CREATOR CREATE YOURSELF
Hello and welcome back to the podcast. I hope this evening, morning, afternoon, whoever, in whatever time you're listening to this is finding you well. I'm recording this in a very contemplative mood. I often am. So maybe that doesn't surprise you. Maybe you're also contemplating something deep and profound.
Today I'm talking about creating, and I've talked about creation before and I wanna take it deeper. I almost called this episode “what kind of coach do you want to be?” But that could be misleading and I actually want to title it something that is gonna catch your attention; so I'm titling this Creator, Create Yourself.
Because this isn't just about, you know, what kind of coach do you wanna be? This really is deciding who you want to be in the world. I think many of us, especially if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably a content creator. You create blogs or social media posts or podcasts. I think also if you're a coach, you're creating with your clients.
I see each session that I have with the client as like a creative process, almost like each session is a work of art in my own way. In fact, this podcast episode is highly, influenced and inspired by the book The Creative Act, A Way of Being by Rick Rubin. And I think it's one of those books I'm gonna keep coming back to, cuz it really moved me and expanded my mind and honestly led me to creating this podcast.
And so I'm excited to share with you my thoughts about what it means to create yourself. When I think of the word creating or even art, I think of people originally and maybe not now. When I was younger, I would think of it like someone painting a painting or making a drawing or sculpting a sculpture, right?
Like that was art. And then I was exposed to just different ideas, and particularly some of the coaches that I studied in my time as a coach and as a content creator and thought leader, I guess. When I study, I see that creating is so much bigger than just like what is traditionally thought of as artistic.
And I feel this when I'm coaching, right? Like this is my art and it's unique to me. My style of coaching is unique to me, just like your style of coaching is probably unique to you. And I think one of the most overlooked places that people can create is themselves. And in fact, another inspiration for this episode is a conversation I had with a client about her really deciding from an empowered, full of potential state, who she wants to be as a coach in the world. And I challenge my clients to think about that a lot, whether they're a coach or not. Who do you want to be in the world?
Because I think historically most people look to the past or they use words from their parents or their siblings or their grandparents or teachers or coaches like, athletic coaches about who they can be. And I really love Joe Dispenza’s work on this because he talks about if you go to the known to try to create something, you're just gonna keep creating more of the known.
And so if we look to our past, if we look to words that people described us as in our youth or in the past, we'll keep recreating what has always been created, including you. And we think we're explaining who we are, when we say I'm shy, I'm not creative, you know, I just have a hard time being consistent or whatever.
We think we're reporting something. And if you've studied self-help, you know, this is a falsehood that most of the world believes. I just tend to think very differently. Because I don't see who I am as fixed. I see myself as someone who is expanding all the time, and I get to choose. You guys know, I call this podcast The Conscious Coach because I believe in making conscious choices.
And I think one of the most overlooked things that people don't realize that they're choosing is who they are. And so this conversation is gonna be about choosing the kind of coach or entrepreneur you want to be, but also just, at the base level, who are you being is a creative question. Who do you want to be?
And so as I was considering this podcast, you know, some of the questions that came to me is about the kind of work you want to do. I asked myself this question the first time I read the book, The Prosperous Coach by Rich Lipman. I had someone show me a possibility that I didn't know was possible.
I had found my own little bubble of coaching on the internet, and I thought it had to look a certain way. And there's no right or wrong. I really want to offer that there's no right or wrong way to grow your coaching business. I happen to grow it a certain way, but I know other coaches that grow it very different, right.
And the examples that I'm thinking of is like people trying to grow a multi-million dollar corporation versus like a small word of mouth referral renewal, you know, basically with my network only. I happen to do more high ticket, high level, high-touch coaching, and I have clients who don't. They really resonate with making their coaching available to more people.
I know coaches who do memberships. I know coaches who have courses and programs and certifications. Like, I don't think there's a right or a wrong. I've shared my opinion and what works for me, and I just really wanted to say, this podcast is about you identifying who you want to be and what resonates for you.
And I think that word resonates is really important because like I said, when I read the book, the Prosperous Coach, it resonated in my soul. I was like, this is the kind of coach I want to be. I want to create it through relationships and conversations. And I use social media and content as a way to facilitate that, but I don't see it as predominantly content.
