You guys, today's a really special episode. I'm sharing an interview I did with my one on one coach and mentor, Amber Lilyestrom. And as you guys know, if you've been listening to this podcast for a long time, like I don't share a ton about my mentors through the years, because I really value your trust a lot. And so I'm very discerning about who I share and what information, even like the books that I recommend.
I only want to share what is for your highest good. And I know Amber will be that for you. And I'm really excited. I joke that we were like Amber squared. We have a lot in common. You know, we have our differences too. But of course, the dimension that she brings to the conversation is so useful. I've worked with her for almost a year. And she's incredible. You're going to feel and see that and hear that on the podcast today. She's a poet. She's a business coach.
She's an author. She's a mama. I'll make sure everything that she does is linked You can connect with her too. But I wanted to read one of her poems before I share our interview. It's from her book, Little Big Beautiful Things, which is amazing. And this poem is one of my favorites. It's called Kajillionaire.
My 80 year old self sits by the window with a cat I do not know yet in her lap. She looks at the same trees I danced around with my children when they were small, the same trees that have grown and dropped 1 million leaves since. She sips from the mug her best friend gave her, the one with the ridges and the faded red and orange paint.
She covers herself in the blanket her son gave her on her 44th birthday, softer now than the day his three year old hands proudly unwrapped it for her. Isn't it a wonder that the most valuable things we own don't land on a spreadsheet? Isn't it a magical thing to know that our days are plated in gold? The moment we awaken to this enduring truth, we become instantly richer than we've ever known. Want to be a kajillionaire? Look around.
Take in your limitless inheritance, your life, your breath, your bones. You already are. Isn't that so beautiful? I feel like one of the things that really resonates with me, obviously, I teach a concept called quiet wealth. And when I found Amber, I was like, she lives quiet wealth. And so I knew she'd be my person, my mentor for what I'm doing in business. And so so much of my growth this last year has been because of the work that I've done with her.
And so I'm really excited to share her with you. And I don't take that lightly, because I'm careful about our relationship, you and me, the listeners, right? And so to bring in someone that like, I'm basically vouching for, because this is who I do work with. It's a big deal. So I'm really excited to introduce her to you.
So you can hear our conversation about Money Codes, which is her framework about money, more of her story and her philosophy and the way that she sees the world and the way that she sees money in business. It's very inspiring to me personally. So I trust it will be for you, too. So without further ado, here's my interview with Amber Lilyestrom.
Amber Smith: Hi.
Amber Lilyestrom: Hi.
Amber Smith: Thanks for coming on.
Amber Lilyestrom: Of course.
Amber Smith: We talk all the time, so it'll be kind of easy. But what do you want to say about yourself before I ask you my first question that's going to be really spicy?
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, my God, I can't wait. What do I want to say about myself? I mean, I think it's important to say that, you know, I'm a poet before everything. So like, yeah, I'm a business mentor and I'm a mom and a wife and all these things. But like my soul, I mean, my life's work gene key is 64, which is the enlightened poet.
Amber: Smith: The enlightened poet.
Amber Lilyestrom: I know. I'm like, that's very aspirational. Thank you, Richard. But that is my number one primary gene key. So take that with a grain, guys. As we tread into these waters, there's going to be some depth here today.
Amber Smith: Yeah, because it's how you see the world, too.
Amber Lilyestrom: It's my lens. Yeah.
Amber Smith: Yeah. So then the question that I've been like contemplating for you, because as a human, I've been thinking about this conversation not just as a coach or a mentor or a writer or even a mom, but as a human, of all the things that you could teach and do because you have high capacity, why business coaching?
Amber Lilyestrom: Because I believe that the entrepreneurs, the business people who've chosen to go create their own things in the world are a different bunch. I think that we have chosen to create our businesses as a result of and an answer to difficult things that we have lived through and survived through on a really multidimensional level. And we just basically decided like no more of that.
And so we're choosing sovereignty, which I think is really important for humanity. And we are creating things that help people return to themselves. When I look at the types of people that you coach and people that I coach, everybody's business is doing that in some way, shape or form. It's like advancing consciousness.
And so I think entrepreneurs are on the leading edge of that because they're breaking out of systems and structures and questioning things because you have to in order to be successful as an entrepreneur. Obviously, in this capitalistic society that we live in, the paradigm that we're in at the moment, we need to make money.
And so it's like, okay, let me show you how to do that, because it's also really important that you can provide provision to your family and to the world at large and like be part of that whole system. And so I think business to me is an art form. And I love meeting people at the edge of that art and then helping them really expand into the fullness of it and the expression of what it can do.
Amber Smith: So well said. A follow up question is, do you think people, before they step into entrepreneurship, have gone through like an initiation?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah, always.
Amber Smith: What was yours?
Amber Lilyestrom: Mine was, I mean, I could easily say, oh, my daughter's birth and I had a near-death experience. And that was definitely true. But that was more of like the Mack truck hitting me. I think that, you know, you have like a feather and like a two by four that comes before that.
And I think that the feather for me was like, I don't get to be the full version of myself here. I had seen other people in entrepreneurial places and spaces. I did fitness competitions in my 20s. Really just because I had an eating disorder and I was looking for a place to like do that healthily. It's like a weird way to say it, but I mean, it's just, you know me, I only speak the truth.
Amber Smith: Yeah. Well, and you're looking back with a lot of experience.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. And I was a soccer player in college and I was like, needed a place to put that level of athleticism and that level of like needing to exercise like that. And that was really what my experience of it was like. I was an under eater and an overexerciser. And that was like my life equation that I lived.
But anyway, in that field, when I was there with my coaches and the different women, I met all these incredible entrepreneurial women who had built these incredible businesses. And I was like, wait a minute, there's a different model of reality than the one that I'm running. And I remember just thinking to myself for my whole life, if I go all the way back to like my childhood and seeing my parents struggle so much with money and struggle so much with their work and the demands that their jobs had on them that took them away from us.
