Welcome back to the Conscious Coach Podcast. This is a late night edition. I've been busy doing a lot of work and I normally don't resonate with the word busy. And maybe that's not the right word. I am in deep creation mode right now. Lots of things are changing and brewing behind the scenes and I'm excited to talk more about what that's gonna look like.
I'm not quite ready now, but I will definitely be keeping you guys posted as I have more clarity and make decisions and things come to fruition over the coming months. But it's big and that is actually what prompted today's episode all about growing pains. Because this is for me as much as it is for you.
I am experiencing growing pains, and so I wanted to create a podcast on just some of my thoughts because I'm not shying away from the growing pains. I'm not making it mean that I'm doing something wrong or that I'm not good enough. It's just this is the part where it feels hard. This is the part where I feel stretched.
This is the part where I question myself. This is the part where I feel confused or even like a little bit of a overwhelm by all the decisions I need to make and all the things that I'm trying to piece together. And so I definitely identify with the word growing pains. And so I'm actually thinking of this one phrase that many people have heard, and there's two ways that I've heard it said.
It's like, grow or die or evolve or repeat. Those are two different ways of saying the same thing, right? Either you're going to lean into the growth and all the discomfort that comes with it, or you're gonna recreate the life you've always had and stagnate. And one of the things that I think I first heard this from Tony Robbins, he talks about in nature things stagnate or things plateau, it often means that they're dying and growth is life, right?
And so I think as humans, it is one of our needs. And it keeps us thriving. It keeps us abundant, it keeps us loving, it keeps us healthy. I think it feels good to have a meaningful pursuit, you know, and part of the deal is when we choose a meaningful pursuit, it also means growing pains. And so if you're going through growing pains or if you found this episode because you are going through growing pains, even if it's years after I created this episode, I hope it helps you.
Because I know that if you're listening to something like this, you are growing. And not everyone in this world chooses to grow intentionally. You know, I think some people are forced to grow. They're forced to do mindset work and forgiveness work and self-concept work. And I think for me, I've always resonated with like, I would choose the experience or the opportunity myself.
I didn't need life to beat that into me. I've always been a student, which I know I'm super grateful for. I think I've avoided a lot of hard things because I've chosen growth and I've been prepared for the hard things if and when they come. Because life has a lot of duality. In fact, I was just talking to my six year old about this on the way to school this morning.
We're driving and it's just her and I in the car and she asks this really profound question. She's like, mom, if Jesus loves us so much, why are there dangerous things in the world? And she's super smart. And so it's not uncommon for her to ask these kinds of really profound questions. And so I just took a second.
I was like, that's a really good question. And so I actually taught her about opposition in all things and the word duality cuz she could handle it. And we talked about happiness and sadness, hot and cold, joy and sorrow, mountains and valleys, like I gave her physical examples too.
And so when we want the fruit of growth, we also sign up for the hardship of growth. And I think that's like the duality part of life. And it's so funny talking to a six year old about it because using language that she could understand actually helped me understand it better and how important it is. I think I said, like if we didn't experience the highs and the lows, or the ups and the downs, or, you know, the sadness and the happiness both, we wouldn't really be able to be alive.
And she's like, well, I would've been alive. It just would've been all happy. And I was like, you know, it's interesting that I think that's what we want it to be, but it's true. If we didn't have the opposite, could we experience the positive? That's been on my mind today as I've been thinking about this episode and what I wanna say about growing pains, I've been very comfortable. That's something that, on a personal note, I've been super comfortable in how my business has been running up to this point. And I'm super grateful. And I think when you're on the path of growth, there'll be, you know, it's not always grow, grow, grow as fast as you can. I think there's periods where it's good to kind of anchor it in to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
And I've definitely been in that season, and I’m super grateful. And then I think there's moments of awareness or an awakening or a vision, a reality that you want to create and you can't unsee it. And I’ve had that experience for sure, where I'm like, oh, what do I want now in this season?
Because to be truly honest, like the season that I'm in right now is what I wanted five years ago, right? Like five years ago I would've been so grateful to know that this was my reality and like that was the end result. And I'm like, okay, like I'm five years in and I'm living this life that I'm super grateful for and super proud of, and now what?
And so I think for a little bit of time it was like I wasn't really growing. I was doing the things that I knew how to do. I was delivering the things that I knew how to deliver. I was coaching the way that I knew how to coach, and I was growing my business the way that I knew how to grow my business up to a certain point.
And I'm like, okay, like what does this next season for me look like? You know, I think entrepreneurs do have seasons and, if you study entrepreneurs, like they all have periods of growth, periods of development, and different things that they create during that season. And so I am in a period of deep creation and I actually made a post on Instagram about how it's not that's necessarily new.
