ļ»æHello! Welcome back to the podcast. I am very excited as always to be with you guys. What I've prepared today has been on my heart. I wouldn't even say it's been on my mind just with some of my conversations with private clients and people in some of my group programs. We're all going through stuff and sometimes life feels heavy.
And so today is about contrast. I'm calling it actually The Truth About Contrast, and you could substitute the word contrast for adversity, hardship, when things don't go right, lows, depression, things that you don't expect, hard times. I'm gonna use the word contrast because I've learned to see harder times as contrast.
And when I think about the word contrast one, it feels a little bit different, right? It's different in my body to think about contrast versus a very difficult time or an impossible situation or whatever. And I think that that is good news that we can change our language to change our experience. I really learned that from Tony Robbins.
He talked about the words and the vocabulary we use really impacts our experience of life. And so try it on the next time that you're going through something, try the word contrast and just see how it changes your experience of whatever's going on. Calling it the truth about contrast because I have some thoughts.
And like I said, this is coming from my heart after having some difficult conversations with people, who I love and who I support as their coach and what I would call growing pains of growth. When we decide we want something big, a lot of times what shows up is contrast. It is hardship because it's the refiner's fire that makes us into the kind of person that can create the results we say we want.
And so I have some thoughts. What I want you to listen with an open mind. And the other thing I'm gonna say is don't listen to this and weaponize what I say against you. These are possibilities. These are shifts that you can use, if it serves you and if it doesnā€™t, don't weaponize it. Don't use these things against yourself.
So the first thing I wrote down is part of this physical reality that we chose includes contrast. Growing up, the wording that my parents taught me and some of my church leaders taught me that many of you'll resonate with is opposition in all things. And I believe that. For every up there's a down. For every cold, there's hot. For every good there's bad. For every mountain there's a valley. And so that is part of our physical experience. Duality is a part of why we chose to come to Earth, right? We wanted to experience the ups and the downs. We wanted to have the contrast so that we could know what it's like to be alive. Think about what life would be like if we didn't have contrast, if we didn't have duality, right?
If we were just being all the time, we wouldn't really be happy. Even if that's the word that we would use to describe. Without experiencing sadness, it wouldn't really mean anything. And as spiritual beings or before we came into the physical reality that we live in now, I think we understood that we wanted to experience depth, right?
We wanted to experience the contrast so that we could experience life. And so, when we experience contrast, when we go through something hard, so many times we have the thought something's gone wrong. When in reality something is going very right, right? This is what we chose. Is it painful? Yes. But we wanted to experience painful so that we could also experience pleasurable.
And I think that this is one of those insights that makes sense when you're not in a hard time. Right. You're more open-minded when you're experiencing the good. You're like, oh yeah, like bad. That's right. But when we're in the bad, I think it takes almost like spiritual maturity to back up and really witness this is what I choose.
And so I think that's part of our conversation today is that this is just part of mortality. This is part of our physical reality. and we chose it. The next thought I wanted to share is that resistance causes us to miss the lesson. And specifically I'm speaking about resistance to the contrast.
Resistance. Other words that you might resonate with is denial, pretending it's not there, gaslighting yourself, complaining, victimhood. Any of those words are what I'm speaking about. And this is something that I've learned the hard way. Like probably many of you, I have resistance to when things get difficult.
Less so now that I've done a lot of this spiritual type work, but especially in the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey, I had a lot of resistance to the growth. A lot of resistance to the contrast that I had to go through, right? Like lots of late nights, lots of rejection, lots of nos, lots of crickets for my audience.
And that's the contrast of business, is that you have to kind of go through this period of not getting what you want. That is the contrast that we have to go through to become the person to create the success. And so if we resist it, we miss the intelligence that gives us the lesson. We miss the inside that actually allows us to evolve enough to create something new.
And I'm gonna give you a very clear example, right? If I have resistance to showing up online. Let's say you're a brand new coach showing up on social media. The contrast you're going to experience is that no one's gonna care, right? We all start that way.
You're gonna start a social media account and get no comments, no likes, no interest in what you do. That's the contrast, and you can make that mean that you're not cut out for it or that something's gone wrong and resist what the lesson is. Or you can commit, you could learn how to do it, and you commit to showing up every day until you get some progress and some traction.
And if you keep resisting the contrast and not looking for what it's teaching you, maybe it's like, hey, you need to try it this way, or you need to take a course or you need to get support. If you're just in denial about what's happening or you don't wanna look at it, you're never gonna evolve past it. What we resist persists. I've seen a lot of people, I have people that started their business around the same time that I don't even know what they're doing now. You know? They kind of bailed on their dreams. They bailed on the vision, and I don't blame them. It's difficult. Doing this stuff is not easy, especially in the beginning where you're learning new character traits and skills and trying to develop new beliefs about what you can do.
