Hey you guys! Welcome back to the Conscious Coach Podcast. We're talking about integrity today, and it's been on my mind a lot as I've been coaching and working big time behind the scenes to lay the foundation of the business that I want to build, which is bigger than what I have now, and that's okay.
That's part of the process, right? And so part of laying a new foundation is to evaluate some of the core principles, the core values that I have as the owner, the CEO, of my business as the coach for my clients. And so integrity has been on my mind. In fact, when I got my branding done quite a few months ago now, one of the words that kept coming up in my conversations with the brand designer is integrity, and I think about this word a lot because I think this is what lets me have peace of mind when I am in troubled times.
This is what helps me have peace of mind when even when a client is upset with me or things don't go as planned, if I do things in integrity, I can have my own back even if things go wrong, right? Because I know that I did the best that I could. And actually I made a little list of seven things you can do to have more integrity.
And I'm gonna talk about each of them in depth, but I wanted to kinda share why it's on my mind. I'm restructuring the Matrix right now. I'm thinking of how I can over-deliver and make it something that stands the test of time, that's the word that comes to mind.
I don't know if that's the right word per se, but it's a word that I've been contemplating like, how do I make this something one, that not beats everyone, but provides way more value than what's in the market right now. And so I added three new calls to the Matrix where it's like hands-on support from me. It's not really teaching because as I'm evaluating my own integrity, I heard this phrase, that it's kind of a crude phrase, but it's called mental masturbation.
And I was like, oh my gosh. I've been there before where it's like I'm reading, I'm thinking, I'm consuming content, and nothing is moving forward in my own business. And on the flip side of that, I'm like, how am I creating that in my own clients? Right? And what I realized is I'm not providing support so that they can implement what they're talking about.
And so I've been working on this behind the scenes for a while and I just introduced these three new calls to the Matrix just recently, the current members because I wanna be in integrity. I want to not just help people learn more. Learning's great, but it's not power. When we apply what we know, that's power. Knowledge is just potential power.
And I'm interested in real personal power. I want my clients to actually get results, not just know more. And so as I was contemplating that, like how do I be more in integrity? How do I help my clients get real results instead of just learning more? I'm making these changes and more changes will be coming.
Awesome changes, positive changes. So that I can be more in integrity with what I'm teaching and what I offer, which is helping people grow their business, right? Making more money, signing more clients in a way where their values are intact. And so as I've been contemplating this, you know, what does integrity mean to me?
I came up with these seven ideas that I wanna share today, so that you can be in integrity and that you can revisit these principles. Whenever you feel out of alignment with your own values, when you feel like something is off like inside, on a soul level, coming back to integrity has always been a powerful practice for me.
So without further ado, number one, do the best you can with what you have. So what I wanna offer is that where you're at today is not gonna be where you're at in a year or three years or five years. And you will be embarrassed when you look back on what you could offer now in a year, right?
When you're reflecting back on this time in a year, you might be like, oh, I could have done so much better. I know I've had that experience many times and I think the error with this truth is that you won't take action cuz you're afraid of messing it up. You're afraid of not being enough. Some of you are paralyzed because you're like afraid of being seen small or not good enough.
And one of the things that I always tell my clients is sometimes your clients will have to witness you not being great as you learn to become great. This is part of the game, unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, right? Sometimes your clients are gonna be disappointed. That's part of the process of you learning how to not disappoint people and how to over-deliver.
Sometimes you're gonna make promises that you can't keep. That's part of you learning how to make promises. Sometimes you're gonna have these big ideas that you don't know how to actually make happen. That's also part of the process. And so, doing the best with what you can is more of a mindset.
It's like you're not trying to hurt people or scam people or be out of integrity. It's just that you are giving your all in this season with the knowledge and experience that you do have. That is integrity and you can be at peace because we can only act on what we know. And I think the mistake would be to use what you know in the future against yourself in the present.
So what I mean by that is you don't want to have this knowledge that you know you're gonna be better in the future. Look, I know I'm gonna be better in the future, but I don't let that stop me from creating the podcast today. Right? I know I will have a different level of mastery in business, in coaching, in my personal life, in the future because I am on the path of growth and I do the work.
I know I’m gonna be better in the future, but I'm not gonna let that stop me from showing up in my fullest today. And if you study anyone in our industry, Tony Robbins, Brooke Castillo, Brendan Burchard, Ed Millet, all of these really big names, Eckhart Tole, all these really big coachy names, they started somewhere.
They all started from nothing, right? And you have to be willing to start. Even if it's bad, because the only way you can get good is by starting, right. You can't skip the part where you're not great. You can't skip the part where you make mistakes. Now, I think mentorship and programs and coaching can help you avoid some mistakes, but I promise you will make them even with mentorship, even with coaching.