It's something that's better, more high quality, elevated version of me, elevated version of what I do in the world. And so it's causing me a lot of reflection, obviously here I am recording this podcast episode for you about growing paints. But it's good. It's making me really challenge my thinking of myself and what I'm capable of.
It's making me evaluate how I can be the best that I can be, and not just sufficient, not just good, not just even above average, like really seeing like what would the most exceptional version of me in business and in my personal life, my fitness, my motherhood, my spirituality, like all of it.
Like what would it be like to take that all up level, because the game of expansion. I had a podcast episode months ago called Expansion, and I think about expansion all the time. And one of the things that I know to be true is that there's infinite levels of expansion, right? It never stops, and so it's like, of course I'm experiencing this because there will always be this. There will always be growing pains.
There will always be another level that I want to reach. There will always be something that I haven't created that is on the horizon because I'm a visionary human, and I think most humans feel better when they're in the pursuit of something. And I want you to consider these two words as we're talking today is like pursuit versus plateau.
And what's interesting cause I think I'm coming out of a plateau right now if I'm being really honest. And it's been a great plateau. I have nothing to complain about. It's been abundant and beautiful and full of learning and incredible relationships and awesome business milestones and all these cool things.
But I do think I was in a plateau because I wasn't actively pursuing my next level. I was doing what I was comfortable doing. And by nature, you can't be comfortable when you're growing. You have to be a little bit uncomfortable, not like you have to be triggered or totally overwhelmed or burning the candle at both ends.
But I do think there's this element of being in the growth zone, stretching yourself. And if you're always doing what's comfortable, you're probably in a plateau. I know for me, I was for sure doing the things that I felt comfortable doing. The topics that I would talk about, my presence on social media, what I would discuss on this podcast, how I ran my business was very comfortable.
And I remember journaling and I realized like I had basically achieved the things that I set out to create. Now what? Now what's my season? And I still have, you know, goals that I haven't achieved. But I think I can see the inevitability of them already. And so it's like, okay, what's next? What's on the horizon?
What feels almost impossible right now? I really like to think about that, like what feels impossible that I want to start pursuing, because the more I pursue it, the more I do the belief work, the more I manage my mind, the more I choose thoughts intentionally and speak things into existence, the more it becomes possible and then inevitable.
Right? And so I think the problem with plateaus is everything seems possible. You're like, yeah, it's inevitable. Like it's fine. And you don't have to stretch your belief or your faith in order to become someone new or to create something you never created before because you're just recreating. When I think of a plateau, I think of recreating what you've always created and there's no growth there.
I think this is the balance of entrepreneurship is we want to keep doing what's working. And still focus on expansion. So it's not like you wanna abandon the things that are working. It's like, okay, this has become natural for me to do. Like social media is one for me. Like I don't have to think about social media.
But in the beginning, I had to think about it all the time. It was really stressful to make a post and now it's not. That's a great example. So now it's like, okay, I can do media and a podcast, and then now podcasting feels really easy. And so it's like I can do social media and a podcast. And now I'm doing other things that I'm excited to talk about in the coming months that are gonna contribute to my body of work and my impact in the world and my community.
And so I think the plateau is like doing what you've always done and being safe. Like this is easy. I'm comfortable. Whereas, in growing pains, it feels sometimes really crappy to be really, to be really honest. I've had a few days where I'm just like, my mind is just buzzing with ideas and there's unmade decisions and it feels heavy.
And I've just noticed my brain being in it, being in the growing pains. And so, one of the most powerful questions I think you can ask yourself is, what do I really want now in this new season of my life? Because I think the secret is, the pursuit is what we want. And actually in my notes, I wrote down, the pursuit, not the attainment, is the point.
And so if you've already attained the things that you wanted to attain, it's time to set a new point where you're working towards because it's actually the pursuit that feels good. It's the pursuit that makes us feel alive. I'll never forget reading the book Shoe Dog where his startup story is so exciting and invigorating and now, he's got bajillions of dollars.
But it's not the same quality of life. You can like read it in his words. And so I thought about that. I'm like, these are the good old days. Like what I'm living right now is the good old days. And the good old days come from like a pursuit of something. I think a lot of people talk about high school or college because they were pursuing something.
They were more focused on the future than they were on the past, and that was exciting. And then they grow up and they only reflect on the past instead of having a vision on the horizon. And so I think happiness and fulfillment comes from having something on the horizon that you are working towards and making progress towards.
And that means growing pains. Like you can't have a big vision and not have growing pain. So it is inevitable. And as I was preparing for this episode, I really thought about the four stages of competence. I remember learning about this in psychology. So there's basically four phases. Of competence in the beginning, you're unconscious, incompetent.
