Welcome back to the podcast. Today we're talking about one of my favorite books and truly one of the books that has made the biggest difference in how I think and how I be in the world, in my life, and in my business. And it's the book that's called “Power versus Force” by David Hawkins.
And he's a doctor and a PhD. And this book is very, I would say academic, but the concept that this book teaches truly changed how I do business and how I do relationships and how I think about myself and God and money and love and happiness. It sounds like a really big promise, but it really is an incredible concept.
And so we're going to talk about a lot of what I've learned from the book, because I think when you figure out the difference between power and force, you're going to choose power. And power being not the traditional thought of power. So I use the word power a lot.
And I really learned what that means to me, which is not coercion or force over other people and anyway, we're gonna get into it. But I wanted to paint the picture and kind of share where I got it. I read this years ago and truly it changed my life. And so I want to talk about some of the distinctions that he goes over in his book related to power versus force, and I'm going to talk about how it applies to your business because I don't want to just be conceptual, I want this to be real for you.
And so as I'm talking through, I'm going to share 10 distinctions today. As I talk about each one, try it on, like that's my encouragement for you is like even just trying it on for you and how it feels, how each word, how each distinction feels for you. We'll paint the picture bigger than I can and make it more real, right?
I mean, I'm just a talking voice and I'm glad you're here, but what's really going to change your life is when you try these ideas on. And so to dive into his work, David Hawkins created something called the map of consciousness. And I've referenced this before in my programs, I've talked about it on the podcast before, and that is the idea that there are levels of being or consciousness or thoughts or feelings, we're going to talk about why I said all of those things that are ranked basically as weak or strong things that get you closer to God, to deity, to being like God and things that keep you struggling, keeping you weak, keeping you more human, right?
Like the not great parts about humanity. And so I actually have the map pulled up in front of me. And so at the top it would be like the level would be enlightenment, which is like pure consciousness, pure God. And then we go down: peace, joy, love. Those are all at the top, right? At the bottom of this map, it would be like shame and guilt, apathy, grief, fear.
And then in the middle it's like neutrality, courage, anger, pride, desire, acceptance, reason, right? And so at the top we have like enlightenment, bliss, joy, peace, freedom. At the bottom, shame, humiliation, blame, despair, anxiety, things like that. And then of course the middle.
And so his idea is that there's things that calibrate to the higher levels and there's things that calibrate to the lower levels. Ways of being.
And so we're going to go over those distinctions because I want you to see what power feels like versus force. And in business, this is really what I think I help my clients do with their thoughts and their ways of being in the world. They choose power, not force. And so, like I said, I'm going to share 10 distinctions to help me paint the picture for you.
I think this stuff is so useful. And you're going to notice the distinctions that I'm choosing. One of the things that he talks about in his book is this idea that like the lower levels. So the levels that are far away from high consciousness, we would describe these as like lower consciousness, like humiliation or shame, or grief, anxiety, regret, despair, things like that.
When we calibrate to those levels, we actually have imitated versions of power. And so the list that I have, these ten ideas, we're going to talk about the true way of being, which is power, and then it's imitation, which is force. So let's just jump in.
So the first one is leading, which is power versus coercing, which is force. So like I said, I really want you to try on these thoughts. If I'm leading someone, how does that feel? Versus I'm coercing someone, how does that feel? And if you have been with me for a while, I have an episode that's called NSICL, it's like how coaches create clients, right? Need nothing, serve, invite, create, lead.
Which is interesting because I think a lot of people are afraid to lead their clients to a yes because they accidentally imagine coercing. And so you can feel the difference. Imagine leading a client through a decision versus coercing a client through a decision. Leading is powerful. Coercing is forceful.
And I think coercing has this like negative connotation rightfully so, because it's like asserting power over someone else versus you being in your power with someone else being in their power. And so leading doesn't mean forcing anyone to do anything, or manipulating as another word. So when I think of being a coach and being a creator, I do think of leading. And to me, that distinction feels different in my body, right? Leading feels open and grounded, whereas coercing feels small and constricting and yucky in my body.