I know I have for sure. And that's part of the process. That's not something to skip. That's just something to know. That's just part of the game. And so when we commit to doing the best that we can with what we have, I think there's this element of grace that we're not gonna use our limited sight, our limited understanding in this moment against ourselves in the future when we have more sight, more vision, more wisdom.
And so that's been huge for me, is I know that there's gonna be room for growth in the future. Right now, I'm just doing the best that I can with what I have. Another word for that is like scrappiness, right? That doesn't mean that you're out of integrity. It means that you're trying.
Cuz I think a lot of people are afraid of being out of integrity we're gonna talk about different things. I have six more points that I wanna talk about about integrity. But I think the first one I wanted to say first is that like, you're gonna suck sometimes you're gonna be bad sometimes, and that's okay.
Everyone started with a limited knowledge base. Everyone started without a lot of experience, and the only way they got to where they are is because they kept going and they kept doing the best that they could.
And your best gets better, right as you evolve, as your understanding evolves, as you gain experience, as you get coaching and mentorship, as you get feedback from your clients in the marketplace, like you improve, but the only way you can improve is if you're playing the game, right? And so the key here is to play the game and give it your all with what you've got and let that be enough.
Number two, and I think that this is what most people think of when they think of integrity. And that is aim to be impeccable with your word, right? Do what you say you're gonna do. And a lot of people use that definition of integrity. I think the other way to think about this well, I think the main way to think about this is with yourself, right? The things that you tell yourself and then you honor that when no one's looking.
Most people use that definition of integrity, right? Is you are who you are, even when no one's looking. And I think that's something that's really important to my people, to you guys. But I know it's important to me, and so I tend to attract people who care about that, right? Like I am who I am, whether I'm talking on this mic or whether I meet you at Target, and I've met some of you at Target, right?
We've run into each other, which is awesome. And I hope that I'm the same person cuz that's my intention, right? That's something that I care about is I'm the same person. And I think being impeccable with your word is a great book called The Four Agreements. And this is the first agreement is like be impeccable with your word.
When you say something and you honor it and you follow through, your word starts to get power. I think that even like on little things, I was actually coaching a client once who's a mom. And she was growing her realtor business, right?
Like she's selling houses and she's busy, like she's killing it. And on a personal level, she's like, I feel like I can never keep up with the laundry and like my personal life feels out of balance because my business is booming. And sometimes this happens, right?
I was just kind of asking some questions and one of the things that I offered her was like, well just stop saying you're gonna do the laundry. And she's like, that's weird. And I was like, well no, this will help you be in integrity with your word, right? Just don't say you're gonna do the laundry if you're really not.
Cuz what was happening on a micro level, she kept saying she's gonna do the laundry, and then she didn't because she would get busy and then she felt bad because she said she was gonna do it. And then she didn't. Right. And so I was like, well, just don't say, you will just say, I'm not doing laundry. So you can be in integrity with your word.
And that's the foundation. So then when you start to say, I'm going to do laundry, you follow through, but the beginning is to match your actions with your word. And so we can do this with weight loss or working out, right? I'm not gonna work out. You can say that out loud instead of saying, I'm gonna work out and then not working out.
You just say, I'm not going to work out so that your word matches your action, and in the beginning, your action is going to need to be the dominant force, the dominant power. Right, what your action is saying. And I think that's the beginning of all transformation, is we start to speak our action and they're in alignment, right?
What I say and what I do are congruent. And then the step two is to start speaking what you want and then honoring that with action. So step two, in this process for my real estate agent client would be, I'm going to do laundry and then do it. Step one, I'm not gonna do laundry. Don't do laundry.
Congruence. Step two, I'm going to do laundry. Do laundry, congruence, right? And it's gonna be small steps in business. This looks like I'm going to post every day and then posting every day. If you struggle with posting, just try it on. Start to say, I'm not gonna post every day and see how that feels. It's interesting because what it'll show you is what you actually value.
Most people don't like saying, I'm not gonna post every day, or I'm not gonna try hard in my business. But they keep breaking their word. And so I think when we clean up our word with ourselves, we start to develop rapport with ourselves, we start to develop personal power. This seems counterintuitive and it is, but I think this is actually a great way to become impeccable with your word.
I might do another podcast on this. Let me know if you guys want that. Because I think this is a very counterintuitive approach to personal power, and this is what I started to do because what I noticed that my word mattered, right? I noticed how many places in my life that, especially in the beginning of my personal development journey, I realized my word was not aligning with my actions, right?