And I like to think of this phase as like, you don't even know what you don't know. You don't know how bad you are and that's okay. And then you move into conscious incompetence where it's like you start to know how bad you are. You can be aware of the skills that you need to develop and the things that you kind of suck at.
And this is where a lot of people start to doubt themselves cuz they're aware of all the things that they're not good at. They're aware of all the things that they need to improve versus. Then they move into the next phase where they are practicing the skills, they are doing the things to develop mastery and they're conscious competent, which is like, it takes some focus.
I think a lot of people are conscious, competent in a lot of things, right? Where it's like you can’t do it in your sleep, but you can do it well. It just takes more focus. And then, you know, what I think of as mastery is unconscious competence. And I think, for entrepreneurs, you know, we start the unconscious competence.
We don't even know what we don't know, but by the time we move into unconscious competence where things come easily, we don't have to focus so hard on it, then it's where you get to start skill stacking. And we see this online, like in the coaching world, it looks like this, right? In the beginning, you're not good at coaching or business and then you learn skills in coaching.
And then maybe you start learning skills in business. And it takes a lot of effort, but you learn it. You start signing clients, you start having success, and then you have conscious competence where it's like you have a focus, maybe you have a plan, you get support, you know what to do, and you do it.
But it takes a lot of effort. And then you move into unconscious competence where it's just easy. You're signing clients, your business is growing, and now you could skill stack. So like where I see this a lot, maybe it's like you start podcasting or you start email marketing, right? Or you hire people and then maybe you're teaching a curriculum, maybe you have a framework, right?
And like the unconscious incompetence starts over where you have to start a new skill, right? And those are the growing pains. It's like, in my example, I have a lot of competence, unconscious and conscious competence in coaching, in building word of mouth coaching business, being a solopreneur, some other random skills like writing emails and writing content and things like that, that just feel really natural to me.
But now what I'm trying to create, I feel like I'm back at the beginning. More like CEO, visionary, big picture type stuff. Like it's bigger than just a one-on-one coaching business or like a small coaching business.
It's pretty big. The things that I'm trying to build this foundation of. I’m back at square one with like, unconscious incompetence. I think I just got out of that. I think the growing pains exist in the conscious incompetence where you're aware of where you're falling short, you're aware of how you could be better.
You're aware of the skills that you don't have. And so that's the phase that I feel I'm in, and I think that's the phase where we experience growing pains. And it's just good to be gentle with yourself when you have that awareness because you know how to develop mastery, right? Everyone's developed mastery of something.
Like if you think about brushing your teeth, right? When I brush my two year old's teeth, she has unconscious incompetence. She doesn't even know that she doesn't know how to brush her teeth, right? Whereas my five year old knows she's not great at brushing her teeth, so she's probably conscious, incompetent, needs my support, needs help.
And then my six year old who brushes her teeth, right? She's more conscious, competent. She needs to focus. Maybe she needs some support sometimes or reminders. But overall she does pretty good. And like I would say, I, and most of you, are like unconscious competent.
You don't have to think about brushing your teeth. But as you learn new skills, you start back at the bottom of the pyramid. I think of it as like the period of mastery as a coach, right, there's three levels of mastery and there's different phases of the three levels of mastery, and I'm gonna explain it.
So I think that there's self mastery and there's growing pains in self mastery. There's coaching skill mastery, and I think a lot of people experience the growing pains, but a lot of times, especially if you went to a certification school, a lot of times you go through the growing pains in the program, so you get to coach people for free or for practice.
I know for me, I did this by trying to coach a hundred people for free, where it was like, I don't need to go through growing pains because I positioned it as they were helping me. But I think there is an element of like, doing things that make you feel uncomfortable, risking being wrong, being vulnerable, things like that.
That's part of it. And then there's the mastery of business, of entrepreneurship. And so when I think about these three things, you know, mastery of self, mastery of coaching skills, mastery of business. There's different phases of that, right? In the beginning it's like, you master that in a way just to get your first paying client, then you move into a different phase where then it's like, I'm trying to get fully booked.
And then you move into another phase where it's like, I'm gonna raise my prices and then get fully booked. Maybe I'm gonna launch a group program, maybe I'm gonna have a mastermind. Maybe I'm gonna, you know, be a high ticket coach and get fully booked, right? There's different phases and levels to this game of mastery, but all three of those skills apply.
Self-mastery, coaching mastery, and business mastery happen at whatever phase of business you're in. I think the level of skill and the way it applies and the scope in which it applies changes, and that's what I'm experiencing right now. And so if you've been through growing pains, just know you'll experience them again if you keep trying to grow yourself and grow your business, right?
