Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. Today, I am very, very excited about the topic. It's a little snarky, a little funny. I've had lots of conversations with clients over the years about success and specifically about this one phenomenon that happens when you achieve high levels of success, which is unrelatability.
I'm talking about being unrelatable today because I think a lot of people have this fear of being unrelatable, and I'm gonna talk about the problems with that fear, and especially acting out that fear. And also just kind of, for a lot of you, to know you're not alone. I think the things we're gonna talk about today, to voice them is important because a lot of it feels like bragging or you're putting people down when you share things that you think about, the things that you do, the things that you've created. And it's so different than what is normal that you feel separate and unrelatable. I had a coaching session months ago where I found myself saying to my client, I don't think you're supposed to be relatable.
And I was thinking about her today and I was like, I'm gonna make a podcast episode about that. Because I think a lot of us are not supposed to be relatable. I think a lot of our dreams, a lot of what we want is unrelatable to most of the world. And so I'm gonna make some distinctions in this episode and many you will probably resonate with.
So the first distinction that I wanna talk about is people who have big dreams are relatable, but people who articulate and take massive action towards those big dreams become unrelatable. I'm specifically thinking about this memory I have when I was in first grade, we did Martin Luther King, I have a dream. And I remember everyone got to write on their t-shirts. Like we had these little t-shirts that said, I have a dream. And like, I wanted to be a children's author. Like I wanted to write a children's book, which is really cute. Maybe it was second grade, I feel like it was first grade, but maybe it was second grade.
Anyway, I was like, I wanna write kids' books, you know, and there's firefighters and teachers and superheroes and like, you know, the president and things like that. Like kind of funny as kids, but it's so safe to share our big dreams, to have them as kids.
And then we get to an adult, it's like we have to go for what's predictable, we have to talk about what's normal, what's regular, you know, what's expected. And I'm assuming if you're listening to this podcast, you're kind of like me. You think a little different. You want something exceptional. You have dreams that other people think are impossible, but you can't stop thinking about it.
So on some level, you've articulated at least to yourself, maybe to your loved ones, maybe to your coach. And I think the biggest indicator of being unrelatable is that you moved towards it. Right? I remember the first time I invested in a program, I was like, I'm so different than everyone that I know.
Like who's spending money on, it was called “A knowledge broker business" by Dean Graziosi and Tony Robbins. And it was like the first program I'd ever bought. And I felt so different than my peers, so different than people I had gone to school with. And then I've made significantly bigger investments since then.
And I know it makes me unrelatable, like who else spends tens of thousands of dollars on coaching. People who become unrelatable. The next distinction that I make is spending money, time, energy, to create something not normal, not expected, not regular, not predictable. When I think about what a lot of people use their money, time, and energy on, a lot of times it's what most of our population does, right? Entertainment, food, car payments, your house, clothes, going out to eat with friends, maybe a vacation. And I think people who are unrelatable, use their time, money, energy to invest in themselves. I use this term with my clients. I'm like, you are the golden goose that lays the golden eggs, to make their brains and their capabilities and their mindset more powerful to create more money, more time, more freedom.
So it pays dividends, right? It is an investment. It's an exponential investment. The more valuable my brain becomes, the more I'm able to create value in the marketplace, and then the marketplace in turn pays me value in the form of money. And so it's like this positive loop. I see it as incredible. I love investing in myself, but I know I'm unrelatable that way.
In the coaching world, we get in our little bubble where it becomes very normal. But if I were to share one of these things that I do, or this retreat I went to, or mastermind I went to, or coach I invested in, or books I've been reading, training and courses I've taken, most people don't do that. I think there's a new surge. I think there's more coming, but historically has not been relatable to do it at a high level, especially in a way that's consistent over time. We're not talking about a one time investment in self, like a seminar or a weekend conference. It's like a consistent, frequent investment into myself. And I do that for my business, I do that for myself personally, like I'm always growing and I know that's unrelatable. Probably you too. This is something else that's unrelatable and this is what I mostly work on with my clients, which is creating large amounts of money helping other people.
Historically, like when I think of being a kid and observing teachers and nurses and people who did a lot of service, often struggled with money. People who had their hands on the pulse of something like I think of janitors and this has nothing against them or teachers, historically don't make a ton of money. And I knew that even as a kid, and you probably know it too. There's this story that we develop, and I think it starts really young, that when we do work that has like a heart-centered feeling to it, and I studied in social work, so like I had this for a long time.
It was like if I have a heart to serve, I'm choosing a career that's not gonna make a lot of money in the name of, I just wanna do work that's meaningful, that really helps people. And I've unlearned that story through coaching because it does not serve my family. It does not serve my vision and dreams for the future. It makes me resentful and burnt out.