I would say that I wanted to level up, that I wanted to make more money. And then I wouldn't, and so my word and my action wasn't in alignment. I was out of integrity. So what I started to do was actually to say less about myself. I started to match up my word with my action, and it didn't feel good, right?
That's not what I wanted because I think the danger and continuously speaking things that were not owning up to, we're not actually doing the action that's in alignment with the word is this sense of self delusion. I'm gonna make 10 K months. That's what I used to tell myself, and then I wouldn't, and I would just keep saying the words and keep not taking the action for that to happen.
And I broke trust with myself inside. So when I would say, I'm gonna make 10 K months. I knew, the deepest part of me knew that wasn't gonna happen. That's not integrity. And so what I would start to say is something different. Like, I'm going to try to sign a client this month. I'm signing one client this month.
I lowered the bar that I would speak with my word, so that my actions and my word were congruent. And then as I built rapport with myself, as I learned self-trust, as I learned what personal power meant, as I learned to follow through on bigger and bigger commitments, then my word grew and my rapport with myself grew.
So when I would say something that I've never achieved before, I actually believed it was gonna happen because I had undeniable evidence of when I use my word to speak something, it happens instead of what most people have. I use my word to speak something and then the opposite happens or it doesn't happen, and that's okay.
I like the word grace, but I think there's this flip side, right, where we're almost too soft on ourselves and so we speak something. It doesn't happen. That's okay. I'll try again. I speak something, it doesn't happen, and then all of a sudden years go by and we don't have trust with ourselves on a very foundational level.
This is why we get coaching, right? This is why we do the work, because this is why most people fall into mediocrity. They fall into lost dreams. It's because they've broken their word with themselves so many time. When they say, this is the year, right? January comes around and they're like, this is the year that I get out of debt.
This is the year that I build my business. This is the year that I lose 20 pounds. This is the year that I leave this bad relationship or whatever. The most quiet wise part of themselves know that's not true. You've said this before. You are not impeccable with your word. So, eh. And that's dangerous, right?
That's not a powerful creator. And I'm very interested in helping you be a powerful creator. So start with becoming impeccable with your word. Don't say it unless you really mean it. For most of us, this means speaking less or speaking less grandeur. If you say, I'm gonna do laundry and I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this, just notice you probably won't.
And so this is why there's like this advice that I actually think is really interesting. It's like, put three things on your to-do list today and don't do anything until you do them. That's part of being impeccable with your word. Do less. That way, your word and your action line up and you can beat in integrity.
Number three is can I, which is c a n i. I got this from Tony Robbins and I love it. It's constant and never ending improvement. To me, that means being in integrity. If you're always willing to become better, which means you're coachable, it means you see your weaknesses and not from the place of self-loathing, just from truth telling.
When you see yourself in where you can get better and you make efforts to improve, true efforts where you're coachable and humble enough to see what you can do better. To me, that's being in integrity. So I try my hardest to when people give me feedback, I swallow my pride, I swallow my ego, and I ask myself like, what's true about this?
And I try really hard for everyone I know, my husband, my clients, students, people on social media, like I really try to listen to what they're telling me, even if it's critical, because that's part of improvement. And I'm definitely working on this. This is something that I'm working on personally, this accepting feedback, instead of being perfectionistic.
Number four, admit when you make mistakes. This is something that goes hand in hand with what we just talked about, right? If I'm always striving to improve and get better, it means I also need to acknowledge when I fall short, when things don't go well, when I make mistakes. And this is also one of those like slice of humble pie, right?
It doesn't feel good sometimes to admit where you're making mistakes, but nothing will make you feel more in integrity than doing this. Owning where you've fallen short, owning where you stopped keeping your promises, owning when you said something and didn't follow through, owning when maybe there's another level of growth for you and you're not going for it. So this is including in business and personal. Admitting when you make mistakes is how we stay in integrity.
Number five, be honest about what you want. This was something that I learned early on. I used to say, I'm so content with my life. And I think that there's a part of this, and I teach gratitude.
It's not that we're not grateful for what we have or be in the miracle of our current life, but I think integrity also means admitting what you really want. And a lot of people let their dreams die because it's too painful to admit what they really, really want. And I'm in the business of helping people get what they really, really want.
And this is step one, is that we have to be honest about what we really want, and then the attachment to admitting what we really want is risking disappointment, risking vulnerability, risking effort, sacrifice, trade offs. It also means admitting where you're not good enough, in a good way. This isn't a bad thing to admit where you're not good enough, right?
