Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. I am nerdily very excited to share today. I want to dive right in because I read this passage in a book by David Whyte. The book is called Consolations and I'll make sure that that's linked in the show notes, but it's from his chapter called Time. And I literally read it and had, you know, one of those moments where you're like, I'm never going to see the world the same way again. Hit the hand. I want to read it to you.
So the whole chapter is amazing, but I'm going to read one little passage and then I'm going to talk about what the title is about your gravity. So this is, like I said, Time. The entrance into time is always the threshold where we are asked to loosen our grasp on our previous fearful understandings. Love is time unanchored and let to be fully itself where the hours are rich and spacious with anticipation and the sudden sense that there is no immediate horizon to our possibilities.
Without love and the all around attention love pays to the world, time is where I feel most powerless because time passes and I will die. So I hold on, of course, to a version of time mediated through control, exhausting my very power to live the very force of my grip. Living fully and giving freedom to those who live with me often means letting go of the way I hold on to time and all the ways I hold on to the people I love too strictly, too narrowly and too unimaginatively to my particular version of time.
Whatever the version of time we have arranged for ourselves, time always feels like a powerful gravity, a pull to our senses, always drawing us toward a clock, toward an appointment, toward a sense that something should be happening now, whether it is actually possible or not. Okay, this is the part that I really want you to pay attention to. He says, time is intimately connected with gravity.
Astonishingly, physicists tell our disbelieving ears that everything gravitates toward places where time moves more slowly, and time seems to move more slowly the greater the mass to which it is near. The greater the gravity, the greater the slowing down of time, so that to our amazement, someone living on a mountaintop ages more quickly than their neighbors down in the valley. What physicists call mass, we could also call presence.
And in a human life, presence is invitational. Presence invites other presences toward it. Presence slows time down and opens up possibilities of experiencing the timeless and the eternal. The depth, amplitude and invitational nature of my presence slows time for everyone around me. Timelessness is the foundation of real charisma and charisma.
By creating a centered, timeless presence, I invite everyone unconsciously to make the choice to join me there or, should they be afraid of what might happen in that slow, spacious territory of possibility, run a hundred miles in the opposite direction. Okay, I'm going to read this last part. It's so good. By creating a centered, timeless presence, I invite everyone unconsciously to make the choice to join me there or, should they be afraid of what might happen in that slow, spacious territory of possibility, run a hundred miles in the opposite direction.
I've been thinking about this passage literally nonstop since I read it a few days ago because the idea that our presence could be like gravity immediately stood out to me, that as far as business owners are concerned, but even in our personal lives, that we have our own gravity to other people, to ideas, to opportunities, like really resonated with me and I felt it before.
The people in my life, my friends, my mentors, Wesley, people in my life that I felt drawn to, they had their own gravity. I have my own gravity and that comes from my presence, the ability to slow time down, that when people experience my presence, they experience time differently, therefore they are drawn to me. What a concept.
If you are a coach or creator listening to this, I think it is worth your contemplation to understand how to create this in your own way, that like you have your own gravity about you. You're literally pulling people in based on your presence, based on how you slow down time, based on your understanding of time. I launched a masterclass a few months ago, many months ago, wow, time is weird, called Kairos and that's a bonus inside House of Abundance.
So if you are in House of Abundance, you can go watch Kairos, but Kairos is this idea of slowing down time where time bends based on your experience of it. So there's two Greek words for time. One is chronos, C-H-R-O-N-O-S. Chronos is how most Americans at least, and I would say like Western, most of the world, right? Think about time, which is like very linear, there's appointments, there's a schedule, there's places to be, and time moves forward and it's the same, right? One minute is the same as any other minute in its linear.
Kairos, K-A-I-R-O-S, Kairos is the kind of time where it reflects like timing. So it's not linear time, it's nonlinear time and it's mostly, it references the experience of timing, mostly divine timing. And so when I read that passage, it made me think like, I think this is one of the reasons that I've been successful at growing my business is like I understand how to slow down time for people.
I think a coaching session is slowing down time for people because they can process their thoughts and their life and their experience and their perceptions and kind of look at it different, which slows down time. The way that I see the world that like I am tuned in to my life, the way that I see my life is slow. I experience time slow. I don't feel rushed. I don't feel in a hurry to get anywhere. And I think people find the gravity in that.
And so if you can do this for the people in your life, for your clients, I think you're naturally going to attract people because you have your own gravity. Like it's so mind blowing and whether or not it's like true with a capital T, I don't know, but the passage was so compelling for me that I had to create a podcast episode because if you're a creator and you have your own gravity, then the only thing that you really have to trust is that people are coming and you don't have to really force it. You don't have to try.