The contrast is strong. What's funny is, is most of the time when we declare something that we want, what shows up is the opposite of what we want. So a new coach that says, I want more clients, the first thing that's gonna show up is no clients, right? We have to experience the contrast.
I want to be happy. Sadness is gonna show up often or the other way this shows up is that in the darkness or in the downs, your desire is born. And that's another thing that I think contrast is good for. You know, when you're sad, you develop the desire to be happy when you're poor, you develop the desire to be rich if you are awake enough to see the desire building.
And so it is useful when we let it be. The next thought I had is contrast helps us get clear about what we want, which is kind of the discussion that we started just a second ago. And so I wanted to say more about that because this is what I use contrast for most of the time now. I remember when my business was getting a little bit busier, and I was tired and I wanted to play with my kids, and the house just felt messy.
And I was like, Ugh. Like I'm so tired of not having enough energy to do everything that I want to do. I feel spread very thin and I realized, in the contrast, a desire was born. I wanted to hire help. I wanted to hire support, in the form of someone helping me clean my house every other week.
And I remember that time where I realized like the contrast was showing me literally a desire. And so when we have the eyes to see this, we start to see difficulty, overwhelm, pressure, things that we don't want. We can look at it from a different lens and see that this is actually showing us what we do want.
And so contrast helps us get clear about our desires. And once we know what we want, then we can make plans to execute. Then we can become an energetic match for those things to come into our life. Then we can take the action steps or the belief work or whatever needs to be done to align with that result being our reality.
And so that's how I see contrast. Now if I'm feeling negative emotion, if I'm tired, if I'm overwhelmed, or if I just don't like what's going on, I'm like, what is this here to show me? And so I look at contrast differently now. Now, I'm not perfect by any means, but I do see it differently than most people.
I almost wanna say I get excited when things aren't going my way. That's not quite how it is, but I get curious. That's a better word. I get curious. I'm like, what is this here to show? What am I missing? What haven't I been aware of? That's a really powerful question. When I'm going through negative emotions or a negative circumstance, it's like, what have I been missing?
What awareness is here for me? Every time I get to that level of question, I get new insights and more powerful answers for myself. And so it's not like I get excited for contrast, but I just see it differently than I ever have, especially before this work. The next slide I wanted to share is that contrast holds intelligence for our own growth and expansion.
And I believe this. If I've been plateauing, if things have been good and I'm very comfortable, it probably means I'm not growing anymore, especially in business. We grow from the edge of our comfort zone into the growth zone. Not that you have to be triggered. Not that your nervous system has to be wiped out because I don't believe that.
But I know if I'm too comfortable, I'm also not creating new results. I'm probably recreating results. I want to push myself into experiencing contrast, so that I can move into a different level of success. I'm gonna give you an example for my own life, what that looked like.
So I had been doing Voxer events and just kind of coaching my people, posting on social media, doing podcasts for months. And I realized some of the results I'm trying to create in my business, which is growing The Matrix, I needed to do something a little different. I needed to stretch myself. I needed to experience contrast and so I launched the Revamp.
Many of you were there. Thank you for coming. It was so fun. You can find the replays on my website, or you can just send me a DM and then I'll send you all the replays cuz it was a free master. Little plug. Anyway, so I did this revamp five-day masterclass. And it stretched me because I had to sell and promote this free event.
And there was more people than I had not ever experienced, but more people than I had been comfortable with recently. I've been kind of really comfortable in my small group coaching, which I love and really resonate with small groups and one-on-one. And so for me to host an event expecting lots of people felt uncomfortable for me, and I knew I needed to lean into that contrast because my growth is there.
Holding more people in my world. Serving more people is something that I want to do. And it's uncomfortable for an introvert like me, right? That prefers this little microphone in my office by myself or like a small zoom room. And so that's an example from my life, and I'm sure you have examples from your life where if we shy away from the contrast, we also shy away from our growth and we shy away from the results we keep saying that we want.
If I'm keep saying I want to grow my business, I want to scale or whatever, and I don't do the things that line up with that, then I'm just going to delay my results and I'm gonna keep creating a loop of recreation. I'm gonna keep recreating the things that I've always created. To me, contrast is almost like I should be feeling a certain amount of contrast if I'm growing. I really should.
But Castillo calls it 50/50, right? Like I should be experiencing happy, joy, fulfillment for sure. And I should be feeling a little disappointed, frustrated, like, I know I'm growing when I'm feeling, stuck. Where I'm trying to create a new idea, where I feel intimidated or nervous, I know that I'm experiencing the kind of contrast that I want to because I'm growing.