Like it's inevitable. It's part of the process. I think the thought error would be, well I've already gone through the hardest part, I won't have to feel this, you know, defeated or this frustration or like a lack of skills or like maybe a feeling of doubt or underqualified, I think is another thing that people experience. I know I've experienced that recently as I'm like stepping into this new vision and that's the growing pains. And it's not because something's wrong. It's not because you're not good enough, it's because you are back in a different phase of growth, right?
You are probably in conscious incompetence and that's just good awareness because that means if you keep developing the skills and stick with it, and like what I always like to say is you're here until it works. You will develop the conscious competence and then the unconscious competence if you just keep going.
And you get feedback, and you get mentorship, and you start learning, and you read the books, and you apply what you learn, it's inevitable that it will work out. And so I think having that understanding makes the growing pains tolerable. And I think it gives it purpose as well.
It's not like suffering for suffering's sake. It's so that you can become the person you want to become and create the things that you want to create. The last thing that I'm gonna share is just the power of paradox.
You guys know I talk about paradox all the time. But I think that growing pains, it doesn't mean that it's all bad or all hard, right? There can be gratitude and desire. There can be going inward and doing the inner work while still taking action. You can celebrate what is and crave more. You can reflect on what's great and what you've accomplished and still demand more of yourself.
And I think that's where I find myself right now. It's not that I'm not proud of what I've created or even that I'm not grateful. I am grateful and I want more, and I don't think it has to be mutually exclusive. Right? I can be grateful for my life and know that there's another level I can play at. I can honor the struggle of what it took to get here and honor the vision that I have of what's next.
I think of it as like peaceful pursuit. Even though I'm experiencing growing pains, I still feel a lot of deep inner peace and I think that that is something that I love about coaches and this world of like thought work and belief work and faith in managing your mind and emotions and just general self-awareness and higher levels of consciousness, right?
Is that I can be peaceful amid turmoil, as I'm changing things, as I'm making these decisions, and I think that's available to people, but they don't know it. That you can be in hard times and still have grounded levels of peace that you can be in the struggle and still be blissful and grateful.
And to me that's what makes this work sustainable. And it's why I love coaching, right? It's not just about creating results like externally. It's also about the experience I have of life, right? The way that I experience my life. And I think of this as like the quality of life.
And that’s why I love coaching so much. It's like, yeah, create the external results that you want. Get the house, build the business, get the body, have the relationship, right? Whatever it is. Something external. But also love where you are. Have peace of mind, have fulfillment and gratitude and bliss and joy along the way.
And I feel like I do feel unstoppable in a lot of ways because I know how to create results in the external and on the internal. I'm like, nothing can stop me because I know how to ground myself. I know how to come back to gratitude and belief. I know how to stick with it, even if it's hard.
And so it's like, no one can stop me. You know? It sounds like silly, but I think the reason I'm saying that is I want you to know that's available for you too. If you have a really big vision or if you have something that you're working to create, you don't have to sacrifice your wellbeing, even if it's uncomfortable.
I would say I'm uncomfortable, but I have a lot of peace of mind. I'm stretching and growing, but I'm also like totally grounded. It's like I just live in the paradox of what it means to be growing this way, and I think if more people knew how to live in the paradox, we’d probably have a lot of happier and more successful people, right?
People would be happy and strive for success. People would be loving and ambitious. It wouldn't be this mutually exclusive thing. We would have both. And that's the kind of world that I want to create. I feel like that is the world that I'm creating in my own little sphere. And so I hope this helps you if you're in growing pains, is just embrace the paradox.
Even if it's challenging, it doesn't mean that everything has to feel difficult or that you have to be exhausted. I think for me, when I'm working on, you know, these big things that I'm doing behind the scenes, and making decisions and planting seeds and evaluating my frameworks and my, like, what I want to create on a grander scale.
It could be easy to just be in despair or be overwhelmed or be frustrated all the time, but I think because I have this unshakable foundation of faith and belief in groundedness and peace, that's what I naturally come back to. And I wouldn't trade that for the world, that feeling that I have of inner peace.
And I think that if more people knew how to create both, like I said, I think our world would just be different. We wouldn't be sacrificing peace for money. We would have peace and money. We wouldn't be sacrificing great communication with our spouses for the business success. We would have both.
We wouldn't be sacrificing time with our kids for the money and the fame and the business and oh, whatever. We would have both. And not because one is bad. It's not like business success is bad. It's just you can have it all. And I think that takes a level of consciousness and a level of commitment to doing the inner work, which is what you guys know I am here for.
So I hope this helps you. Thank you for listening to this episode. If you feel inclined to share, I would love that. That is how the podcast grows is word of mouth. And I don't run ads or anything as you know. But I'm just grateful that you are listening and grateful that I have you as my community.
So thank you for sharing this, if it feels aligned with you, and I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