I think it's really healthy for people to make money doing what they love and helping people, but I think it creates this unrelatability that we're talking about, right? If I make a lot of money and I'm a walking paradox where I still have the heart, I still care about serving, I'm still deeply involved, I still wear my heart on my sleeve, I'm still emotionally involved, I care about truly helping people and I make a lot of money that makes me unrelatable. Like I know for me, when I started this journey, I read a book called You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Centro.
And that book really helped me because I had unconscious stories about people who made money, so we talked about the story of people with good hearts don't make a lot of money. Then the inverse becomes true. So if people do make a lot of money, they don't really care about people. I'm like, when did that story start?
It's so interesting, but I saw this in myself, right? I would look at a rich person and assume things about them, and that's why I love coaching so much cuz it helped me challenge those thoughts. I'm like, I don't know that person. How dare I make an assumption about that person who's making money?
Especially if I wanna be one of them. And so when you have a big heart and you want to really help people and you make a lot of money and become this walking paradox, you become unrelatable. I know people who make a ton of money and have the kindest hearts, who want to make such a big impact, who deeply care, who give back a lot in time and money.
And they're the kind of people that I aspire to be like that I hope that's who I am. That's who I choose to be now, and I know I can do it on bigger levels, but I think it does make you unrelatable to make a lot of money doing something that provides high levels of service to people. And I think the best thing you can do as a coach if you desire to grow your business, if you have a vision for what's possible, is to reconcile that within yourself, that it is okay to be unrelatable in that way, that people can be wrong about you, that people can assume things about you that aren't true and you are okay. Because when you look in the mirror, you know who you are, even if you're unrelatable, even if people can't quite understand what you do.
Making money, helping people, making big money, and you still have a big heart. It's okay to be that kind of paradox. And if you've studied my work, you know I believe in living in the paradox. And so if you've been unrelatable that way, if you're my client listening to this, you know we've had conversations about this of our fear of making so much money that people assume things or making so much money that people think you're greedy or that you're doing things that are illegal.
I've had that before, not myself, but a client. I think it's interesting, especially if there's people in your life that don't question their thoughts, that don't challenge their beliefs, right? They probably have judgements unchecked, and that's okay. I used to be that way. There's no judgment from me about that, but I think it can mess your own mind up, right?
When you hear it especially from loved ones and people who are close to you, when they're questioning your integrity, when they're questioning the ethics of what you're doing, they're questioning your character or they're saying things like you've changed or you don't value the things that you used to, or whatever.
Only you can know the truth. And so to me, opening myself up to being unrelatable and being okay with that, helps me know the truth of who I am. And it's okay if people are wrong.
The next thing I'm gonna talk about is the thinking that is unrelatable. I think that is the biggest one, right? I think people can observe my life and observe what I do and what I spend my money on, and how I use my energy and what I spend my time doing and make assumptions. But I think if people got in my head, I would really be unrelatable to them. And I actually wanted to talk about that because I think as I've evolved as a coach, and really taking ownership of my thoughts and what comes into my mind, what I allow to dwell in my mind, what thoughts I think are real, what thoughts I don't believe.
I have thoughts that I think a lot of people don't have, because it's not commonplace. Thoughts like, and I'm just gonna spew a few out, I don't think it matters exactly the details, we can go into some of them. Thoughts like, it's all working out for me, and I really believe that. And what's interesting is people would look at my life and say, well, easy for you to say you have an amazing marriage, you have a thriving business, you have a house, and you live in America, and all these things. But I think what I've created came from that thought, the clients, the success in business, my marriage, my motherhood, my health, my life came from the thought, it's all working out for me.
And I believe that before I had physical evidence. That makes me pretty unrelatable cause I was believing that before it could be congruent with my life. Because as coaches we teach, we are the cause of our life. Our life is the effect. And so I think to go into that a little bit, being unrelatable means that you think differently, right? You almost seem delusional. You almost seem crazy because you're believing things and speaking things, and thinking things that haven't caught up in physical life yet.
I feel like this is exactly what we do as coaches. This is our work, is helping people believe something before it comes to pass. And so that is unrelatable. Like, I'm not always open about the way that I think because I think it can make people uncomfortable. And this is part of being unrelatable. If someone is complaining about how nothing ever goes their way and they're like, right, buddy buddy, like don't you think things don't go their way. Like life is so hard. And like if I was being really honest about what I believed, I believe life is always working out for me.
It can seem like I'm invalidating them or that I'm making them wrong. I actually don't believe that, I don't think they're wrong. It's just, does that thought serve what they're trying to create? Cuz I identified that within my own life, right? I want to choose thoughts that serve me in my life.