So the next time when someone's trying to work with you and you're on a consultation with them and you're trying to see if it's a good fit and they want to work with you, don't worry about coursing them, try leading. And to me, that feeling like I say things differently than if I was trying to coerce someone or manipulate someone to say yes to working with me. That's not what I want. I want to lead them through a powerful decision, which means I'm not trying to course them into anything, I'm detached. I think power has a sense of detachment from other people. When I'm in power, I'm leading. When I'm afraid, when I'm trying to control someone, I coerce them, which is on the force side. And so this whole conversation today is going to be about choosing power. And so that's number one, leading power versus coercing force.
Number two is equals versus superior. And I love this one, especially in the coaching industry. I think there's this reputation of like hierarchy, like not the good kind of hierarchy, like where there's superior coaches and inferior coaches. Or like there's coaches on the pedestal and the clients are down below or something.
I don't agree with that. And I love this. So power would be, I see my clients and I see other coaches ahead of me as equals. Cause I think a lot of coaches are like, I know I'm equal with my clients. And that's awesome because I mean, obviously that's important. We're all equal as souls, there's no like superior humans. I think coaches have a different skill set. I think coaches bring awareness, but that's not because they're better than their clients. And most coaches would agree with that.
Where I see this showing up for a lot of coaches is this idea that coaches who are making more money or have a bigger audience or whatever, they are superior to them. Which means that if you believe that about another coach, you feel inferior and you believe in superiority, like the hierarchy. And so what I love about this is that that is actually a form of force. When we believe people are better than us, or we believe we are better than others.
We are in force, we're trying to manipulate, we're trying to make something happen. It's the counterfeit to true power, to higher levels of consciousness, which in this case, the word that he gives is equals. And I love it. If we're all equals, there's people that just have different skills. There's people who have different experience, but it's not because they're better than you.
And I love this because it makes you able to do anything that you've seen someone else do. It also means that your clients are your equal too, and they can do anything that you can do. Different skills, maybe different desires, maybe they don't want to do the same things as you. But the point is, is that you see them as an equal. And like I said, so many coaches, they get that with their clients, but then they immediately fall into this hierarchy type thinking when they think of other coaches or people who are making millions of dollars or things like that.
And so I love this just noticing when you are ranking people, you are not in the most powerful state you can be. Choosing to see people as equals is how you feel that love, presence and like truly no hierarchical thinking, where you're just at peace and you're not trying to prove anything. I love that. So, so far we've covered leading versus coercing, equals versus superior. And the next one is confident versus arrogant.
And I mean, you can look up the definitions, but even just feel how when I say the word confident, that feels a certain way. When I say the word arrogant, that feels a very different way. And so you can even see this online, people who are confident, you want to be near them, you want to learn from them because they're not here to prove anything.
They are who they are and they feel okay with themselves in public. They have nothing to prove. Whereas I feel like arrogance has that element of I'm here to prove something. I'm here to be better than you. I'm here to stand out. I'm here to put you down, something like that. And so it is essential in my opinion to be confident, but I think most people are afraid of being confident because they've mistaken that with arrogance.
And so I love this distinction so much. Power is confident, force is arrogance. So now we're moving on to number four, and this is one that we've talked about a lot, which is receiving versus grasping. And I love this distinction because especially if you're trying to make money as a business owner, which makes sense, you have to get comfortable receiving.
But I think what people are afraid of, or where they fall into the trap of being grasping, like that need for something to happen, that need for a client, that need for money. Whether that word grasping resonates, you could replace neediness versus receiving. I think receiving is an openness to life. Trust that clients are coming. Trust that money is coming. Trust that you can create the money.
This receiving feeling is like that expansive, warm, easy energy versus grasping is tight and forceful, right? And it feels small and frustrating. And whenever I feel this, and this can look so many different ways, I work through this with clients where it's like, well, if you imagine reaching out to that client that ghosted you, do you feel open, receiving or do you feel tight grasping?
And the answer will tell you everything that you need to know about what action to take because not all actions are created equal. As an example, you might DM someone from the energy of receiving and it goes beautifully. But if you DM someone to follow up in the energy of grasping, it goes very differently.
And so this is where if you've heard me talk about be, do, have, this is where everything changes cause it's not just what you do, it's who you're being when you're doing it. So as an example of receiving versus grasping, when I sell something and I'm in a receiving state and energy of receiving in my own body, right?