And then like they weren't there. And that was really painful as a child, because all I want to do is be with my parents. And then like the answer would be like, well, I have to work. You know, I have to go to work. I have to go to work. And so it's like caused me a great deal of pain as a kid. And I was always calculating from a super young age, like, hmm, there has to be a different way. You know, I'd be like paying attention to models, which would mean in this case, like my teammates, parents, like this teacher doesn't seem like they're very happy.
And they come here every day and they've been here for a thousand years. Like that's not a good paradigm. So I'd just be like paying attention to people. And I'd look for the people that looked like they were happy and like doing well in life. And I would just be very, very observant, noticing my neighbors. What is her work? Their car's there all the time. They don't seem to leave home very much. What are they doing? Like I was just always paying attention.
So I think the feathers were just like all of those moments of coming home off the bus, not having much space in my world for whatever my needs or my emotional reality was, like my parents couldn't tune to that. And that caused pain. And so then you get into your own career path. And I'm working this job, which I worked in collegiate athletics. I was the director of marketing and it was a really cool job. It was like very entrepreneurial in nature.
Got my master's for free when I was there, like amazing. And I was working nights and weekends and it was a grind. It wasn't sustainable. Then I had my daughter. I did have a near-death experience when she was born, which is really just a huge awakening. And then this recognition of like, there's no way, like there's no way I can go back and work this job. My consciousness has changed. Like I just see life from a completely different lens now.
Like I can't fit back into that box. And so that was when I really had to get my shit together and cross over a lot of thresholds and a lot of internal, you know, I mean, it's thresholds, but it really felt like these gigantic, like mountain ranges, you know, that I had to traverse to like upgrade my identity and then change how I understood money and face all those fears up front and like walk away from my 401k and my health insurance that I'd worked so hard to earn and all these things, right?
And then go from being, which I remember a coach said to me early on, you're going to go from being a somebody to a nobody. I remember the moment I took the name off the door and I put it in the box. I'd worked 10 years to get that title. And I was putting in a box to go be this entrepreneur. And at first I told all my coworkers, I remember just saying like, I'm going to go be a mom and like, I'm going to have my business. But I was downplaying it so hard.
Like I knew what my vision was. I was like, I'm building a seven figure business. But I was like, no way can I say this here. And so I was like, yeah. And they were just like, we can't believe you're leaving. Like you are it in this department. And I said, you know, I don't get this back. I don't get replays on first steps and first words and I can't miss it. So I'm going to go live in integrity with myself, but also watch me because I'm going to go do the thing.
Amber Smith: Do you feel like those are the biggest thresholds of your business journey or do you feel like you've crossed other big ones?
Amber Lilyestrom: I mean, that was surely probably the biggest one, the like actually cannonballing into the waters of entrepreneurship. I think one of the next ones that was a little seems really funny when I look back on it now, but it felt huge. I was calling myself the brand love coach. It's funny because I was one of the first brand coaches that existed. I was the number one on Google in 2014, 15. I was big on Google and nobody knew what it was.
What's a brand coach? You know, and I had this whole spiel of explaining what a brand coach was, what personal branding was. I remember we had my first photo shoot and I remember feeling like at a certain point, probably two months in to now being out of my job, in my business, working with clients, but also bootstrapping and trying to figure out how to grow this thing and posting in Facebook groups and just doing it, putting in the work.
I had a strong sense of I really just want to be Amber Lilyestrom. I don't want to front as the brand love coach, but I had set that up because in my job, there's a little bit of a behind the scenes overlap happening. And so I kind of needed to keep a super low profile, but even bigger in me, that threshold was like, who does she think she is to like claim her name, to be AmberLilyestrom.com. There was a big threshold for me to cross in putting my face on the screen and saying what I thought out loud as a sovereign being and independent.
Amber Smith: Which is so, obviously I didn’t know you at this point. It's just like so funny that that existed at one point. Because now it's just so easy and effortless for you.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah, it really is. But it was significant. And, you know, I worked in an organization where you got to represent the organization. So anybody who has been in a job like that, you get it. And so, yeah, I remember this one day I was saying to my coach, I just want to be Amber Lilyestrom. And she was like, well, then just do it. I remember I redid my Squarespace website and like, I said to her, I already did it, but I just haven't published it.
She's like, well, go do it. And I did it. And I was like, I'm Amber Lilyestrom. It was so funny because it's just like, of course you were. That's your name. What else can you be? I feel like the most authentic thing that I could offer, which has always been the ethos for me. It's like, what is the most real thing that I can present to the world and give to the world, the most authentic part of myself? And yet it did feel really challenging at the time.
And I think part of it is because you're living in these worlds where people are programmed a particular way and that's their version of reality. And I had had an edit to my version of reality. And so then it was causing conflict because I didn't think it had to be like this anymore. So it was almost impossible for me to exist in that environment once I had gone through that transformation.
Amber Smith: So good. When did you feel like you crossed thresholds for money work?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. So I can remember exactly when it happened. So 2017, I had this moment of just the crushing weight of the money stress that I had been carrying for my whole life. But obviously in entrepreneurship, it sort of dials up at another level.
Amber Smith: Did you hold money stuff for your parents?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah.
Amber Smith: Okay. So you were like observing your parents financially?
Amber Lilyestrom: Money is hard. Money doesn't grow on trees. Basically just like we have to suffer and that is life. And yet I had this fundamental idea that maybe it didn't have to be that way. It was more of a curiosity than a knowing, though, of course, because I hadn't really proven it to myself yet, you know?
Amber Smith: Holding on the thread, like where else could we go?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. And I just kept that open. You know, the skylight was open for that. And so remember, I joined a mastermind. I was in this mastermind with all these people like you know and love from this internet world and space we're in. In 2017, it was kind of like OG vibes. And I remember writing the check and handing it to Lewis when I walked through Lewis' house mastermind. I walked in the door and handed it to him.
And it was such a big deal for me to write that check because I had never done anything like that before. And I remember just being there and feeling like this little hobbit from New Hampshire going over to Santa Monica for the first time on like this big trip on the other side of the country. And I'm like, wow, you know, my gosh, look, there's Jenna Kutcher and so-and-so and all these people. I'm just sitting in the room with them like as a peer.
