do, the skill sets that I adopted and developed with them. And they don't resonate anymore. Not in like a, I'm too good for them, like not at all, like not at all. They're amazing teachers.
They're amazing human beings doing amazing things in their businesses, for the world, for their organizations, for their companies by far. And I'll always be grateful for them. But I think I have this clarity, you know, about what I want and what I need that's aligned with my vision, the horizon that I'm moving towards. Not because there is better than here. And that was like another big theme of the retreat. Like there is an illusion in and of itself.
Success and failure is an illusion. Chew on that, right? But I think a lot of us dangle the carrot of like this destination, this milestone, especially in business. It's so easy to do that. But when we look at the higher purpose in business, which is the whole point of me doing business synergetics, which is like this one-on-one experience with the Gene Keys. If you haven't looked at that, make sure you look at that in the link. Full disclosure, like I'm selling it right now.
I'm excited about it though, because higher purpose in business lands different than optimizing your funnel. It lands different than getting the right words on the page. It lands different than like robotically doing the content that you see someone teaching you how to do. When you're aligned with your higher purpose in business, your ideas arise spontaneously.
And that's something that I watched happen at the Elevate Retreat is almost everything was a spontaneous thing. Which resonates with me because like that's kind of how I teach. I literally like just have an idea and like I show up and teach it. Like I don't plan it. I don't script it. I don't have a framework that I've like thought about before I show up and teach. My favorite client sessions are the ones where they don't know what they want coaching on.
We just get to respond to what is present. And the whole week was like that. The whole experience was like that. And so for a lot of you, the planning, this won't resonate for everyone because some of you really like a plan and that's okay. But some of you really need to hear there's a time to plan and there's a time to allow a spontaneous idea to come through you. And even just ask yourself what's your best content?
Is it the content that you've tweaked and refined over periods of time? And you like have it in your notes app and you're editing the crap out of it? Or is it like lightning bolt clarity? You have an idea and you post it. For me it's almost always the lightning bolt clarity. Last night I had a dream. It was weird. It was like I was writing things down and what I wrote down that I actually woke up and wrote down in my notes app was saying something is not the same thing as having something to say. Having something to say usually arises in a spontaneous moment.
It's like a word that lands in your awareness. It's a sentence that you're writing in your journal. It's like a scene that you see in your life that you're like I'm gonna turn this into a reel. And it's beyond planning. And so one of the huge things that I did write down in my journal is the freedom of not having a plan is where I'm at. I have the structures in my business to support that. I've done a lot of work to prepare myself to live where I don't need a plan.
I can just really like respond to life and trust life to bring me what is of the highest good for me and the people that I meant to do life and business with. My family, my clients, my community. And I can just relax and trust that. I don't need to know what I'm even doing for the rest of the year, which sounds pretty maybe spicy to some of you. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know if I'm going to do a master class. I don't know if I'm going to host a retreat.
I don't know if I'm going to do workshops. I don't know. I don't know. I'll show up and respond to the idea as it lands. You know, yesterday I did a community coach-a-thon and that idea was spontaneous. It arose within me, not because I'm like trying to figure out how to market to my ideal client avatar. It was like, hmm, this resonates. Hmm, that sounds fun. Hmm, I think my people would like that. Let's do it. It arose spontaneously. And that's hard to teach.
And this is the great myth of the business industry, I think, is someone will have ideas spontaneously, try it, and then it works. And then they turn around and try to teach you their process or their framework. They write a book about it. They teach a master class about it. They launch a program about it.
But what they miss is it arose spontaneously from them contemplating deeply about life and business, about being willing to try things and play with things. And we see this play out because you can't teach the spontaneous conscious awareness. You can only hold the field for that to happen. And so you see the paradox where when you learn a book or you join a program and they're teaching you their framework, they're actually robbing you.
This was so clear to me. I could like feel this so strong. They're robbing you of your own process for how that happens for you. I can't teach you how I get my ideas because I get my ideas while I'm walking, while I'm listening to the birds, while I'm writing, while I'm listening to my punk rock music, while I'm sitting in bed, when I'm dreaming, while I'm being me. I can't teach you how to be me. I can only help you and reflect back to you how to be you. Homeward.
That's like the whole vibe of what this experience was for me. And so some of you are literally by life, by your business, by your own evolution, are being asked to be more awake and aware of the spontaneous conscious experience you're having on a day-to-day basis. And that is very hard to teach. Which is why I'm more drawn now to like more philosophical, spiritual, poetry type works. Not because like I'm looking for something. I'm not.
I'm expanding my field of awareness and then seeing what pops up and then responding to it. And that's like my whole business thesis right now. And it's exhilarating and it's fun and it also feels like this deep settling in that I've been, you know, looking for. I don't have to look anymore. It's just like this is it. Like there's nowhere else to go. There's nothing I need to find. There's nothing that I need to seek out and accumulate to make my life better.
Now it just gets to expand and evolve and I get to play and I get to respond to what's showing up and I get to serve and love people and I get to have fun and I get to make money and do all the fun business things too. But I just get to be me. And I think a lot of you are ready to hear that and play with that. Like you just get to be you and respond to what shows up from there.
And to me that's such like a loving thing to do for our little selves, for our future selves, for the version of you today. Like you just get to be you and yes there's things that you're gonna try and you know in the 3D there's gonna be success and failure. There's gonna be things that work and don't work. There's gonna be hard days and good days. There's gonna be days that break your heart.
There's gonna be things that you learn that like bring you to your knees about the world, about loved ones, about yourself. There's gonna be experiences that like rip you apart because you're human. You came for the human experience and that's part of being you in this lifetime and all of it is welcome.
And as we do the money work, as we do the business strategy stuff, as we figure out what resonates with your clients and you know who you want to be in the world and what your life's work is and what your higher purpose is in business, the doorway just like swings open and it's your playground. It's almost like your business becomes your cosmic playground and it's beautiful and it's endless. It's timeless.
Evolution is just something that we keep playing with and the point isn't to get there. It's to being here and taking action and learning and meeting people. That's a game I love to play. I've actually been contemplating this quote a lot by Naval Ravikant. He says, play long-term games with long-term people. And I love that idea that like, I don't know, I've been in business for eight years.
I've had some clients for six years which is so amazing and obviously like I'm happy for however long I'm meant to do work with clients for but this longevity, this like spiral of life where we bump into the same lesson in a different way, where we meet different versions of ourselves that have always been there, where we get to bump into like the ancient-ness of our souls with new experiences in life and where we meet ourselves at different levels and different depths.
It's just like what else would you rather be doing? For me the answer is like nothing. Like I feel like I hit the jackpot when I found the career that I'm in, when it opened the door to meeting my kinds of people, where we can have conversations about this all the time, that this is literally what I get to do for my life's work in my home with my kids but also with clients, with you guys in my podcast community, with my coach and the mastermind that I'm a part of, also the mastermind that I facilitate, the miracle mind.
I just feel like so blessed and so lucky like I hit the jackpot. I'm so grateful. And yeah, this was a very different reflection than the first one which I'm really glad that I re-recorded it. So thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for listening. Yeah, go live into the ocean of your inner world. Dive deep. Enjoy it. The ups and the downs. Enjoy the ride and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