And I don't mean good enough on a soul level. I really love Tony Robbins quote about like, we're all equal as souls. We are not all equal in the marketplace, right? The value that Tony Robbins brings to the marketplace, hundreds of millions of dollars, is different than the value that I'm currently bringing to the marketplace, right?
But we're equal as souls. And so when we talk about not being good enough, it's not that you're not good enough as a person. It means your skillsets, your beliefs, your character traits, your experience, the results you get for your clients can be improved. And that's a good thing. You know, number five, like I said, be honest about what you want.
Sometimes the first thing that we have to acknowledge is that we're not good enough to get what we want. And that's not a bad thing. That's good awareness. New awareness creates new clarity about what needs to be done or what you need to learn. And so I see a lot of people pretending like they don't want, you know, a big life or want more money or want more impact because it's painful.
There's this element of like, I'm not good enough to create that yet. We have to confront that. And so to me, that's part of being an integrity with my highest self, is admitting what I want and letting it be a little vulnerable as I go for it, let it sting a little when I recognize I'm not good enough yet.
That's okay. That doesn't mean it's a death sentence to my dreams. It means get to work, right? Start improving, start learning, start getting mentorship. Start implementing what you're learning from all these people, even if it means some uncomfortable conversations, trying things differently, which is exactly, at the beginning of this podcast, I talked about how I'm making changes to the Matrix.
This is why. I'm like, I know what I want and I know I'm not good enough yet. So part of me becoming good enough is making changes so that I can deliver better results for my clients. Number six, I said, know your values. I think when you have a clarity about your values, you know what integrity means to you.
For example, I have three beautiful baby girls and I really want to be the mom that's present for them. So it would be out of integrity for me to stop being a present mom because it's one of my values and it helps me inform how to make decisions, right, about should I work more. Usually the answer is no, because that's out of integrity with my values.
Usually it's how can I do more with less, right? How can I take on less client load and take on less things? So that I can be the mom that I want to be. That's part of me being in integrity. That's part of me living with my values. To me, values is how you get to where you want to go. If the vision is the end result, values is the way we build it.
That's how I kind of see it. So when I think of the business that I want to create, values and forms, how many hours I work a week, my day-to-day life. The kinds of clients that I work with. The kinds of things that I do to get clients. The amount of time I'm willing to put into something, right?
And this goes both ways. Sometimes it's less work and sometimes it's more work depending on what I'm trying to create. And I'm gonna give you an example. At the beginning of my coaching business, I was willing to work late at night, early morning because I didn't have the money to invest in like a nanny, and I didn't want to be totally distracted and let my kids run wild.
So I wanted to be with them during the day and I would work at night, but I knew I did not wanna be the kind of person that worked at night in the future. So I asked myself, who do I need to become? What are the results that I need to create in order to become the person that works during the day? You know, while my kids are at school, while I get support from a nanny so that I can be present at night.
Cuz like my husband would come home and I would work and I didn't love it. Like he would come home at like five and then I would work from like 5:30 to 10. And that's kind of how I did it for a season. And it was hard cuz it wasn't in alignment with my values, but I knew that that sacrifice, that trade off in that season would allow me to live my values the longest, if that makes sense.
And so I found a happy medium. I really like that word. I was present with my girls during the day. I worked at night. I knew it was temporary. And it got me where I wanted to go. There will be seasons of that in your business as well. I think sometimes we have to do things that is a short-term strategy for a long-term win, and that's part of knowing our values.
Number seven, live what you teach. Sometimes I'll tell my clients like, it's time to take your own medicine. That I didn't invent that. That's like a phrase that I've heard from other coaches. But I think if your business is not where you want it to be, this is one of the questions I go to first.
Where am I not living what I teach? Where am I not taking my own medicine? Cuz sometimes we'll be saying something to our clients and really we need that advice. We need to apply what we're saying. We need to take it deeper. I think there's lots of examples of this, but this is one of those gut check things that you ask yourself and you confront the answer and you make changes as needed.
Are you living what you teach? Truly? Are you selling something that's in alignment with your values or not? Are you selling a result that you haven't gotten for yourself? Now, this is one of those, “catch” things that people hear that and they're like, [gasp] oh my gosh, you know, what do I need to do?
And I think the best thing I can answer this is like, when you share about results, is this something that you feel confident you can help someone achieve because you have undeniable proof or because you've done it yourself? Those are the two things that I think we have to be very careful of and mindful of.
Now that being said, I think coaching is one of those things that it's not just, I mean quantitative results. It's also a qualitative life, and what I mean by that is all coaches have tools to help people feel better or think differently. But there's a difference between promising someone, I will help you make a million dollars a year (and you've never made a million dollars a year), versus I help you have peace of mind as you grow your business.