And I realized like towards the end of that year that I was still really gripped and stuck in this money thing. And I realized that there were other people that were having a different experience of money. Again, yeah, there are other people having a different experience. So I doubled down and I just started studying. And I had been studying like every single book I could possibly read about money mindset, about wealth consciousness and all this.
And I decided I was just going to write it all down. And at a certain point, I realized like I had a big transformation through that work, a concentrated work in a transformation. And that year, I'd gone from the year prior, I think my business did $230,000 to over half a million in that next year. And it was just wild. And so I thought, I want to share this with people. I want to share what I've learned, because not everybody's going to go and read all these books. And this will help me as an exercise to like put this all down.
And what I realized was it had nothing to do with dollars and cents, like amount of money. But it was all in my psyche. It was all in my stories. It was all, as I call in my book, Your Money Memory Lane, and the ways I'd been programmed and wired to think about money. And so I wrote this book, Master Your Money Mind. And I published in, I don't even know, it was just this little like papery thing that I had done at like a printer nearby.
And it was just the skinniest little tiny, tiny book, a little white cover and a logo on it that I was able to make myself. And I sent it off and I gave it to my community. I hosted an event in 2018 called the Ignite Your Soul Summit. It was the second one. We had 200 people in the room. And I surprised them at the end of the event and had my team hand it out to everybody in the audience. They were all like losing their minds. And I was so proud. I was like, I wrote a book.
And they're like, what? Like, yeah, here you go. Surprise. And that book, I republished it in 2020. People still like talk about it all the time. So you can get it on Amazon. I have a free audio book that you guys can check out, too. Only though, if you leave Amber a review. So I'll give her the code for it and she'll give it to you. But you guys have to leave a review on her podcast in order to get the link.
Amber Smith: Deal.
Amber Lilyestrom: Deal. So, yeah, I wrote this book and it was just sort of a moment of claiming, you know, like, I'm going to teach on this. I need to talk about this because I was suffering so much from it. And so many people in my world were suffering so much from it. The question I asked myself, and this might be really helpful for anybody listening to this.
Your answer might not be money. It might be something else. But the question was, what is the one thing in my life that if I were to heal it, alchemize it, clear the way that it feels right now, my life would completely change? And it was like, money. Okay, that was my instruction. So that's when I doubled down and did all that work and then wrote the book. And of course, like all my problems were gone. And now I'm, you know, a kajillionaire.
Amber Smith: You are a kajillionaire.
Amber Lilyestrom: I am a kajillionaire for sure.
Amber Smith: I’m going to read that in the intro. You don't know that, but…
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, you did.
Amber Smith: Well, I'm going to. I haven't recorded it yet, but by the time they're listening to this, they will already heard Kajillionaire.
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, I'm so happy. I mean, I am a kajillionaire. Yes, I am. But I've steadily committed myself to working on it. And, you know, as of late, have developed this new process called the money codes. And it's been wild. You know, the correlation of really, really helping people look at their safety security patterns and how that's programmed in their hard drive and how it's directly correlated to their safety security patterns in their business.
And I just got off three coaching calls this morning and I ran it with three clients and every single one of them was just like, whoa, you know, I did not see that. And it's just felt exciting to me to help people get free. I mean, that's it. And once we have an expanded awareness of something, we can actually do something with it. We can activate it. It doesn't mean once you know it, it's just like fixed, but you can't unknow it.
And so then it's like, okay, well, what is my repatterning work to do here now? And since I discovered the money codes and since I've been activating the money codes, I felt like I've been completely lit on fire over here. I just feel like I know what reality is now in a way that is so far beyond anything that I've ever been able to like own. It's not that I didn't know it, but I'm owning it.
Amber Smith: Yeah. Because what would you say? Okay, master your money mind was money codes, like small awareness version. How would you have explained it back then? Because this is good because most of the people who listen to my podcast, they're not new to money mindset.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. Yeah.
Amber Smith: I feel like where you're about to go is going to be so good. But where was it? Master Your Money Mind.
Amber Lilyestrom: Master Your Money Mind was like, we're going to talk about this because most people don't even want to talk about money. Right. It's like the word is taboo. It's like it causes a shift in their nervous system, like their body has a reaction to it. And I think it was really about just bringing to their awareness that there's a story about money that they are running that perhaps has roots somewhere other than in their own system and self like it originated from somewhere else and you inherited it.
And then also it kind of like a baseline version of, hey, you know, your word is your wand type stuff, paying attention to that. I had a conversation with my daughter yesterday about the word expensive. One of her friends was saying something was so expensive and I was like, oh, yeah, why do we choose not to use that word?
And she just like verbatim was spits it back. And she's like, because expensive just means that it's not a priority, because if something is a high price point or whatever, I mean, it's all relative and it's just in relationship to what we think is important. I was like, yeah, yes.
Amber Smith: Good job. Yeah, that's right. I also think there's like a binary, at least in that phase. It was like it's abundance or scarcity. That's how people talk about money. But that's not how you talk about it in money codes. It's there, but it's like so much. I don't know.
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, yeah. We've graduated.
Amber Smith: We graduated. Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. It's sort of like not the point to me and money codes. It's really about the truth. And here's the truth. Every single person listening to this right now and every person that you meet has a set of programs in their personal operating system about every subject that there is money being one, of course. And their nervous system, their subconscious mind operates at the level of that program.
When their conscious mind has an idea of something more expansive than that program, it creates disharmony. It creates a discrepancy, if you will, and it creates conflict and it makes it nearly impossible to actually realize that vision. And, you know, I talk a lot about dreams. So this is the other piece. It's like it makes the dream itself, which is, guys, the business itself is a trigger to the system.
Amber Smith: Pause the tape and listen to that back.