You are literally just responsible for how you use and experience time. So when you read a book, when you go on a walk, when you're watching the birds in the sky, when you're on a call with a friend or a client, when you're looking at your kid's eyes, when you're having dinner with your partner, when you're going to bed, when you wake up in the morning, when you make breakfast, when you scroll Instagram, like how present are you?
In fact, I was studying the gene keys just the other day, one of mine, and it's about absence versus presence. So to kind of throw this into the conversation, so many of us are absent because we're in our reins, right? We're intellectualizing everything we do in our business. We're intellectualizing our patterns. We're intellectualizing the people we love. We're intellectualizing why our business isn't working, why money isn't flowing or whatever. We're thinking about it.
And that is a form of absence because when we are thinking, we are not present. Presence is an awareness. It's more of an observation of life than it is a thinking about life. So I think this is the dance, right? There's the dance that all humans do between thinking about our life and experiencing our life. Labeling things in our experience and just being with things in our experience. It's like the difference between seeing a tree and going, oh, that is this certain type of tree and it's reddish bark and has small buds that will grow in April.
And it attracts this kind of bird versus like being with the tree, feeling the grass versus labeling the grass, being in a client session, thinking about a client session, thinking about what people think about you versus being with someone, thinking about what to respond to your kid versus just like, can you feel the difference? Being with your kid, looking in their eyes, just being in their presence. There's a difference.
And I think more and more as information floods the Internet, as more and more creators start building businesses, if you want to find your people, you need to understand your own gravity, which is about your presence. And I think it's the greatest gift. You know, I've been building my business this way a long time, and it's just funny that now it's so much more common or talked about.
But I think one of the greatest gifts I can give someone is just to witness them in a session on Voxer or whatever, like on a phone call, is like really witnessing their dreams, their fears, their pain, the things they think about, the things they nerd out about, what they're struggling with. It's not just to advise. I mean, I do some advising, I do coaching, I do mentoring for sure. Like it's a conversation.
But at the end of the day, being in presence with another human being is something AI can't do. It's something information and content cannot do. And so as people more and more are using chat GPT to coach them to get answers, when I think about wisdom, wisdom and knowledge are two very different things. Knowledge is like input, input, input. This is what I know.
Wisdom is more about being comfortable with not knowing, which I think comes, like if I think about a coaching session, in the unknown of a question, in the unknown of being in presence with someone, making people safe enough to explore their own answers, reflecting them back to their own inner guidance. That's something that no technology can do. That's a very human experience. And we can feel the difference.
And I think that's the conversation that I think the internet is missing sometimes. It's like, can you just witness someone? Can you be with someone as they're in pain, as they're uncovering something, as they're sharing their dreams, as they're sharing their fears? Can you just be with them? And there might be words spoken, and there might be eye contact, and it might be conversational. But there's a quality of experience that I think sets you apart.
And according to this book, which like I said, whether it's quote, true or not, you have a gravity about you. You literally draw people in when you're present with them, when you experience time different. And so I'm going to drive this point home. I think it can be felt in the emails that you write. I think it can be felt in the content that you create. I think it can be felt when you're teaching a masterclass. I think it can be felt in a podcast.
I think you can tell when people are truly present for the work or not. I've just seen that work. Like when I'm sitting at my desk and I'm like, oh, I need to post robot, robot, robot, you know, like cue robot noises. And I try to force it. And I'm very in my brain about it. And I'm trying to make something happen. It almost never works the way I want it to versus like, you know what, I'm just going to go for a walk. I'm going to think about the sky.
And I'm going to think about the word that I've been contemplating. And maybe a poem that I read. I'm going to think about the conversation I had with my daughter last night. And I'm just going to let my brain go. And then I'm going to get present. And I'm just going to like observe the sounds I hear my feet on the ground. I'm going to feel the wind on my face. I'm going to look at the sky. And usually that's when the idea comes for a post or for a podcast episode.
Or it's like when I'm reading a book, like this whole podcast episode is sparked because of this passage that I read. Like that's not an accident. It's because I choose books, I choose things that make me feel this way, that slow down time for me. And then you think about the opposite of that, like how reels are consumed so quick. Everything social media seems like is for attention, quick attention. And what I'm saying is like, if you do work like me, at least where it's like transformational human work, we don't want to necessarily go quicker.
I'm not trying to like make and perfect my Instagram to be easily consumable, to be quick wins. I want the people who want to contemplate life deeper. I am literally using like my presence, my gravity to draw people in who think deeply about life, about their purpose, about creativity, about abundance, about business. Those are the people that I literally want in my world, in my sphere. And so that means like I have literally stopped thinking about trends, about quick wins, about how to capture attention in the first 15 seconds.