Two very different results. One would be way more integrity for someone who's never made seven figures to offer. And I think that that's the difference. It's not that we don't help people on their path or on their journey, it's just we're mindful of what results we are promising and not devaluing the results we actually help people get.
Like people who have peace of mind make better decisions, see the future clearer, and are willing to do things for longer periods of time. That's a very high quality result. Peace of mind while you grow your business. You don't have to promise seven figures to make money as a coach. You don't have to promise these extreme results when we really believe in what we do and really see that even what we would call, less quantifiable results, like peace of mind or less anxiety, maybe like a better quality of life, better relationships, things like that that don't have a money sign attached to it, that is still very valuable to clients.
And I think that's okay. That's part of getting into an integrity with what you're offering, is living what you teach and knowing the results that you're offering you can truly help with.
And so I say this with a lot of love because I think there's been times in my business where what I was offering was a stretch for me. And it's because I thought that that's what I needed to do, and I've learned it's not true. You can live what you teach. The results can be in alignment with what you've already accomplished or what you feel confident you could actually help clients achieve, and that's a sustainable way to build a business.
You don't have to overinflate what people get when they work with you, cuz there are struggling people. In fact, one of the missions in my company is to elevate the consciousness of humankind. And I think about this all the time. When we elevate the consciousness of something, we change the quality of our lives.
Nothing circumstantial might change, buthe quality can change overnight, just with a shift in perspective, which to me is elevating consciousness. And so my mission for you guys, like what I really see coaches doing for the industry and for the world, is helping people have better quality of lives.
That doesn't mean that they're instantly making more money, or they instantly lose weight, or they instantly have higher status. That means that we help people see their life differently, so their quality of life changes for the better. And I think if you can live that, if you can constantly be elevating your life and the consciousness that you have and the perception that you have, and of course, achieving the results that you want as well.
I think that coaching provides a dual purpose. One is quantitative results. The relationships, the money, the business the body, the bank account, the clutter in your home, things that are physical, they can be physically represented. We do help people create different physical results, but I think an underrated thing that coaches do is we help the quality of life, the way that our clients experience their life, which means you have to go first. You have to live what you teach. And so if your quality of life, like I said, not the physical results, I think that too. But most importantly, do you love your life? Are you grateful every day? Are you doing the things that you want your clients to do? Are you experiencing the things that you want your clients to experience?
I think this is one of the most unique things about being a coach, is that we have to live what we teach. And if you don't, you get weeded out naturally, right? The coaches that make it. T here's this line in the prosperous codes. It's like there's a low bar for entry and a high bar for success because the high bar for success is integrity, in my opinion.
Living what you teach, your ability to integrate the things that you are learning, your ability to master the skill of coaching, your ability to master the game of enrolling clients and growing your business. Those are all integrity with being a student and being a client, right? We have to be our first, best,and always client.
That's how we live what we teach. And so I want to, I don't know, encourage you guys to just check yourself. This is an integrity thing. Are you living? According to the things that you're offering for your clients, truly, and when you can answer that, you'll have no problem selling in enrolling clients because you'll know what it takes to get results, both the quality results and the quantity of results that we mentioned.
So I hope this helps you. Just to recap, integrity the seven things that I mentioned today. Do the best you can with what you have. Number two, aim to be impeccable with your word. Number three, constant and never ending improvement. That's a way of life. Number four, admit when you make mistakes. Number five, be honest about what you want.
Number six, know your values. Number seven, live what you teach. Integrity changed my life. Like I said in the beginning, it helps me sleep at night. I know that I'm doing all these things and because I'm always trying to improve, right? Number three, this evolves with me, and that's okay. I don't judge my past self for what I know now.
Just like I know I'll know more in the future and I don't hold that against myself because I'm on the path there and I'm doing the best I can with what I have. And I try to live my message as thoroughly as I can. So I hope this helps you. Choose integrity. This is something that I'll say before I end.
When in doubt, choose to be in integrity. If you have to choose a client and money, over being in integrity, choose integrity. If you have to choose a quick win over being in integrity, choose integrity. It never fails you in the long run. One of the things that I'm always thinking about is like my character, I want to be the kind of person people hope I am, right?
I know I have mentors that I hope they’re a certain way. And I've met some of them before, or I find out things that it's like, ah dang. Not that I want perfect people, that's not what I'm talking about, but I want people in integrity. That's who I choose for my mentors. It's like I know that they are in integrity with their message.
That's who I strive to be. So I hope that you are also striving to be that for your clients. Thank you for being a listener of this podcast. Thank you for doing this work. I will see you in another episode. Bye.