Amber Lilyestrom: Okay? Because…
Amber Smith: It's true. And people don't know why they're suffering in business when they wanted it. They're like, but I want it. I feel like this is so good.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. So I want it, which also is an affirmation that you don't have it. So want is one of those tricky words because it's been posited as like you have to know what you want. And I would agree with that. But to me, the way that if the dream is in you, it's for you is the thing that I've been saying for a thousand years and get quoted on all the time. I don't think people even understand what I'm actually saying when I say it.
I don't think I even understood what I was saying when I first said it. If the dream is in you, it is for you. If the dream is in you, it is you. So therefore, there's nothing missing. The dream itself is the direction and exactly what you need to do next. The first thing you need to do, though, is pay attention to where that pattern, that program is holding you, because it's going to hold you back from actually going to the dream. That's its job. It's your safety security pattern. It's how you got to where you are right now. It's how you got love. It's how you got attention.
It's how you had a secure attachment or even not secure attachment, but some sort of attachment. Two of the three clients I was talking to today, their parents did not tell them that they were loved, and you think they're going to be able to dream into and go and make all this money. Honey, where did you get love from? Who did you have to be?
When we spend time really understanding our personal coding around this, which you have done in like radical and rapid fashion, the second we pinpointed that, it was like, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay, that's why I set my business up like that, and that's why I have a hard time when I'm trying to change what I'm doing or when I want to offer something different or I want to raise my prices or I want to whatever, put something out there to the world that somebody might have an opinion about.
And so what we realize is like your business growth has actually nothing to do with money. Money is just an effect. You are cause, but also some of the other effects are client transformations, cool invitations and opportunities. I mean, money is like on the same level of all those things. We just as humans have made it this thing, and it just isn't. It really just isn't.
And I think when you live the kajillionaire life, maybe that's what I call my new program, when you live that kajillionaire life, you understand the absolute magical equation of living your dream in every moment and understanding that you are the source through which everything comes. You are cause.
The frequency, the energy, the story that you're telling yourself that is creating your energetic signature inside of you is cause, like you're the magnet. And so you just kind of change your whole approach where everything is like money first, like let me double down on money. And it's sort of like, oh, that's cool. Money's cool. But money is actually an effect. It's a byproduct of my alignment. So now what? You know, now what do we do?
Amber Smith: Well, and every time you're like, I'm going to go make money, it's like you miss the whole thing, at least in what I've witnessed.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah, you like you skip over the whole thing because you just put your power in the wrong position. And I'm not that inspired by people who just want to go make money, to be completely honest.
Amber Smith: That's spicy.
Amber Lilyestrom: It's just so boring to me, honestly. It's just really boring. Like, oh, look, I want more money in all of your hands, every one of us that is here. Because if you're listening to this show, I know a lot of things about you already. One is that you really care about what you do. You care about your impact. You care about people. You are wanting to create a different reality for yourself and your loved ones. And you want to do good with your money.
Those are all factual statements about you. So, like, we already got that covered. You don't have to prove that you are that. And we've just been taught to do it the opposite way because we've lived a scarcity-lack-based paradigm that was based on survival. And so when you're still in that survival consciousness energy, you still actually are coming up in a little bit of a victim consciousness because you don't actually feel like you're the creator of your reality. That gets spicy, right?
Amber Smith: It is spicy.
Amber Lilyestrom: But every single person listening to this is a sovereign being who gets to decide what their next thought is and what their next move is, whatever the circumstances are.
Amber Smith: It's like that quote that we were talking about from Bruce Lipton. I'm going to butcher it, but it's like the moment that you're aware that you're responsible for your personal reality is the moment that you can create your personal reality. I feel like everyone listening to this probably has had that awareness. So then it's like, what are you going to do about it?
The thing to the money codes, you know, I was like having my own like moment with it. Because I've done a lot of money work, but it was like, no, like the patterns that I've worked through from my childhood are still here just because I know them just because I can like regurgitate them to you. And I have like a good awareness doesn't mean that they're not like playing out right now. They are playing out where like that's when the game just gets really interesting.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yes. And this is where the accountability system for the upgrading and the repatterning happens. So like certainly in our work, we've been doing that, you know, from day one, it's like addressing the pattern, but then like actively in the trenches, repatterning.
And it's been so cool to watch you do that, you know, have a front row seat to watch like what you're allowing into your sphere and how your programs and how your clients are benefiting as a result of the work that you're doing with this. It's so cool. It's so cool. And your family is benefiting from it. And they're getting freer and your clients are getting freer. And so it's like, guys, doubling down on this is only going to help you. Doubling down on this work is only going to expand your life.
Amber Smith: And those are life you touch.
Amber Lilyestrom: In every life you touch. And I will say there will be a point in a period where it feels confronting. But I want to tell you from the other side, because I really feel like I've traversed this going back to some of our earlier language. I remember early on after retiring Ben from his police career. Now we're both entrepreneurs and people are asking us left and right, like, what do you do all day? It's like so crazy. Like nobody asks that anymore.
But they used to be like, what do you guys like do? What do you mean you like retired from your jobs? How do you make money? Like they did not understand in any way. And I remember Ben and I used to get really triggered by that. We felt so like, oh, this is hard to answer. And I felt guilty. I felt guilty because I was so happy. I felt guilty because my business is doing like insane money that I had never in my lifetime experienced.
Just my family of origin or any of these things like I was thinking about this the other day, like any woman in my family. I mean, I'd probably say any man. I made more money. Yeah. And that's wild. Like self-generated income for my own thing that I built with my ideas. That was nothing before it. And so it was a weird position to be in because the story about money was like, A, we don't talk about it. B, like you just suffer with it.
What do you mean you're going to Florida and you're homeschooling your kids and you're buying an RV and you're just like doing whatever the F you want? That was hard. My system is like, because I felt like we kind of got cast out a little bit by like the inner circle of people because I wasn't signing. I wasn't cosigning on that line anymore of like, I'm just going to suffer. To me, I go, oh, there's a challenge?
Oh, there's something that feels really, really uncomfortable? Let me go walk on that fire. If there's something that feels important in that, I want to go understand it. I want to go be with that. I'm not going to sit here and be enslaved to this for my whole life. I'm not going to suffer from this my whole life. I refuse. Do you even believe like this is heaven on earth? We are alive. We are here. It is a gift to be alive.