And I think that this is different than our world where people are trying to go viral or trying to have a big audience. Not that I don't care if I have a big audience. I do wanna reach the right people, but I don't think being popular has ever resonated with me or like well known. Now you guys know me and I love that, and I love the people that are in my circle, but I don't have this desire to be this huge presence.
If that happens, I'm not against it, it's just that's not what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to shine my light. There's a podcast that's gonna come out in the next few weeks about being a lighthouse, and I'm gonna be talking about being a lighthouse and what that means to me in my upcoming masterclass.
So if you haven't registered for The Abundant Coach, I highly recommend you do. You can check it out either on my social media or I'm gonna link it in this episode again. It’s coming up on June 26th.
Anyway, to me, that was a very intentional, conscious choice to become this kind of coach, and I like I said, I didn't know it was possible, but once I knew it was possible, I realized this phenomenon that there's things that I don't know are available to me, but that are available to me.
That's potentiality. There's things that I don't know, I don't know. And so this is why I think having a relationship with desire is so important. In fact, I saw this quote on social media from Brianna Weist, she says:
“You cannot desire what you do not already contain. Desire is a projection outward that is proportionate to potential inward. There are so many possibilities within this world, so many things to hope for and to aspire to. There are so very many things one could want, and yet it is a very specific vision that awakens you on the inside. There are very few things that excite you in a way that makes you nearly uncomfortable with your wanting of them.
Desire is so integral to who you are. It is part of you, even if you are not conscious of it, even when your ego chooses to shield you from your awareness of it. What you are waiting on is your own willingness to accept the mountain you must climb in order to pull those desires out of the deepest parts of you and create them in the world you already inhabit.”
I read that quote and I was like, wow, this resonates with my soul. And I think that what she articulated is something that I try to do with my clients, which is extract the deepest desires. Sometimes the desires we have aren't articulated because they don't think they're possible.
So for example, I grew up thinking I was gonna be this therapist, but who I imagined working with was like, I was like this, not secret, but private. I did high level work, kind of anonymous. The people who did work with me, their lives were changed, but it was almost like, not like a secret weapon, but like I wanted to be this trusted advisor.
That's how I see it, like trusted advisor. We talk about things that you can't talk to anyone else. I coach you, I'm there for you. But other people might not totally understand it, and that's okay. I always thought that's the kind of therapist I was gonna be.
And then I left my therapy training school, I had a baby, I was introduced to life coaching, and then what was shown to me that was possible was a different kind of coaching. There's nothing wrong with this, but more just life coaching and maybe specific niches, right? Like a life coach for stay at home moms who want to, you know, lose 20 pounds and have a thriving family life.
Life coaches for people struggling with infidelity. And there's nothing wrong with that, but for me and my picture, my vision of what I wanted to be, that's not necessarily what resonated.
I was like, I wanted a coach on everything. I want to be the deep coach for the person that I'm talking to because I see humans as complex, I see humans as totally unique. Their insight, their perspective, what they want, what they've struggled with, their past, their desires, their relationships, the way they see the world is totally unique, like a fingerprint to the person. Now, the personal is universal, and I believe that, but in a coaching session, I really want to go deep with this person.
And so I kind of like put that on the shelf. I didn't really see a way I could do that, just because what was taught to me was mostly online marketing, right, with a niche and a clear outcome. And like I said, that's not bad. It just wasn't for me. And so to bring it back to the conversation we're having about choosing who you want to be in the world, sometimes you have to go into the depths of your own soul.
And I would argue most of the time. Instead of going to the internet, instead of scrolling on Instagram, like I did, seeing okay what are other people doing or what's realistic for me? That's a huge thought error. What's realistic for me? I started going inside. I started tapping into my vision that was in my mind, not something in the world. And I discovered my true desires, the things that I actually wanted to bring out into the world, the things I actually wanted to live out in my business, in my personal life.
And I have this saying with my clients, like to keep your blinders on because it can be so easy to get distracted with what other people are doing, you forget what you deeply want to do, what actually matters to you. I remember I had a coaching session a few months ago now in The Miracle Mind and one of my amazing clients was like, I realize like I don't wanna be a high ticket coach.
And it was such a beautiful realization for her. She wanted to make coaching available and accessible to lots of people. And so that was gonna help her make powerful decisions about her next steps forward, and how she priced and who she spoke to, and what kinds of programs she ran, or what kind of one on one offer she had.