Where I'm like open and trusting and it feels warm and grounded, I'm in power. And that quality of action is going to be experienced different in the marketplace and by your people. People can't necessarily like articulate it, but you can feel it, right? You can watch people on social media who are in the receiving mode versus who are in grasping mode. Even if the action is the same, which it would be like selling.
And so I think if you sell in the receiving mode, it just is softer, there's no pressure, it's open, the energy is inviting. Versus if you're trying to sell in the grasping mode, it feels maybe abrupt or there's just something off about it, right?
You just can't quite put your finger on it. Like that's because it's a way of being, not what they're doing. So, so far, I'm going to recap because I just love these distinctions so much. Leading versus coercing. Equals versus superior. Confident versus arrogant. Receiving versus grasping.
Number five is serving versus ambitious. And this one bothered me a little bit, I'm not going to lie, because I consider myself an ambitious person. So I was like, but I also consider myself a very serving person. So what I did, which I encourage you to do at the beginning of this episode is like really check in with your own body. When I use the word ambition, I actually really mean the word vision, like visionary, like want more for my life.
Expansion is another word that resonates for me. But the word ambition or being ambitious, when you tap into what I think he's making a distinction between, is like self serving, right? It's me over everyone. Versus the distinction which is serving. So serving is related to power which is what we want. So when I imagine myself serving, it feels like I have the skills, the tools, the desire, and the ability to help people so I do.
Ambitious is like, I have the skills, the ability to win. It's about winning versus making a difference. And so, like I said, I actually still like the word ambition, but it's related to drive or vision expansion, not self serving. And so, definitions aside, the idea of serving versus the idea of being self serving or ambitious. One has a lot of consciousness to it, lots of power.
When we focus on serving, one of the thoughts that really resonates for a lot of my clients is like, it's not about me. It's about who I'm here to help, it's about who will be impacted by my message, it's about who will benefit from my skills. And then money and success becomes the byproduct, you don't have to really worry about it. But I think this distinction is helpful.
If you feel ambitious, it's like, I'm going to get what's mine. You're really worried about what people think of you. You're worried about being judged. You're worried about not being enough. Whereas those thoughts really don't cross your mind when you're focused on serving. Really let that hit. When you're focused on serving, you're not worried about being good enough in quotes. You're just worried about like, I'm trying to help. You're just here to be of assistance.
And if you do fall short, it's just a skill problem. It's not this like self worth problem. Whereas I feel like if you're ambitious and you're not good enough, it becomes a self worth problem. Like I'm so bad or I'm not good enough. And so whenever we can, choosing the feeling, the state of being, serving, feels so much better.
Right? I have so much clarity when I'm serving, I know what to say when I'm serving. When I'm trying to look a certain way or be perceived as a certain way, that's when I don't feel as good. And so it's an easy shift. It's like, oh, I'm making this about me. How can I not make this about me. And I can instantly get back into creating content or, whatever I felt stuck with, I'm back because it's like I can impact someone who's listening or reading or whatever, if I show up. And honestly, that's a huge hack for me because I think in the beginning, especially I was very in my head about what people thought about me and if I was perceived the right way, which was force, right?
I was trying to manipulate people into liking me, if I was being really honest. Versus power, like I am enough. I am here to help. I'm not worried about being judged. It's not even crossing my mind. I have nothing to prove. I just am who I am and I have certain things that I think will help people and I'm here to offer them. That’s serving. Such a good distinction.
Okay, let's go to the next one. And I really liked this one too. Surrendering versus worrying. And I love this because if you think about the word surrender, you don't necessarily think of that as powerful, but the distinction in this book is like, this is power and force is worrying. And so worrying ranks really low in consciousness. And that makes sense, right? How do you feel when you're worried?
To me, it's like a victim. Like I can do nothing to change anything. I'm just sitting here stressed. Right. And so one of the things that I've had a few clients ask me, like, do you really not worry about your business? And I'm like, I really don't.
And I didn't have a word for it until I was reading this book to prepare for this episode where the true, like we talked about force is an imitation of higher levels of consciousness, right? Which is power. So worry is an imitation of surrender, right? There's nothing I can do.
What could lead some people to worrying, still trying to control it, but there's nothing I can do. Versus surrendering is there's nothing I can do, and I'm okay with that. I'm not going to stress. It's a totally different experience. And so a practical application of this might be like in a launch, you can worry about your launch or you can surrender in your launch. Not that you give up, not that you stop trying, but it's coming from a place of peace of mind. It's like, it will be what it will be. It is what it is. That is surrender.