It is profound to get to like wake up each day and go create something and love people and be loved. And literally, I mean, we're spending a whole month in Florida this year. We're leaving. We live in New Hampshire. So, you know, it's pretty cold right now. And we decided last year we went for two weeks. We've been going like for two weeks for the last few years. And I was like, why don't we just spend a whole month? Because this is for the birds, you know?
And so we're going to drive because we want to bring some of our cats with us and, you know, as one does. And so I'm like, we're going to drive our little minivan down and we're going to stop at all these places and see all these people we love the whole way down. We're seeing my best friend's house. We're staying at my sister's house.
We're going to stay and I'm going to get to be with my mentor and go and have dinner with her and some friends. I'm just like, this is so amazing. And then we get there. We see you. We're doing this retreat, you know, and my best friends are going to be like, literally my three best friends are coming to retreat with all of you guys and my family and my cats. It's like life is so cool. And you get to decide.
Amber Smith: Heaven on earth.
Amber Lilyestrom: You get to create it. And I know this now. I know this now, but I graduated from victim consciousness. And so this is a really important piece. This is going to trigger everyone, including us. Where are you still making yourself a victim in your business right now?
Amber Smith: Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: Are you doing it on Instagram because your reach is not larger? Are you doing it because only three people liked your post? Are you doing it because you're struggling to get clients? Are you making yourself a victim, getting into victim consciousness because you're not meeting your numbers? There's a huge opportunity in that.
And when you graduate beyond that and you decide I'm going to be radically, personally responsible for the decisions I make about my life and how I show up for my life and not dip back into victim consciousness because it's comfortable and familiar, you have to operate in a completely different realm of reality.
Amber Smith: And it's spicy. I heard Esther Hicks say this. Well, it was Abraham, but talking about Esther, because once you know this, when something good happens, you're like, I did that. And when something not great happens, you also say, I did that. And that's like a level of mastery that most people actually like. It's scary.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. I mean, when I have a funky client, I'm like, I did that. I created that. That's so cool. Just to remind me how free I actually am. Did I ever tell you the story that I was in the hot seat once, Abraham?
Amber: No.
Amber Lilyestrom: 2016.
Amber Smith: What?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. I mean, I'm an OG out here. It's so funny. I only raised my hand one time in the whole entire day. And they're like, you over there. And I remember just being like, why did I raise my hand? Like, it was like an unconscious thing. Like you there, you there. And these people are like, me, me. No, you there. And I'm like, oh, my God, me? And I remember I went up and I was like, I had been like crying. I mean, it's so funny. I went up there.
I caught a glimpse of myself on the camera, the screen. I was like, well, it just looked rough. And I just was so honest. And the first thing that came out of my mouth, I just still can't believe I said this, but I go, I don't feel safe. And Abraham goes, oh, because you don't trust yourself. And I went, yeah. It was so crazy because I'm like, can you imagine like this bedraggled looking woman comes up on stage? And the first thing out of her mouth is I don't feel safe.
And Abraham goes right to the heartbeat. It wasn't like, are you in danger or something happening to you because you don't trust yourself? And I was like, a hundred percent. And we talked and I share a little bit about my, you know, origin story. And I remember they were just very encouraging. It was like, it's all right. You're getting the hang of it. You're figuring it out.
Like, you know, that voice, right? Like you're getting it. And the more and more you do the thing that feels good, the more you're going to get it. And, you know, but it was huge. It was wild. When I got off stage, a whole bunch of people came up and they were like, thank you so much. I really needed that. And it was so cool. I remember just being like, what just happened?
Amber Smith: Tornado.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. It wasn't one that I like want to be out on the internet. You know, it was like,
Amber Smith: It was raw.
Amber Lilyestrom: I had found it at one point, but you know how it's kind of weird out there. I feel like they've started like taking things off of YouTube, but there used to be one and it had like a picture of like a baseball scene. I'll see if I can find it and send it to you.
Amber Smith: Yeah. It's interesting. I love hearing them coaching because they won't go with people into victim consciousness ever. And it's so good. It's hard and freeing. Maybe we could talk about this because I think there's some like magical thinking and I believe in like magic and miracles and stuff, but like magical thinking and that like, oh, like once I figure out my money mindset, I will get to a place that no problems and no suffering and everything will be amazing all the time. And I'll feel great every single day and my body will function a hundred percent of the time. One hundred percent of the time.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. Well, I mean, you chose to incarnate in this human experience in whatever way you believe you found your way to that. You choose to be here. Right. And so it's like we are physical beings. We are these like infinite beings in these skin suits, if you will. And if we step out in front of a car, we're going to be in trouble. You know, so like you have to pay attention to the part of being here in the physical, but also like, have you ever kissed your baby's cheek before or felt the rain on your skin or had an orgasm or eaten a tangerine?
All of those things. You guys all had sensory experiences like written on the page, written words that you've never said before, felt the sun on your face, the sand underneath your feet. Come on. You don't have that as a nonphysical being. And so we chose to come here and feel. And that part is like really awesome.
Amber Smith: But I think this is what your edge is right here, because I think sometimes for consciousness teachers, there's almost this like ascendance.
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, yeah.
Amber Smith: You know what I'm talking about.
Amber Lilyestrom: I do. I think it's so hilarious. I'm like, you're so cute. I mean, come on. Have you ever cried? Have you ever cried because someone you love died and you love them so much you can't imagine living in the world without them and felt the depth of that love? I mean, it is so exquisite to love like that. And here's the reality in the physical, we are not going to be here forever in this form. And so it is a rite of passage. I think it's a privilege to get to have that kind of feeling, to have that kind of love. Honestly, even pain. I mean, I'm like a weirdo with it all.
Amber Smith: But that's what I mean.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. Like I go into the echo chamber of pain and I feel it. But I'm a poet. So like this is what we have to do. We have to go to the bottom of the ocean and sit in the depths and watch the fish swim by and be like, damn, this is amazing. And then like fly all the way up into the sky and be up in the clouds and feel both.