And the clarity that came when she just owned what she deeply wanted, it was like the path became illuminated. I think the problem is most people are looking outside of themselves to create who they want to be in the world. They look outside of themselves to see what's available. Instead of asking who do I really want to be? What do I really want to do? And then trusting that the path will come. We want to see the paths that other people have already taken because it feels safer, because it feels more certain. Because I think, as humans we want to be right, or we want to be safe, and that's totally normal. Except when you choose to be an entrepreneur, there's no rules. There's infinite numbers of paths. And there's not really a right or wrong progression.
There's your individual, specific to you, beautiful you, expansion and progression. And so this is why it's so important to keep your blinders on because your path might look very different than your peers, your friends, your mentors.
And so for me, part of this has been a refining process, almost like pruning. I think of it like pruning back the things that I thought I wanted, holding it in my hand, looking at it, almost like holding it like a stone and evaluating it. Is this what I want? Is this truly something that resonates with me? And then having the courage to put it down if it doesn't.
And I think in a world of more, more, more, bigger, bigger, bigger, not everyone actually wants that. Some people do. Some of my clients are entrepreneurs and they have really big visions. Bigger than most people will ever achieve in their lifetime. And so when that's a true desire, my job is to pull that out, hold it up, and believe in it.
When I identify that, that true desire. I've heard this used like your compass and the North Star, right? Like when you identify something, a vision that's your true North Star, and sometimes that's big, you have to do the belief work to buoy that up, and to continue to take the action, and trust the timing, get support, right?
It's different than someone who wants something else. And this is why I like to differentiate between mentorship and coaching. I really feel like I can coach anyone and I do, but who I mentor are people who wanna build a business like me. But I coach entrepreneurs who have a very different business than me.
And that's great because I see coaching and mentorship as different. And this is important for you to evaluate who you're gonna have support you on your path. I think I've hired both mentors and coaches, depending on my phase of life. Mentors have taught me, you know, here's how I got to point B.
Here's how I think you should get to point B. Coaches ask harder questions, which is like, what do you really want? Does that resonate with you? Is that true for you? How does this feel to you? Is this the path you like? Is this the belief you want to keep? Which are just different conversations. Both have been valuable to me.
I think the mistake that I've made is not going inside, asking myself these hard questions. And here's some of the questions that I wanna prompt you with. What kind of work matters to you? What kinds of clients light you up? What do you never get tired of learning about or talking about? If all things are possible and available, what would you love?
How does your evolution as a coach apply to the path that you are on now? If no one knew about this, and I love this kind of frame of thinking. If no one knew about your success or your failure, if it wasn't public on social media or your friends never found out about it, what would you choose? If it was like private, and another way of thinking about this, if I was the last person on earth, would I still choose this?
And that's an interesting game to play with yourself because I think sometimes we get caught up in the status games and the comparison game, but I really believe that entrepreneurship is like a spiritual experience, or at least a spiritual journey of self and uncovering who you really are, what you really want, how you really create, and how powerful you are.
And what's interesting about this is that your end game does not have to be your mentor's end game. The person that you admire, doesn't mean that you want to create what they're creating. Maybe, I'm not saying it's not, but I think you have to do the internal work to discover for yourself what I really want, who I really want to be.
After you've identified that, then we can get to work on the beliefs that support that. If I want to be a high ticket coach for executives, and I only work with five clients a year, and I charge 100k, that's not me, but it is getting close to one of my clients. She has to do the work to believe she is that kind of person, and then she has to create herself that way every single day. The language she chooses, the way she presents herself to peers, or to friends, or to family, or to strangers, is gonna be dictated by how she creates herself in her own mind. And then she has to continue to create it over and over and over again until it is her reality.
What I love about doing this work is that this is gonna look so different for all of you. And I think that this is why it's an inner game, because if you try to create something that doesn't actually resonate, you're gonna quit it or you're gonna be frustrated by it and give up. Versus really identifying something that matters to you. No matter how big or small, if it's meaningful to you, it is worthy.
And now you get to work on creating yourself to be that person. Be, do, have, right? I think the first step is to creating yourself in that equation. Not just the actions, not just the vision, but who you are. And so if you speak to yourself in negative ways, you might not recognize it, but you're creating yourself in that moment. And I think the mistake would be to, like I talked about in the beginning of this podcast, using your past as evidence of what's possible in the future. Especially I see this transition for coaches who love coaching and transition into maybe they've been coached themselves and now they want to coach.