And so when I find myself worrying, it's probably because I'm attached to an outcome or I'm trying to manipulate or control an outcome versus choosing a higher way of thinking, a higher level of consciousness and surrendering. And I think this is a huge hack for people who can't like kind of put their business down or they're always thinking about their clients or their audience or social media or just their business in general.
It's like, let it go. Surrender. Stop trying to control. Force and trust. Surrender has this element of trust, which ranks high in the map of consciousness. And so I hope that's helpful. That distinction is huge for me. When I'm worrying, what I actually want is surrender because worrying is a falsehood, it's an imitator of the higher levels of consciousness. So let it go and surrender.
The next one, which I really like, is involved versus obsessed. One of the things that I've noticed in some entrepreneurs is they get obsessed with their business, get obsessed with success. And I love this distinction because it's close, but it's not the same, right?
Involved instead of being obsessed with money or obsessed with your clients or obsessed with success, you're involved with your clients. You're involved with success. You're involved with making money. And that feeling is so, I just love the word, like I'm involved. I'm engaged. I'm excited. It's important to me, but I am not obsessed.
So like I said at the beginning of this episode, just even try it on. How does the word involved feel versus its counterfeit obsessed? How does the word obsessed feel? Obsessed feels clingy, obsessed feels coerced, like that word that we used earlier. Coercing feels like force versus I'm involved feels powerful.
It's about me and how I show up to any situations is, I'm involved. And so try that on the next time. For me, obsessed wasn't a bad word until I realized the distinction between obsessors is involved. It's like obsessed is, I'm trying to control you. Involved is I'm here, and I am me regardless. My state of being is unconditional of how my business is doing or how my clients are operating or what my clients say. I'm just involved in my business because I like it. I like how I feel, I like putting effort in, I like thinking about my business, but I'm not obsessed and there's a line.
Okay, let's go on to number eight, which is probably when you've heard before choosing to versus having to. I catch myself sometimes I'm like, oh yeah, I have to record a podcast. I think I said that today when I knew I was going to record this. Yeah, I have to record the podcast. And it's interesting when you try that thought on, it feels limiting, right?
I have to, like someone's making me. And having to is the imitator, it's the counterfeit to choosing to. And I just love the freedom of that. And a lot of coaches, this is one of their first ahas before they became a coach, right? Like that choice, that element of agency that was missing in our lives.
I have to go to the grocery store. Eh? Wait. I choose to go to the grocery store because I love taking care of my family and I love having food available when they come home from school, right? Feels totally different than I have to. I have to post on social media, feels different than I choose to. I want to. I have to pay taxes versus I choose to pay taxes.
You can do this distinction in so many different areas of your business. And it just creates that feeling of freedom, which ranks super high on the map of consciousness. And that feeling of like illumination and joy and peace and freedom come from choosing. So the next time you catch yourself saying “I have to,” make a quick adjustment. “I choose to,” and just see how it feels.
Number nine is a distinction that I like to make, which is being versus having. And it's so funny because my clients are like, I've heard you say this before, but I get it now. I've had that happen a lot recently.
Like I get it because I can only bring people to a concept and you have to do the work to try it on and experience it for yourself. And so once you get it, you get it. So my hope is I'm bringing you closer to getting it. But for me being versus having is also one of those concepts that really changed my life.
As an example, most entrepreneurs want to have money, but they don't understand what they really want and what makes their business work so that they can have the money is being rich, being abundant, being generous. Because when you are those things, the quality of the action changes so that you can have things. Be, do, have.
And so in an industry, I watch this so much of having, having, having, and working to the next goal, the next milestone, the next, whatever celebration, the next number that's meaningful to them or just celebrated in our industry, whatever number you can think of, that having is never enough.
And we see this hamster wheel of like people who want to have more because they've missed the mark, what they really want is to be more and having can't create being, but being can create the having. And so it's this beautiful cycle where when you learn to do this, when you learn to live your life unconditionally, regardless of circumstances, and what that looks like is I am being abundant regardless of what my bank account says.