Amber Smith: Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: And if you're not doing both of those things, then I'm not interested. I'm not interested. Like I am a person that can hang with you with anything, anything that happens. I'm here for the full human experience, even my own death. I am here fully for that, which I know is going to be quite euphoric because I already had a little rendezvous there. And I'm not afraid of it. I think that's the other thing. I am not afraid of dying. I'm not afraid.
I'm not even afraid of losing people that I love. I'm not. I don't want that to happen. I'm low key dreading that. And of course, in the inevitability of like my parents and all this. But I also get what an anointing, what an incredible gift to get to walk with people I love. Oh, it makes me cry. Like for that many years of my life, like tell me what's better than that. I will wait. I will wait.
How about going through the kind of hurt that you go through in a lifetime with somebody? For a lot of us, you guys can pick out that person, but you love them so much, it doesn't matter. And then like getting to see their humanity and realizing like they were literally doing the best they could and they were working with the trauma and the pain that they had gone through in life because like you're not the only victim.
You're not the only human on the planet who's ever had to go through hard things. They did too. And they had the grace and the ability to like help you get to here to the best of their ability. And they did a decent job. Like if you're listening to this, they did a decent job getting you to here.
Amber Smith: Because you're here.
Amber Lilyestrom: Because you're literally here having this conversation today. And so if you can't have the full appreciation for that whole entire thing, like don't come to me and just say, I only like the peonies second week in June when they're in full bloom.
Like what about when they're like dead in the fall and you're like, thank you so much for like giving everything you had for me this year. I'm not interested in that. I want the whole thing. I want the whole story. I want you at your worst. I want you at your best. I want you at the in between and the doldrums. I want you in the humor of small things. That's what I signed up for.
Amber Smith: But you never make yourself a victim of it.
Amber Lilyestrom: I used to. Yeah. But I don't now.
Amber Smith: I just think it's so rare. You're like life, hit me with everything.
Amber Lilyestrom: I mean, babe, I have lived some lifetimes, you know.
Amber Smith: I do know.
Amber Lilyestrom: There's some real, some real trauma. And I think I saw the whole thing at such a young age. I'm grateful for that because like my aperture was so wide at such a young age. And I didn't take that lightly. I realized early on, like there was a certain level of responsibility with that, too, of like, oh, I do see things differently. And I also felt this sense of like people are really suffering.
I mean, the bottom line is like I've been cautioned by therapists on this, like you shouldn't. You know, and I'm like, the reality is, is like if I believe my thesis is that if we do our work and we actually let ourselves feel what's real, we let ourselves alchemize through it. We feel it all the way through. We do the work. We take radical personal responsibility for our own journey. And that I don't think we're murdering people.
Amber Smith: Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: I don't think we're sexually abusing people. Maybe that's my Pollyanna. But I'm here to do my part in it. And I've just watched people suffer so much and then like hurt each other. And I'm like, you're not really free. If you are like inflicting things upon other people, that means you haven't dealt with your shit. And sure, they may be doing that back to you, but you can choose a different way. Really think that like at the root.
And I think humanity will change dramatically when people wake up to that and start taking responsibility. But, you know, it's one heart at a time, one person at a time. And I think those of us who've chosen to be entrepreneurs, we are having these leading edge conversations and we're choosing to do this. And I'm very, very passionate about helping entrepreneurs build their version of reality, build their world, because I think not only does it change them and their inner child, but it changes their kids.
Amber Smith: Oh, this is so good. I literally just read a line in Return to Love from Marianne Williamson who talks about we're all like the cells of the body, which is just funny because I've been studying you too, but cellular…
Amber Lilyestrom: Epigenetics and everything like that. But we are in the trenches together.
Amber Smith: What she talked about was like we are each a cell. And when we see it that way, I think it's like the awakening process is happening per person. So like the best thing that you can do for the world is this work.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. And it's like, where are you suffering? I want to know because that's what we need to look at. And so I've systematically been doing that with myself. And honestly, one of my biggest breakthrough shifts, clearings, healings, whatever you want to call it, in just the last two weeks has been, oh, the version of me that has been secretly, silently punishing myself for infertility and for not being able to conceive in my 30s and not choosing to do things sooner. And if it could have been different, it would have been different.
I did the very best that I could. And the reality is, is that we would not have adopted our son in the moment that we did had I not had all of those things happen exactly at the moment that they happened. It just timed the whole thing up for his birth in 2022, you know? And while I know that's true, there was still a part of me that was like punishing myself and also like a little bit of, I think, my business entrepreneurial self, like a little bit.
So I've really been looking at her and really looking at that and just realizing like you just don't have to carry that story in that pattern anymore. It's really painful, A. And B, look at your kids. Like, look at your babes. Like, they're doing so great, you know? And so it just sort of like reoriented me in a really cool way. And then it also released the tethers because there's like real victim consciousness in that story of the parts of me that were still feeling victim there. And then also on just sort of like how I look at reality now. Like, how do I define what reality is?
And I think like with that victim consciousness, with that story in place, it was like suffering. There's something wrong with me. There's something like fundamentally wrong with me and my body. And so then like trying to live that way when my body's like, actually, I'm doing pretty good. I'm doing pretty good. I'm perimonopausal, but like I'm kind of rocking, you know? And so could we just refocus ourselves a little bit here, you know? And I was able to release that just in the last like two weeks. I didn't know that was there in that way.
Amber Smith: And you did that work because of money codes? Like, is that why you went looking?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yes. So if I follow that road back, it was like, where do I still feel held back? And where do I still feel constricted? And it was in this direct correlation between growing our family again with adoption. I'm almost like choosing that because I want to make up for the part of me that couldn't. And then doing the conscious work to liberate that.
Amber Smith: Yes.
Amber Lilyestrom: So that I could actually be at choice in a free place, which has nothing to do with that. Does that make sense? And I also gave myself full permission to like not, not be complete and not adopt again. And so I've like walked with that for a few days. And then I was like, oh, I really feel it. You know, I really feel it. So it's just been really fun. And it's definitely had like seesaw vibes. But bottom line, I think this part's actually really important.