I'm like, I don't want to play that game. I'm playing something so different. So this really spoke to me. I think it'll speak to you too. Because especially like in transformational work or like artistry, where there's like depth and nuance, and it's not about this quick hit of dopamine. It's about so much more. We want to be in that energy. And so the next time you're tempted to like, how do I do it so that more people can notice me? It's not anti-using the platform. Like learning how to post a reel is important.
Learning how to talk on your stories, learning how to create content that resonates for sure is an important skill. I think you should learn. But the quality of your energy behind it is what this conversation is about. And I think people can feel it. I think if you genuinely care, if you are genuinely contemplative about life, you know, whatever you do in your business, whatever niche, whatever product you're selling, whatever offer you're working on. Do you love it?
Do you experience time slowly when you're involved in it, when you're engaged with it? Are you open to the magnificence of life? I think that feels different. And I honestly think people might not have the words for it. But I think this is what, at least if you're like me, like this is what we're craving. We want the depth of being. We want the aliveness. We want the art. We want to feel like it matters. We want to experience time slowly. We want to be in awe of the magnificence that this moment will never come again.
We want to appreciate that we will never be this young again. Our kids will never be this young again. Our partners are never going to be this young again. Not in a lack constricting way, but truly in like a gratitude appreciation way, which is just so different. And so I'm posing this to you because I honestly think more and more people are craving this everywhere. In fact, one of my favorite quotes is by Sid Banks. He says, we have the most wonderful job in the world.
We find people in various stages of sleep, and then we get to tap them on the shoulder and be with them as they wake up to the full magnificence of life. I think that's what we're talking about. Presence. The full magnificence of life that cannot be replicated, that cannot be informationalized. I think we are so tired of the information. In fact, I actually, I'll read you an Instagram post that I wrote just recently. I said, don't tell me about the industry normalized milestone you're going for. Tell me about the keep you up at night vision.
Tell me about the scribbles in your journal. Tell me about the words that come to you on your walks. Tell me about the glimpses of the future you're intimate with. Tell me what you feel compelled to do. Tell me what you feel like you literally can't stay away from. Tell me about the things you think about when you wake up, the things you want to learn about, scream about. Tell me what gives you the tingly feeling in your arms when you're talking about it.
Tell me about the rabbit holes, deep dives, crazy professor vibes. Tell me what makes you come alive. I think this is what we want. We don't just want information. We want to come alive and we come alive in people's presence, not just their physical presence. It's when our attention and our awareness and our heart are all online for another human being. You cannot fake it. What I'll share here too is like, it starts in your own home. It starts with your kids.
It starts with your friends. It starts with your partner and your husband and your partner and your spouse. It starts with your parents. It starts with the person at the grocery store. It starts with your neighbor. It starts with that one mom at the school pickup that you feel kind of weird about.
It starts with your grandma. It starts with the telemarketer on the phone. Like, it starts in your life. Like, can you be present to your life, to your loved ones?
Because if you can't do it in real life, it's very hard to do it on the internet. At least well, long term. And so my invitation to you is like, can you show up for your life with full presence? Can you show up for your walks with full presence? Can you show up for brushing your teeth with full presence? When you eat yummy food, can you be present with the experience? This is why I think people teach meditation. It's an exercise in presence.
Can you be present when you're journaling? Can you be present when you're watching a movie where you don't go numb, where you don't go unconscious? You stay awake to the full magnificence of life. You have to do that for yourself first. Then you can guide other people. And then you have to do it with people in your real life first before you can do it with people on the internet. This is the future. I think people want to feel this way.
This is how you grow your own gravity. This is how you have a gravitational pull for your people, the people that want to work with you. A lot of my clients will ask me, how do you get clients out of nowhere? You say you don't even sell. And it's like, this is how. I still have ways to go. I know I have a long career ahead of me. But I have fine-tuned my presence so that people who feel me in my presence really feel seen, that I tend to my work. And it starts with myself.
And it starts with my kids. And it starts with Wesley. And then it emanates out. And so you can't fake it. You can't hack it. There's not a hack. It's like a dedicated practice, just like yoga, just like meditation, just like writing. So I think finding one of these, for me, it's writing. I find writing to be a practice in presence. Yoga could be that. Walking could be that. Exercise could be that. But just find something where you can practice presence.
And then give that gift to the people that you love, that you do life with. And then it will make so much more sense when you give it to the internet at large, in that order. So I want to share that with you. Work on your own gravity as a creator. Work on your own presence. And let the pull work for you so that people who resonate can come to you. And the end of the quote, right?
Or they're going to run 100 miles in the opposite direction. And that's okay. They just don't want to meet you in that space. And that's okay. You want to meet people who want to meet you. You want to talk with people who want to meet you there, who feel it, who resonate. So that's my invitation to you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being part of this podcast. As always, I appreciate you all. Talk to you soon. Bye.