I am being generous regardless of if that's reciprocated. I am being patient regardless of if my daughter's throwing a tantrum or things aren't working my way. And obviously I'm not perfect at this, but I think this is the key for so many people is understanding how to be who they want to be, without the circumstances lining up for them to do that. Most of the world works backwards, right?
When I have money, I will be generous. When my business is successful, when I have success, I will feel and be at peace. When I make it to seven figures or a 100K or whatever milestone that we've invented, then I'll feel calm or I'll feel confident. And it's all backwards, right?
You have to be calm and confident to make good decisions to get you to that milestone. If you want to have money, you have to be thoughtful and mindful and abundant and generous now, that is the path. And so it is backwards thinking. What I love to work on, especially with my private clients, where you can really go deep and discover what they have, we can break it down and find what they really want to be, because that state is available with or without results. And so it gives you a lot of power, no one can take that away from you. The economy can't take away you being abundant. Not when you understand it this way, that you can summon it based on your thoughts, based on your paradigm of how you see the world, you can be that person, regardless.
In fact, I just had a beautiful experience with some of my private clients at a retreat in Sedona. I think I mentioned it in the last episode, and it was so cool. And one of the activities that we did was create a personal document for them where they get to speak themselves into existence.
And I quoted the book, it’s a great book called The Ultimate Coach, and it's written by Amy Hardison about her husband, Steve Hardison. And this is, I think where I first learned about the document, I can't remember exactly where I heard it from first, I think it was on a podcast, but they were referencing Steve Hardison and this idea of creating a personal document where you say statements about yourself, of who you would like to be, and it is a being document.
It is not, this is what I have, this is what I've done. It's like, I am visionary. I am patience. I am divine love. And anyway, those are some of the ones that we talked about. And all of them were so unique and beautiful. It was such a cool experience to do that with them and also share my document with them.
And I thought it'd be cool to kind of mention that here because that's what we're talking about being is a statement of who you are, not what you have, nothing external. I couldn't like document it with a list. Having is what I walk around in your house and see, right?
The car, the bank account, the clients, the social media audience, travel plans, right? Something external. Being is something that you are. It's characteristics. It's traits that you embody. And so when you notice that you feel like you don't have enough because you don't have something. What you're really saying to yourself is that that's not who you are.
So it's like, well, I don't have a big audience. I don't have this milestone. What you're saying is I am being someone who's not successful. And what's interesting about this is you can choose to be someone successful based on how you carry yourself and how you talk about your business. And this is not delusional.
This is how you live creatively. And creatively doesn't mean artistic. Creatively means using your thoughts and words to create yourself and your business. And I think this is what I do really well with my clients is I help them speak a way of being into the world so that the results in their business become a by-product.
And that's what I want for you too. So instead of focusing on what you have or don't have, focus on who you want to be and choose to be that way regardless of circumstances, regardless of whether your life lines up with that or not. And this is very difficult. This is not easy. If you want to be patient. And your three year old, speaking from experience, has a tantrum or does something frustrating, right? This is what's interesting, is I could use that circumstance to justify and validate why I lost my temper, or why I didn't feel patient in the moment, but that's conditional living. My patience is conditional on my daughter always behaving.
That's not power. So I think what we're talking about is taking power back and being who you want to be, like I said, regardless of circumstances, which is extremely difficult to do. This is not an easy path. I would describe this truly as the path to mastery. And I love that he shared that distinction in the book Power vs. Force because I always love that idea of living unconditional.
Like I am loving, I am divine, I am intuitive, I am patient, all these characteristics. And I do recommend checking out the book The Ultimate Coach and reading his chapter on the document and writing your own. Take it to your coach and create it and start speaking it to yourself because that's how you'd understand being, especially in this way where it's like separate from circumstances where you're living unconditional. You're being unconditional. So good.
Okay. The last one that I'm going to share is concerned versus judgmental. And this is a huge distinction for me because there's this phrase that I like and I referenced my document in my document.
I say, I am that no one is worthy of my judgment and everyone is worthy of my love, right? And how do you not judge someone, but still care, right? Or at least still be interested in their life. Concerned. And I love this decision, especially as a coach. You can have no judgment for your clients and still be concerned.
You can still love them. You can still be mindful about their decisions and want truly them to make the best decisions for themselves without judging whatever they're choosing. You can also apply this to your loved ones, your partner, your spouse, your kids, your in-laws, your friend that you have a hard time with, right?