You know, sometimes I have this tendency. I feel like you can relate to this too, where I'm like, okay, now I gotta like do the whole thing. But no, I actually just need to like go renew my fingerprints for my adoption procedure like stuff. All those other things aren't due until other months. And I don't have to know that today. But that catalyst was like that came up and it was like, no, are we doing this? Are we not doing this? You know, and it just was so dramatic.
I'm like, that's such the old pattern. This doesn't have to be that complicated. And so this idea of just saying yes to the next thing is what unlocks the how and unlocks the next step. And then you can just take the next step. And I think my money code pattern is like everything's like drama. Like I get an envelope and I see the IRS on and I like have a panic attack. And I just got one actually the other day and they're like, you overpaid by $20,000. So like.
Amber Smith: It's like a good thing.
Amber Lilyestrom: It's like, is it an overpayment? Like, you don't owe anything. Actually, like we owe you money. So like, what do you want us to do with this?
Amber Smith: Money codes or coding? Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: Coding. I mean, they really are. And I didn't even have a reaction because I was like, we're doing what we're supposed to be doing. Like we're locked in. I was like, why are they sending a thing? I was like, it's skinny. That's good.
Amber Smith: Not a lot of paperwork in there.
Amber Lilyestrom: Whenever it's skinny, you know, it's a good one.
Amber Smith: So true. So funny. I feel like the people who are up for it, who are listening to this and like up for it, will hear what they need to hear. Because like there was a time where I was not ready for this, obviously, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. But there's a time when I wanted to run away from something.
Like I think what you just described is like moving towards something very consciously at choice. But a lot of people are running away from something and they don't even know it. This is important for a lot of you guys, including what you're in business like right now. Right. It's like a running away from and it's scary as crap to slow down and be like, what if I wasn't running away? What if I just faced it and went into the deep ocean and looked?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. And just like allowed it to meet me there. I mean, I'll just say this. I think that it's pretty inevitable that it's going to catch up to you at some point. So I'm more of the mind of like, Okay, rip the bandaid off. Let's do it. If it's showing up, it's time for me to look at this. But again, I can be a little bit like masochistic in that way.
I'm a former division one athlete, so I was literally trained to override pain, which has been helpful, but also not helpful in other moments in life, too, because I haven't known what normal thresholds for that are. And so I've had to learn that. That's been kind of a weird dance for me along the way. Yeah. But I don't know. I just don't want to live in the world of unnecessary suffering. And I think that money challenges and entrepreneurship is unnecessary suffering. And that's a bold statement.
Amber Smith: That is a very bold statement, because most people think that's part of the gig. Like you sign up for suffering because of money because you're an entrepreneur.
Amber Lilyestrom: Well, I also believe in creating a right size business model to fit the season of life that you're in so you can scale what is important to you. And so I just sit here. I'm a very, very logical, practical person, as you know. And I just think it just literally doesn't have to be this hard. It just does not have to be this hard. And if you have a dream that you want to do X, Y, Z, then let's work on the plan. It's literally that simple.
And sometimes we'll make the plan and then you'll go, I don't really feel like I want to do that right now. Like we did that with you at a certain point. And you were like, yeah, I don't know. That's not quite it. And then what happens is you can get to be at choice and then you get to double down and commit to what you really, really want. And I love that moment.
Amber Smith: Yeah. You did it on our first call. You're like, what do you want to work on? I was like, seven figures. And you're like, why? And I was like, no one's ever asked me why. Like, that's what I've been told to want.
Amber Lilyestrom: And I think seven figures is great. But I also just think for a lot of us, we don't really need to build a seven figure business to have an incredibly rich life and to have as much space and time and sovereignty that we really require. For me, you know, I want to have a small team. I have two people that have been with me for 10 years. Like, come on.
They're beloved people in my life. They do beautiful work. I adore them. They're dear friends. We do great work together. I mean, I don't know what more I could ask for in that realm. I love intimate work with clients. I think in this season, I'm getting a little bit of a tap of like, okay, baby Krone, it's time for you to like start teaching a little bit more. You know, and I have.
I've done the 500 person events, the large stages, the thousand people signing up for my challenges and whatnot. And I think in the last few years when Alex was really little, I mean, I just really put all my focus back on like being as available for my kids as I could possibly be and just kind of stepping away from that. But I feel like the money codes are like, actually, people really need this.
And I think that the root of what I've realized at the start of this year and of last year was and you heard me say this to the Elevate group. Oh, underneath it all, every single person that I work with, at least their biggest challenge in is money. And if you were to ask them, like, that's really what it comes back to.
And it comes back to their story about money and their relationship to money. And I hardly ever find a person who's like, I'm good. Money's cool. I don't care. It's super rare. And so my people struggle with money and they have a lot of coding around the topic of money that has nothing to do with what they're trying to do with their in their business, like in terms of what they're offering to people.
But it is directly correlating to why they can't grow in their business. And so that's the thing I'm just really, really vested in at this point is like, we have to unravel this because this is a you thing. This is a you pattern, but it is directly affecting your money and your business and your ability to be seen and to show up. So we have to get to this and we have to move it.
Amber Smith: Yeah, I know we're almost out of time. So like last question before we wrap, but who do you feel like you've had to become to lead money codes?
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, completely unattached to money.
Amber Smith: Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. I've had to become the version of me that does not fixate, that put the abacus away, that just stopped doing that and let money just be money.
Amber Smith: I mean, you have to look at it. So how do you look at it?
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. Yeah. I look at it as like an exchange system for the things that are important to me. It's like, oh yeah, I just like paid my credit card off yesterday. It was like a $10,000 bill. I was like, put it in. I was like, that's cool. That's so easy. Like, that's so cool.
Like, look, that money came in from client payments to do that, to pay for the retreat house, to pay for my team. That's what its job is. So just like let money do its job. And then I'm in my art and I'm in my expression and I'm teaching. And I'm like, again, going back to it, it's like a byproduct. It's an effect. So I have to let it be that.