I want to choose thoughts that empower me to create the things I want. And so it's interesting because I have no judgment for people who think differently, but I do question like, is that way of thinking helping them? Probably not. I don't think it's right or wrong. It's, does it serve where you want to go?
And I think if you can answer that question, you know which thoughts you wanna keep and which thoughts you want to discard. Other thoughts that I have is like, money loves me. There's always more that came from. Clients are finding me from places known and unknown. I'm favored. These thoughts are super different than the story that our culture tells us, and I think it is really unrelatable.
And so sometimes I think like, I went through a period where I was, this sounds more dramatic than I mean it to be, but isolated. I was doing coaching, I was with my family, and that's pretty much it. I didn't have a lot of outside world interaction, and that was good. It was like an incubator for my belief system that I wanted to integrate.
It was almost like there were little seeds in my mind that I had to protect while they grew into an unshakable oak tree. And I feel like a lot of my beliefs now are like the unshakable oak tree. I don't need anyone to think like me. I'm okay if people challenge my way of thinking and way of seeing the world because I know it works for me.
And so it feels more strong. It doesn't need to be protected anymore. It can be exposed to the elements. And I think that's unrelatable too, is that I have this unshakable mindset. A lot of my clients do too. And maybe you do too. And I just wanted to give you that permission that if you feel different or maybe just unique or isolated, I think that's actually normal for people as they're on the path of success.
To go through this period where like, oh, I don't think like my peers or my friends. I actually don't think like some of my family members, and that's okay. Because unless they've created what you are trying to create, it's really good that you think differently than them. Because thinking turns into results.
And so if you want different results, it starts with different thinking. I'm super meticulous about listening to advice or thoughts from people. I almost run it through a filter, like, does this person have the results that I want in life in this genre that they're talking about? So if I'm listening to someone on TV and they're talking about relationships, do they have the results as far as relationships go? This is the equivalent of listening to your broke friend telling you what you should use your money for. Right? That doesn't make sense. And so, this is what's interesting is we all want to help each other, but evaluating do they have what I want? Have they created in their life and have they helped other people create in their lives the results that I'm working on?
Health, wealth or relationships. And I think that makes you unrelatable because all of a sudden you're choosing thoughts, what I would call from pure potentiality or from your imagination, instead of just choosing thoughts that are mainstream, choosing thoughts very intentionally based on where you want to go, makes you unrelatable.
And so those are just some of my thoughts about being unrelatable. And like I said, this isn't against other people, this is just a different way of thinking. I think coaches, especially entrepreneurial coaches, who have a vision of what could be, are unrelatable because you see something that hasn't been created yet as a possibility for your life, as a possibility for the world, as a possibility for your clients, as a possibility for your children. If that's something that you think about. I know I do.
And I think voicing this, it feels a little bit vulnerable to share it with you guys, cuz I think when I think of the word unrelatable, I don't want it to feel like braggadocios or like look at me. But I think there is this feeling for a lot of people when they hit levels of success that like I'm becoming unrelatable.
And in the era of social media influencers and sharing online, there's this mainstream message that there's a certain way that is just dominant, like struggle. It's interesting cuz I don't subscribe to struggle, I subscribe to duality for sure. Like there's gonna be things that feel more difficult or things that stretch me.
But I don't see it as a struggle, I see it as an unfolding sequence of my life that I'm becoming, very different than most people. And I'm okay with that, I've made peace with that. So I think that's my wish for you, is to make peace with being unrelatable, make peace with thinking differently than your friends or peers or how you were taught growing up.
Make peace with the way that you spend your money and time and energy because you know the path that you are on and where you want to end up. And many people don't actually have that path lined up for them, and that's okay. There's no judgment. It's just know which path you're on. Having big dreams and moving toward them are some of the other things that we've talked about, right?
Creating money, helping people, makes you unrelatable and that's okay. Like big money, big money working maybe part-time hours. Lots of different ways this can look, but I think just knowing if you feel unrelatable and that fear you have of being rejected or left, it's valid, but also you can use an episode like this to buoy you up and recognize that actually means you're on the path you want to be on because you're gonna end up creating what you want to create.
Success in all areas of life is very unrelatable. It's like most people have a belief that the other shoe has to drop, and I don't believe that. I think you can have a thriving family life, a thriving business, a thriving spiritual life and be physically healthy. Like, I really feel like there's ways to have it all. It just makes you extremely unrelatable. So making peace with being unrelatable allows you to create a pathway to have it all.
So I think the more unrelatable, if you're choosing this kind of lifestyle, where you have it all. It requires you to make peace with being unrelatable, and that is the purpose of this podcast. So I hope you enjoyed it. If it resonates with you, share it with a friend that you think it would resonate with. That's how this podcast spreads, and I would love that.
So thank you for listening. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