Release the judgment because that's the counterfeit. And choose concern. To me concern speaks to like love, but also being involved. It's not like you're apathetic. I think there can be this mistake where non judgment means I don't really care. And that doesn't resonate for me either. So it's like, yeah, I'm non judgmental, but I'm concerned for you. I want what's best. And that was a huge distinction for me personally, because I think I am a very non judgmental person, but it's not that I don't care. It's not that I'm just like oblivious or apathetic, which is a very good distinction. In fact, one of the other distinctions he says that wasn't on my list, but I think this is interesting to bring about, in this episode is empathy versus pity.
And the feeling that you get when you pity someone versus when you have empathy for someone feels so different, right? Empathy is power. Pity is force. Pity is low-level thinking. Versus empathy is high-level thinking, high consciousness. Another one that I wrote down, but it wasn't on my list but now my list is set to 12 which is fine. Originally 10.
But the last one that I'll share is abundant versus excessive. Abundant is power. Excessive is low level or force. And I love that distinction because I think excessiveness is a great counterfeit to abundance and abundance feels different when you try it on, right? I feel abundance versus it's excessive.
There's too much. It's so much. Oh my gosh. And especially if you're someone who wants to make more money, I think this distinction is so interesting to see. Like when you see someone, some of the words that we use to describe people who make a lot of money, like filthy rich, right? What we're actually saying is that's excessive and excessive doesn't feel good.
But if you look at someone who's making a lot of money and say, oh, she's so abundant. Just notice how it feels, it just feels so different. And sometimes we feel icky because we're saying is excess. Right? That's so excessive. And I think that simple shift, even just how you observe other people, it's like, oh, that's so abundant.
Oh, she has such an abundant way of life. Her business is so abundant. And I think abundant is a catchphrase for sure, but I still think it's a beautiful distinction. Abundance versus excess. So, to recap all the little distinctions we talked about today: leading versus coercing, equals versus superior, confident versus arrogant, receiving versus grasping, serving versus ambitious, surrendering versus worrying, involved versus obsessed, choosing to versus having to, being versus having, and concerned versus judgmental. And then the additional ones that I mentioned, empathy versus pity, abundant versus excessive.
It paints such a clearer picture of how to be in business and how to be in relationships. Right. And he shares a ton more distinctions in his book Power Versus Force, so I recommend if this was interesting to you, check it out. Like I said, it is a bit of an academic read, it doesn't read like most self help books. It reads almost like a textbook.
But, either way, the map of human consciousness where he ranks ways of being, right? Enlightenment, love, peace at the high. That's where all our power is. So when we can, choosing perceptions of life that help us feel that way is in your best interest, but it's also in the best interest of it sounds a little woo, but like for the planet, for humankind, right?
Like we serve the world when we choose to be powerful. And I think it's loving, I think it's detached in the best way where you're not trying to manipulate or control. I think when we choose power, we choose creativity, we choose improvement, we choose expansion, we choose progress, we choose love. And so whenever we become aware of something that feels off or what it feels like force, you can change it in a moment.
To me, that's the power of coaching both myself, like self coaching, but also coaching others is like that awareness of this is force, what would power look like? And choosing that; that conscious awareness, that conscious choice. That's what we want.
It's not to be perfect all the time, it's when we've chosen something that no longer feels good or that feels constricting, we choose something different. And that's our agency and I think that is our divine gift to use. This has served me so much in business because I can't even tell you how many people I talk to who are trapped in the counterfeit. They're trying to reach for power, but they find the counterfeit. So they're worrying, they're obsessed, they feel like they have to, they're grasping, they're coercing, they're judgmental, they feel like the business is excessive or whatever and they completely miss this beautiful other way of being, which is power, where it's confident and receiving and surrendered and involved and concerned and we choose to, and we're leading, right?
All the great words that are empowering on the power side, where we feel empowered. And so those are the messages. That's like the big ideas that I got from reading Power versus Force. I hope this helps you. This concept really helped me. The distinctions have helped me choose to be who I want to be regardless of circumstances, in life and business.
So I hope this was helpful. If it was, please consider sharing with a friend that goes a long way for me and the podcast. And I appreciate you. I'll catch you in the next episode.