Amber Smith: If money is the byproduct, like what's the thing that you do focus on?
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, connection and truth telling.
Amber Smith: Truth telling for sure. Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah, that's it. And then like the thing I think I struggle, if we're gonna use the word struggle, or like I'm tempering the balance on is, I mean, I would just like be with my family or like writing and reading books like 24 hours a day. Like one of those two, like that's what I'd be, or walking in the forest, you know, those are like my things I'd be doing all day.
And I also need to market, need to show up and like talk about things on a public stage because I can just, you know, you're the same way. I'll just disappear into the ether of a thing. And I need to like actually take it though and like put it out to give to people. So I'm really working on that right now of like, how do I have more of that translator show up to like offer this and be in relationship and conversation with my people? Because this is the Money Codes work that is not just for me.
Amber Smith: Yeah.
Amber Lilyestrom: And so, and not just for my private one to one clients that are like in our little secret rooms that we're having these conversations and like, I need to put it out into the world more. So that's what I'm pushing myself to. One of my other big things for the year that perhaps this will be fun for you. I did that 13 wishes tradition thing at the end of the year.
And honestly, guys, you can do it anytime. You don't have to like do it during the whole epiphany thing. But I wrote 13 strips of paper. I wrote like wishes. I love that. Like visions, dreams. And then every day for 12 days, I burned one. And then at the end, the one that was left was the one that was like my responsibility. And what I wrote on it is money is easy and money does everything that I need it to do and more. And then I wrote God is my marketing team, my accountant, my like, I was like, but it felt really important.
Like the marketing part, like God, spirit, the universe has got that. But my job in it is like I have to show up for it. Like I have to show up to like translate what's coming through and I have to create. And so that was so funny. Like of all the things that I wrote, that was the one that the universe got. I was like, this is yours. Like, okay. It was just like a wish I gave to myself that I like trusted more essentially.
Amber Smith: Yeah. Okay. Trust.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah. Like trust that this is how it works because it does.
Amber Smith: But it makes sense for you because we have this in common, too. Like I'm hypervigilant. I can do all the things you can do.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yeah.
Amber Smith: Like I’ll do it. Just tell me what to do. Like high capacity. Let's go. Generator energy. So it's like counterintuitive to be like, actually, I'm going to do less. I'm going to trust more.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yes. And I've discerned what my creative operating system looks like, which has been a really fun exercise. And I teach this in Homeward. Like, what's your creative operating system? How is that going to work in the year? I've never thought about it like that before. And it was really fun to do that.
And now I'm like, well, as long as I just do those things, which I receive my clarity for, and then I create those few things in the week. And then that's all I have to do. And then I just show up and coach my clients and I'm like, okay, cool. I agree with you. I have the hypervigilance that comes up and it's like, you should be doing more. You should be creative.
And it's like, no, actually, what I'm going to do is just like really drop in on the knowing that my body of work is always working for me and that my signal, my frequency, my energy is the most important thing that I can be tending and I can be putting out into the world. And I just trust that people are going to come because they always have at the perfect right timing. But I'm in agreement that I'm like showing up for that. That's my radical personal responsibility. And I'm taking that responsibility seriously and I'm doing it.
Amber Smith: Yeah. And you show up in an effortless way because of that. There's not like a trying. I feel like that's something that would be good for people to hear, too. There's not like this push, this force, this gotta make it happen. Gotta show up because I said I was going to.
Amber Lilyestrom: Oh, no. Yeah, I love that. I mean, fortunately, I've been doing this is my 12th year, you know, so I'm not new here. And I also worked in a highly entrepreneurial, you know, I had 100 events a year marketing job, sales job for a decade. So I've been doing this for 22 years of like production, creation, showing up for the thing, having to put the reps in and all that.
And it's like it always does work out. You've got to do your part, but then you've got to let the powers that be in the magic actually happen. And you have to trust that. And if you don't, you're just going to be really miserable in it and the experience of it.
Amber Smith: Yeah. And exhausted.
Amber Lilyestrom: Yep.
Amber Smith: So good. Is there anything you wish I asked you?
Amber Lilyestrom: No, I think you nailed it. That was so good.
Amber Smith: Okay. Tell the people where they can connect and all the amazing things because you have a lot of fun stuff happening.
Amber Lilyestrom: I do. I actually have a free masterclass on the 23rd, depending on when this is going live, of January called Money Codes. And we're going to do it. We're going to get into it and I'm going to help you connect to one of your money codes and bring that up to the surface. And so I'm excited to just offer that. And you can go to amberlilyestrom.com/codes to sign up for that. And then, yeah, I mean, I've got the Elevate Retreat coming up.
I've got the Homeward ongoing. We coach in there every week. I love what I do. It's just so great. It's just like ongoing. My model is really built for people to trust their own divine timing to show up for what they're ready for. And it's good stuff. So my podcast is called Homeward. My website's amberlilyestrom.com. I love Instagram. It's just my name over there. So I'd love to connect with you guys.
Amber Smith: I'll make sure all of that is in the show notes, too. Also, I have a testimony of Money Codes. It's so good. Money Codes are so good. I'm excited.
Amber Lilyestrom: You're definitely like the ace student of the Money Codes. It's been wild to see how quickly it's been.
Amber Smith: I was like ready for it because I've done a lot of money work. So it was like, oh.
Amber Lilyestrom: You were ready. It was like a moment and it's been wild to see what it's been doing for your world. My favorite message is to receive Money Codes are coding.
Amber Smith: Money Codes are coding. It's so true. Well, thank you for your time and your energy. I appreciate you always. Excited for people to get to know you through our conversation. You're the best.
Amber Lilyestrom: Thank you for having me. No, you are the best. And everybody that's listening to this, you are really intelligent, genius people to be connecting to Amber Smith because she's a legend and her heart is good as gold. And I know you all know that. And so just thank you all for supporting her on her journey, too.
Amber Smith: Thanks, Amber.
Amber Lilyestrom: You're welcome.