Maybe they experienced a huge breakthrough with their own coach and now they're like, I want to do this for other people. And they're looking to their past saying, I've never coached before. I haven't done this. I'm not good at this. And what I ask them to do is to go inside, go within and find what's a potentiality for them they can believe in, and then speak it into existence regardless of the past.
That's another question I'd like to ask, who do you want to be regardless of your history? It's a present moment creation, and I do this often. I think it's one of those unconscious things that I don't realize that I'm doing, but in a podcast like this or in a coaching session, I realize it's something that I can offer.
I'm always creating myself. And I'm speaking things into existence. I remember the first time I started charging a lot more money than I was comfortable with, but I knew that's who I wanted to be. It was uncomfortable. It was a stretch, but I kept speaking it. I kept sharing it with clients and I started getting yeses and I started speaking the next level of client that I wanted to work with.
And then they became yeses. And I've done this process over and over again, but it starts with creating myself. And knowing what I really want. Then I do the belief work where I get to choose thoughts that align with where I want to go and who I want to be. So I think if I had to order the steps for you, if that resonates, like step one.
I actually really love this. I read a book called Relentless by Tim Grover. And he's like, I don't number things 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, because then some people think number five is less important than number one. So he labels his old list as number one, number one, number one. So if I had to, I guess, share the steps, number one would be know what you want, and do that work to find that out. Right? Go inside, don't go outside. Now you can use your external environment to give you ideas, to prompt you, to cue things, but not as like a what's possible. It's more like if all things are possible, what would I love? That's number one. Number one, to use Tim Grover's, like this is number two, but he calls it number one.
It's so funny cuz it's equally important. Who do I have to be to make that vision a reality? Who do I want to be? And then number three, number one, what do I need to believe and what do I need to do to achieve it? And you could even separate those out. #3A, #3B. #3A would be, what do I need to believe in order to create this? #3B, what do I need to do? Most people jump into #3B, right?
What do I need to do to create this? And I want to go way deeper, way deeper. What do I really, really want regardless of circumstances, regardless of my history? If all things are possible, what would I love? Number two, who do I need to be to make that happen? Then what do I need to believe and what do I need to do?
Very different than most of the world. I think a lot of people jump into 3B where they're like, this is what I'm gonna do, and they power through. I've never powered through like I've been uncomfortable for sure, but when I think of powering through, it feels like hustley, like I'm doing things against my own will. I'm doing things at the expense of my values. I'm doing things at the expense of my time and my loved ones, and that has never resonated with me. I think sometimes you have to take uncomfortable action, but not at the expense of the things that matter most. And I think that is the hill I will die on, is you don't have to sacrifice your family for a future fortune.
You don't have to sacrifice relationships for clients, you don't have to sacrifice your relationship with your family, for clients. You don't have to sacrifice your health or wellbeing for finances. I really believe this. Because once you know how you want to be in the world and how to live your values, you make different decisions.
And we could go into this hardcore, but like what you're willing to do to sign a client and what you're not willing to do. What you're willing to say about your work together and what you're not willing to say. How often you're willing to work, and how much you spend time alone or with your family or doing other things. You start to create a life because you created yourself.
And I think that's the secret. And most people don't actually do this work. They kind of stumble into their identity instead of consciously choosing it. My hope for you is that you consciously choose the kind of coach you wanna be, the kind of person you want to be, the kind of giver you want to be, the kind of home, you know, mother, sister, friend, partner, whatever roles you play in your life, that you make that choice consciously every day.
Your history does not have to continue, unless you want it to, that's up to you. You get to choose what parts of you you bring into this day and the next, and I just hope you make it a conscious choice. You get to choose. So creator, create yourself. That's the message. All right, you guys, thanks for being listeners of the podcast.
I mentioned this earlier, if you're not registered for The Abundant Coach Masterclass, please register using the link in the show notes and I would love to see you there. We're kicking off in a few weeks and it's gonna be really fun. It's gonna be good. I'm divulging all the secrets that I have of building a word of mouth coaching business.
So I hope to see you there. Thank you for listening, and I'll see you in another episode. Bye.