And so it's actually a good thing When you have a big dream to be experiencing contrast. It means you're moving in the right direction. Not that you have to experience it all the time. I don't think contrast is a requirement 100% of the time.
But if it's been a while since you've felt stretched or felt uncomfortable, you might consider, Hmm, maybe I need more contrast in my life. What am I afraid of? Where do I need to lean in a little bit more? The next thought I have for you is that you can honor the human and still create what you want.
There is no need to gaslight yourself into positivity. Sometimes what I've noticed with this work even in myself is once you learn that you can control your thoughts and experience, we take this to this unhealthy extreme where we don't allow sadness, we don't allow frustration. We don't allow negative emotion because we know that we're the creators of it. We weaponize thought work.
I have a podcast episode called Weaponizing Thought Work. If you scroll down. And I've seen my clients do this. I think I've been prone to do this. It's almost like we override our human emotions with the work that we're studying, the mindset work, the thought work, the belief, the law of attraction work, the vibration and manifestation work, whatever you are into. And I think the danger in that is that the human is still experiencing all the things, you're just kind of pretending that you're not. And there is only so long that you can do that before you burn out or break down.
That's not what this work is for. We are allowed to honor the human. On our journey. Now, I think the secret is how quickly you move through negative emotions and not gaslighting. It's not pretending they're not there. It's actually holding space for them to be there and moving through them.
So I'm gonna give you an example. When we talk about negative emotion, it's not that it doesn't come. I heard this on a podcast from Tony Robbins. Someone asked him like, do you ever feel a negative emotion? He's like, oh yeah, I'm human. It's just like, like, I never let it last more than five minutes.
And I was like, interesting. He doesn't pretend anger or frustration isn't there. He's just able to move it through his body. That vibration, that negative emotion, it moves through his body quicker than most people. And that's kind of where I resonate now. It's not that I don't feel frustrated, it's not that I never get overwhelmed.
It's just that, that vibration in my body, like I let it move through me, I witness it, and then I let it go. And then I choose more consciously the vibration and the energy that I want to bring into the situation. This includes in parenting maybe it's almost like triggered or frustrated and in a moment, right?
Because sometimes it's unpredictable and out of my control. What I've noticed is, the anger or the frustration will rise in my body. And I feel it, and then I release it, and then I choose a new who I want to be, what energy I want to bring to the situation. This means I take a pause, right?
I don't just react. And I really love the work of Victor Frankl who wrote Man's Search For Meaning. He talks about this idea that no one can take away your ability to choose. Between stimulus and response, there is our agency, basically.
And so when I think of contrast and negative emotion, this does not give you permission to just like, you're fine. Don't cry. Don't worry. Don't be stressed, if you really are. Because how can you take care of your human if you're not acknowledging how your human actually is experiencing life, right? If you actually are stressed, you probably need to take care of that in the form of walking, meditation, baths, therapy, journaling, breathing, like breath work.
Whatever it is for you to actually release some of the negativity and the emotions that aren't serving you, instead of pretending that they're not there. Because that is a surefire way to create a problem in the future. You might be able to get away with it for a while, but eventually you'll have a point where you can't because you've been suppressing for too long.
When I think of contrast in moving through contrast, this is not about suppression. And I wanted to say that because I think sometimes, as coaches, we forget our human journey includes human emotions, and that's not a problem. Now, I think you can learn how to move through negative emotions quicker when you learn how to actually witness it and know what's going on.
You can release it and then move on, but it's not pretending it's never there. It's not burying it. And I wanted to say that because I think it's important to know if you've been feeling down, that's okay. You get to choose what you do with that. You get to choose how you move through it. You get to choose when and how you release it, and then once that's complete, then you get to choose who you want to be, what energy you want to bring to the situation.
Make a conscious choice, but pretending it's not there doesn't serve you in the long run. The last thought I wanted to share with you is that conscious makes us powerful. I'm gonna say that again because I think that this is really important to understand. Contrast makes us powerful. If I want you to develop a muscle, I give it something heavy to lift. I do not give it something easy and light. That does not build muscle. And so if I want to become a resilient, powerful person, I have to put myself in situations where I develop myself into someone powerful. And I don't mean the ugly powerful. I mean like personal power as in like when I say things, they happen.
When I believe something, it becomes real, that kind of power. And I think especially entrepreneurs, we want to be creators of our own life. We want to do things on our terms. Most of us have goals of being financially free, a life full of service and purpose, making money, doing what we love, all these awesome ideals.
But we have to question, who do we need to become in order to create that kind of reality? And what kinds of things do I have to go through to become that person? What's sad is people keep saying that they want those things, but then contrast shows up and they think something's gone wrong. Instead of seeing contrast as an opportunity to refine their skills, to grow their character, and to develop their beliefs in themselves.
That's what contrast is great for. Not when we avoid it, but when we lean in and learn from it. And almost like the word that comes to me is like submit to it instead of trying to resist it or trying to circle around it or try to do things in a way where we avoid it. If we avoid contrast, we avoid success.
And so I really believe that contrast makes this powerful. You know, I always make this joke when I'm coaching. We don't love the person who gets on stage and goes, I just decided to make, you know, a hundred million dollars and then it just started following into my lap and I didn't really do anything and it was so easy and I didn't go through any hard times.
It just kind of happened. Like that's not the story that we hear. We hear people who struggle, who overcome, and we love it because it's relatable, but it's also just part of our development. When you're an entrepreneur, you choose contrast intentionally. You choose to put yourself in situations that feel uncomfortable, that stretch you, that make you become someone new.
And that process, one, never ends. If you want to keep growing, this process never ends, right? And so it's just something to get comfortable with. But I also think when contrast shows up, you have a choice to make. Who do you want to be? Do you want to be the person that quits and stops that avoids it, or do you want to be the person who leans right into it?
And let it shape them, so that they can become unshakeable. There's been times in my business that I could have easily just thrown in the towel, it was too hard. Or I have little kids. I could have just been like, you know, this is not for me. But I remember thinking like, this is literally how I become the person that I want to become.
In moments like this, when everyone around me quits. When most people would say, this is too hard, I say, I'm here for it. Where's the lesson? How can I use this to become better? How can I use this to refine myself? How can I use this to develop my faith? How can I use this to develop my tolerance for pressure or for stress?
Because that's part of the deal, right? Like as you grow, there's gonna be new circumstances, new people, new responsibilities, which is just part of the process. And I could either submit to that and learn, or I could quit. But the people who thrive use contrast to their advantage to become someone new, to become someone more capable.
And so I wanted to share that with you because I see you as powerful. And no matter what you're going through right now, you have a choice to make. You can use contrast to make you better, or you can use it to make you hide and become weak. And most of the world doesn't want to do things outside of their comfort.
If building a business was easy, everyone would do it, but not everyone's doing it. And so I wanna honor you. The contrast you're choosing is difficult, but it's because you want something that you don't have and you have this idea, this potentiality that you can't stop thinking about.
Maybe you catch glimpses of it. Maybe you have a total clarity about what it is. Maybe it's just the seed that you've planted and you're waiting to see what it turns into. But it came to you for a reason, and you get to choose what you do with that. But contrast is part of the ingredients that makes you the person able to create the dream.
Literally. It is unavoidable. It is like if you're gonna make cake, you need the cake mix, you need the egg, you need the oil. You can't skip one of those ingredients. This is the same thing. If you want a successful business, contrast is an ingredient that you have to get very comfortable with.
And so lean in. Doesn't mean you gaslight yourself. Doesn't mean that you don't have hard days. Doesn't mean that sometimes you want to quit. I saw a funny meme that was like, if you haven't, you know, almost quit five times this year, are you even an entrepreneur or something like that? And I was like, yeah, like that's normal.
It's just when you witness the thoughts, when it does get hard, what do you do about it? Do you lean in and submit and grow? Or do you shy away and quit? And I think my inkling is that if you're listening to a podcast like this, like you're in the game still. Like, I love the quote about the man in the arena by Theore Roosevelt.
A lot of critics are on the sidelines saying, oh, like, it's never gonna work. Or people like, it's just you're a dreamer or whatever. Or maybe they're just quiet, but they're still in the sidelines. They're not in the arena playing the game, but you are trying to, and it takes a little bit of courage.
It takes the willingness to challenge your beliefs for sure, but it also requires contrast. And so no matter what you're experiencing, I really see this as happening for you. If you're willing to see it that way, this is like the delusional part of coaching, I think. It's just, do your delusions serve the life that you want to live?
And so when I think about contrast this way, some people might think I'm crazy, but I get the results that I want. I'm living the life that I want. I'm making progress. I truly have never been happier or more fulfilled. So you tell me, am I delusional or have I figured something out?
And I want to offer that when you figure this out for yourself, when you see contrast differently, your life gets a lot better. I see contrast so differently that it does not sway me. It is not the master of my experience. I get to master contrast. I see it differently, and then I use it.
Doesn't mean that I don't get sad or frustrated. It's just a different experience. It's almost like I'm observing it instead of experiencing it. And I think that is personal power. So I wanted to share this with you. I hope it serves you. Lean into the contrast. Let it help you shape who you want to become and see it as a way to extract more intelligence, more insight, more growth, more becoming.
That's my hope for you. Thank you for listening to this podcast. I will see you guys soon. Bye.
